I got this letter from a reader the other day, and it was so impactful, I had to cut and paste just as is! It also goes along with my video commentary about an exchange I saw between a man and a women discussing their irresponsible sex practices that led to an unwanted pregnancy. Check it out.
Dear Mrs. Karazin,With all this hoopla about Tamera Mowery and her husband having another in-wedlock child and the incredulous amount of negativity that comes with it I think it is time for another lesson in the benefits of marriage. Not for the ridiculous trolls and angry people that want to reduce this woman to nothing more than a lady of the night. They will continue to bathe in the festering pools of their own ignorance. This is for the group of women that continue to be spoon-fed bull crap by society and their male counterparts. Being a “wifey” or “wifed up” is a far cry from being an actual wife. It is the equivalent to the, “I would marry you but…. (insert random bogus excuse here)” line that flows so easily from these commitment-phobic males that we are supposed to continue to chase after. No, thank you. Aside from to social implications of marriage, (the name, the ring, children born in-wedlock), there are solid economic windfalls associated with marriage:It is less expensive (jointly) to live in comfort than it is independently (or in the “wifey in the bedroom only”/cover of darkness, phase).Social security, tax deductions, and IRAs are all typically more favorable for spouses. Also, life insurance in most states is REQUIRED to be given to the spouse. Spouse. Not long-time girlfriend, or wifey, or baby mama, but spouse.Financial risk is spread evenly and subsequently, so are the rewards.No, shacking up doesn’t count. Cohabitation only increases the odds of long-term marital bliss if the original intent was to get married in the onset, so if he/she didn’t put a ring on it in the beginning, a personalized rendition of “single ladies” or “to the left, to the left” may soon follow suit.No one is saying get married to a bum, but to be dismissive of it as if it is a luxury that is out of reach is something that we cannot allow ourselves to continue believe. Being “wifey” is not even cutting it close. You are doing such a wonderful job of shutting down the nonsense and sharing stories of us taking chances in love and getting the title, upward mobility, and happiness that even our own do not want us to have. Please, continue sharing the stories and resources for us to continue to thrive, and if you have time, encourage the discussion of the marriage-minded men vs. the commitment-phobic men.We are marriage material, and when we accept less, when we accept the crippling title of wifey, we get caught up in the possibility of one day being the wife. In the interim we may be shacked up, even have babies, all without the real title. Real men have real intentions. We should too. Rather than continuing to be swept away by false promises built on the deck of cards labeled hopes and dreams, we must remain fixed in our convictions. “Wifey” is just another form of oppression.
And just in case you haven’t heard it lately, please continue your amazing work, you’re truly doing a wonderful job.
Who gon’ check me boo? (References):
Bartkowski, John P., and Xiouhe Xu. “Refashioning Family in the 21st Century: Marriage and Cohabitation Among America’s Young Adults.” Changing Spirituality of Young Adults (n.d.): n. pag. Web.Clements, Jonathan. “Getting Married Has Its Financial Benefits.” The Wall Street Journal. N.p., 25 May 2014. Web. 06 Jan. 2015.