Black Women's Improvement Project (BWIP)

Spinoff: Can Mothers Raise “Good” Black Sons Alone? Mostly, No.

I’ve had this post in the queue for weeks, but now that The Book That Won’t Die is done, I’m again ready to tackle the stinking cluster-cuss of dog poo, cat pee, bat guano and horse shite that is the 73% out-of-wedlock birthrate in the black community.

No Wedding No Womb makes a Round Two this September 22.

On the issue of sons getting petted and coddled by their mommies, I have to say I’m guilty. Who could resist smothering this bundle of deliciousness?

I tell him he’s my “special little guy,” and when he pokes his lips out when he’s sad or feels bad about something, I melt. But see that big guy holding The Boy? He doubles as The Equalizer. He has no such trouble with ANY part of his body melting when my son does such things. But left to my own devices, I’d be like that lady on Good Morning America who was still breastfeeding her son at eight-years-old.

And speaking of mooching on teets, someone brought up two key problems that arise when mothers are left to raise boys alone. Numero uno: they mostly do a terrible job of it. EVEN IF your son keeps his nose clean, EVEN IF he goes to college, EVEN IF he’s gainfully employed. Chances are he’ll still just be a man/boy with a job, enjoying the benefits of being coveted by black women to the point he sees no need to settle for anything less than “a dime” which mostly means someone on the lighter end of a paper bag. But mostly these boys grow up to be feral underachievers.

Women raising boys into men is about as easy as turning a butterfly into a rhinosaurus. And with so many boys being popped out without the fathers sticking around to raise them, there aren’t enough mentors in the universe to make most of these bad ass kids ack right.

A comment from Lily in the thread about the 18-year-old teenager mentally handicapped girl struck me:

Out of 8 cousins, the three women (including me) have advanced degrees and careers whereas the males are utterly dependent on their mothers, smoking weed, undereducated, never gainfully employed, (one of which is heading into his late 30s). The irony being, the fathers that left aren’t resented, it’s the mothers that catch the crap from them, that bare the resentment. It’s a weird enabling, codependent relationship among them all. (And yes, if these men wanted to live with their mamas for the rest of their lives, it would be a-ok.) Blech.

Black women are CREATING their own future misery, and TRAINING their daughters to be martyrs, prey, and beasts of burden for the boys who are coddled and petted. That’s the huge problemo numero dos.

Those boys who rape and maim, and the mothers who go on camera crying that it wasn’t their boy who did it, but if he did, it was because she asked for it is what the future hood boys of the black community look like. I ask you, what will they be like when they are fully grown? (Shivering in me timbers just thinking about it.)

The Boy would be a spoiled rotten brat if my husband wasn’t around to keep him in line and sheild him occasionaly from my fawning. There’s a security and respect in it that I could never impart upon my son effectively without his father to do the “rough guiding” when it’s needed. When he sasses me, it’s his father that warns him what will happen next if he continues to show me disrespect. And at six-years-old, he knows to back down, because he knows who the Alpha is in our home.

Fatherless boys are default alphas with Napoleon complexes. Black mothers–and I don’t think this is done consciously–raise their girls to be tough, get and education to be gainfully employed because they have to be ready when it’s their turn to coddle and raise the man/boys.

The daughters are doing what other races raise the men to do. I do, however, think that women are taught to cater to men across the racial spectrum because we live in a patriarchical society. And what’s the result of all that mollycoddling? Is there gratitude? Nope. Your sons secretly hate you because they can’t hate their fathers. You’re closer, and much easier to hate.

And please, spare me about that one mother who raised a boy who became the president. He was co-parented by his grandparents. And if ANYONE brings up Jesus and Mary, I swear I’ll scream. Mary had Joseph.

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