Guests of the Inner Sanctum

Thirsty!! Five Personalites from Facebook Loserville!

Social networking has changed our lives in so many ways. It connects people. You can find anything from a new job to new friends to new love. Over the years, we have seen social networking become an integral part of our culture. Lately, I have discovered social networking is a prime platform for the exposure of something running rampant in society. Its insidious and taking over networking outlets like Facebook and Twitter. It’s Thirstiness and, yes, it’s an epidemic.

For the uninitiated, let me define Thirstiness for you, at least in the context I am discussing. According to, thirsty is defined as desperate, wanting or needing (attention). And social networking must be dry as the Sahara for all the thirstiness I see on a regular basis. We are going to look at some examples of this using my “Parched Rating Scale” (trademark pending, don’t even try to steal this). We rate on a scale of 1 to 5 glasses of water, 1 being somewhat needy to 5 being full on attention whore. Are we ready? Let’s play!!

The “Random Photo” poster: This person typically posts their photo in a Facebook group (or on their own page) with no comment. They want people to comment, but are too damn lazy to type any words to solicit the comments they so desperately seek. Photos are typically G rated and taken in the bathroom mirror. 1 glass on the Parched Rating Scale

The “Woe is Me” poster: This poor soul has had one too many pseudo relationships with people they have met online. And by met, I mean someone sent them a friend request. They post the following sad sack statement in online groups: “I’ll never find true love. I’ve been hurt so much. What’s wrong with me? No one will ever love me.” Give me a break, Debbie Downer. Posts like these are usually followed by an array of comments like “Girl, you need to do you! You don’t need a man.” But what they are really seeking are comments from guys that say “I think you’re hot. I’d date you.” Which is what got you in this situation in the first place…falling for random internet dudes. 2 glasses

The “Add Me” Guy: Spend any time in a Facebook group and you will find this charming fellow. He posts a shirtless pic (also taken in the bathroom) with the words “Add me” followed by a barrage of exclamation points, smiley faces and hearts. Oh, and the request to “Inbox me” is usually present as well. Yes, because your hairy chest and dirty bathroom in the background makes ladies swoon. 3 glasses

The “I’m Hot” Chick: We’ve all seen these. The boobalicious shot taken in the bathroom mirror. (Seriously, you people need to get out of the bathroom). These crack me up the most because these are the same chicks that get pissed off when dudes immediately come to them in a sexual manner. You know what prevents that? Not flashing your tata’s in cyberspace. Now, cover up Tits McGee. 4 glasses

The “I look so awful in this pic” poster: This broad is worse that the “I’m Hot’ Chick and far more annoying. Here’s how it goes: Someone posts a photo and says how much they hate the way they look in the photo. “Boo hoo, I’m so ugly. My hair looks terrible. I’m so fat. How can anyone bear to look at me?” Yeah right. What inevitably follows in a landslide of “You’re hot/pretty/sexy/beautiful” comments from a bunch of guys, to which the photo poster fakes mock surprise at all the positive comments she got. “What? You mean me? You like me, you really like me!” You are the epitome of thirstiness. 5 glasses

Look, we all know the internet is full of crazies and shadiness. I’m not trying to be Chris Hansen and going all “To Catch a Thirsty Chick” all on you. I’m just saying beware of anyone who tries so hard to get your attention. Because if they are trying that hard to get your attention, they are trying that hard to get ANY attention. And to all you “Thirsties”, just slow your roll. And stop taking so many damn photos in the bathroom.

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