Black Women's Empowerment

‘Swirling’ Guilt Can Cause Sisters to Soldier On…

We’ve done little discussions about the “reluctant swirler.” But you probably know this girl as well as I do. She probably dated intra-racially her entire dating life, but just so happened to find a rainbeau that she really, really liked…a lot. They date a while and maybe they get married. But in the back of her mind, she feels a dreaded, secret guilt, one that she can’t share with her significant other, nor anyone else. She erroneously feels that her finding love interracially is a betrayal of the worst kind. She’s no fool though–she’s not gonna give up her man, but she does something else. She overcompensates by championing every cause related to African Americans, from legitimate gripes about police brutality to the the ridiculous, like the fight for Ebonics as a viable classroom study.

This goes beyond simple racial solidarity, this chick has something to prove. She must prove that she indeed, is not a sellout. Because in the black community, to be a sellout is to commit social suicide. So as long as she proves her usefulness to soldier on every. single. cause, “they” might let it slide that she’s with a rainbeau. She also apologizes for swirling every chance she gets, kind of like when Halle Berry started dating white boys, but felt it necessary to remind the BC that she had given the “brothas” lots of chances, which translates into,”Hey! I let these DBRs dog me out and I gave my heart and mind to them first. Now, may I pretty please date outside my race??”


This soldiering also translates to a sort of elitism while visiting interracial dating sites. She feels it necessary to remind us all how unenlightened the rest of us are because she feels we spend all our time bashing black dudes. And “bashing” is widely defined as anything that doesn’t portray black men like angels upon a high hill, with golden crowns and crystal staffs. They also propagate this lie to other “black identified” sites like Lipstick Alley, the ratchedest place on earth. Or they’ll spend all their time on black-woman hate sites bobbing their heads and cosigning all levels of crazy.

All this is a result of a deep internal conflict. How do I know? Well, I think any black woman who was raised with the idea that racial solidarity trumps personal happiness may naturally feel some guilt about “selfishly” finding love outside the race. Humans are social creatures, so it hurts to be rejected by “the tribe,” causing all kinds of unnecessary pressure on this woman, who probably has no idea why she’s doing the stuff she’s doing in the first place.

Still doesn’t make her any less annoying.

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