Book Writing Adventures

Three Strategies to Deal with Oglers When You’re Out with Your Rainbeau

Because Simon & Schuster has me by the female version of gonads (eggs?) to finish Swirling: How to Date, Mate & Relate Mixing Race, Culture & Creed by August, I’ve been pushing the keyboard like a mad woman. One chapter a month here on out or S&S starts repossessing the family jewels.

I’m thisclose to finishing the chapter called, “Love Is Blind, But Not Those People Staring at You,” otherwise known as THE CHAPTER THAT DOES NOT END BECAUSE I’VE BEEN WORKING ON IT FOR SIX MONTHS.

So I figured I’d give the BB&W crew a little taste of what coming in the book, which is more of a practical, day-to-day and event-by-event guide to interracial dating. No broad strokes. I, along with my writing partner Janice Roshalle Littlejohn, get down and dirty with information you can use, daily, if need be.

So back to staring. Which can be a HUGE problem, depending on your and your rainbeau’s level of comfort, where in the world you live, and how much of a veteran to the swirl you are.

After numerous interviews coupled with my own experiences, there are bascially three key strategies to addressing how you manage fixated bystanders, and you can adopt one or all, depending on your and your partner’s personality type: Acknowledge, Ignore or Confront.


Funny enough, acknowledging stares from onlookers doesn’t even require you to even open your mouth. It’s all in the body language.


This is the same strategy I use when McDemons have temporarily possessed one of little ones, which causes them to yell, scream, flail, and hurl themselves to the floor. I pretend I don’t see it. Ignoring also mean you’re not scanning the place looking for approval or disapproval. Ignoring means you keep your eyes on your prize.


Confrontation doesn’t necessarily mean that you spoil for a fight every time someone gives you the hairy eyeball. Confrontation can be done while preserving your status as a lady. But hey. If your rainbeau is 6’4, 250 pounds and has a permit to carry a firearm, well…I guess that works too.

It’s facinating what all the body language experts, psychologists and interviewees all have to say about how to employ these various strategies, and I can’t wait for your to read it all.

Which of the strategies have you used?

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