Book Writing Adventures

“Rainbow Men Don’t Want Us”: What You May Be Doing to Prove ‘Em Right.

Are you self-sabotaging you chance for love by your low expectations of yourself?

Today’s blog post was inspired by my pastor, Ron Armstrong. After this, I know what you’re thinking. But… I go to churches where everyone’s baggage runs pretty light. I like this guy because he gives sermons that can be applied to everyday life.

Not to diminish Bible scriptures, but the endless dissection of every verse instantly puts me into a coma. Then there’s the other end of the spectrum, where you can barely understand the message–what with the howls, amens, Holy Ghost dancing and people fainting to the floor.

When it comes to church, I’m definitively a middle-of-the-road kinda gal.

Ron started talking about how people can be cursed by their own low expectations, and about five minutes in, hubby and I looked at each other and whispered, “BLOG POST!” That happens a lot with us…it’s weird.

I’m applying this template to black women who talk themselves out of exploring the possibility of engaging in an interracial relationship. Perhaps they’ve heard one too many times that [insert race OTHER than black man here] do not want us. We’re too fat. Too loud and aggressive. Too independent. Won’t do fellatio. (And I gotta say in my case, that LAST ONE is definitely NOT TRUE.)

So Pastor Ron got on the subject of how low expectations help you avoid disappointment. In this case, a woman who expects a rainbow man not to want her will not bother to take the steps to put herself out there, thus, there’s no risk of rejection and she avoids disappointment. Like Ron said, “You are failing, but you feel okay about it.”

As long as you expect to lose, you will. But realizing you can do better and stop convincing yourself and others that you can’t is risky. It takes cojones, so you better grow some. I of course mean this figuratively–I like you best as a woman.

Here is my adapted version of Pastor Ron’s “Five Steps to Really Doing Your Best.”

  • Recognize your own self-worth. Doing so helps you feel like you are worth being loved and appreciated by ALL men.
  • Admit you can achieve greater things. Your most dangerous critic is you. (And all those other crabs dragging your legs back into the barrel probably isn’t helping either.)
  • Shift your focus to your strengths, while simultaneously getting your weaknesses in check. Frankly speaking, if you have a glittering personality and fairy dust floats from your mouth every time you speak but you’re 100 pounds overweight, you need to capitalize on your winning gift-for-gab AND hit the gym and skip the Ho-Ho’s and Twinkies.
  • Choose five things you would like to accomplish during your life. THEN GET BUSY DOING THEM.
  • Get a partner. Destructive habits aren’t broken or healthy ones developed without encouragement and accountability. For a partner here you won’t have to search to far. Just point and click to our fan page and make some friends.

And in case any of you just didn’t get enough church yesterday, you can view the full sermon here.

So here’s the question for discussion: are you stumbling over that big old block you’ve put in front of yourself? Can anyone relate?

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