Written by Nicole
The latest upset that has been making rounds is that Lebron James’ son Bronny has expressed his preference for white and nonblack women. Why is this news? Well, it’s not. At this point it it’s probably a reasonable assumption that black males who naturally prefer their female reflection is the exception, not the rule. Since the ones with larger platforms voice this preference rather frequently, and go unchecked by other men, the “good” ones can get painted with the same brush too. Additionally, Bronny is a child. My intention is not to speak about him specifically, rather, the preference topic in general, and the Tik Tok toxicity that pervades that platform.
This likelihood for nonblack preference increases based on geography (it seems California is a hotbed of anti-black-woman sentiment) and wealth (because when he get on, he’ll leave your ass for a white girl). But of note, is that this public and outspoken hatred of us is being broadcasted by younger and younger generations, masked as preference. The pursuit of nonblack women is a rite of passage these days, especially in high-profile arenas like sports and film/TV/music. Gen Z seemingly has picked up the mantle of putting down black women on social media, and have gotten creative with it to boot, using Tik Tok as a means to purvey their hatred of their female reflection.
I’m too old for Tik Tok, so I don’t even know how that platform works. But strangely enough, I keep seeing a lot of anti-black-girl sentiments getting reposted on social media. Such as:
Im just going to leave this here… thoughts? 💀🤎 pic.twitter.com/shCMn8dmXh
— misogynoir posts (@misogynoirs) April 18, 2020
Today’s black twitter topic is around anti-black women tweets and rhetoric, yet a lot of the language being used makes it sound like misogynoir was a trend that died out. My entire page is proof that it’s still alive and well, Gen Z has absorbed the same hatred for black women pic.twitter.com/B6eIqOb7tC
— misogynoir posts (@misogynoirs) April 27, 2020
They’re really getting creative with the misogynoir pic.twitter.com/xyjN2qy89L
— misogynoir posts (@misogynoirs) April 26, 2020
I have some doubt this ever happened, but it’s interesting how their encounter with one black girl will lead them to tiktok in hopes to show that they are desired or feel validated while “lightly” degrading an entire group of women. pic.twitter.com/AN7PitlkpO
— misogynoir posts (@misogynoirs) April 6, 2020
For more, you can check out Misogynoir Posts on Twitter. I am sad to say there are loads to watch.
What can we learn about black male preferences, as well as the widespread hatred of black women so prominently featured on social media?
Let everybody have their “preference”. Why? First of all, who wants to be second place? I cannot imagine still wanting someone in any circumstance, who didn’t want me back. I am no one’s consolation prize, and you shouldn’t be either. As a rule of thumb, if anyone intentionally excludes you from something, be it their relationship preference, a job prospect, whatever, then that means it is not meant to be. Shaming someone into liking/wanting you is not the way!
Think of it this way. Have you ever gone to a job you were rejected by and said “No you should hire me, even though you don’t want me in the first place!”. Did you find that company on social media pages and leave comments saying how great you were, demanding an opportunity to change their mind? A job is not the same circumstance, but for the sake of argument, that’s the comparison I used. That would make you seem wretched and desperate, which is never a good look. I’m not a beggar, and you shouldn’t be either, in ANY scenario.
Black males have shown their disloyalty in the public sphere for decades now, so not only should their preference for nonblack women be expected, so too, sadly, should their disrespect.
I know it stings when your male reflection so openly and easily broadcasts his preference for anyone but you. But listen, it’s time to move past it, because, for one, it’s not going anywhere. Whenever a black male with a large platform voices his desire for every flavor of nonblack woman, it’s mostly black women you see championing to either change his mind or pointing out how wrong he is. The so called Good Black Men are few and far between when it comes to defending the image of his mama, sister, and maiden auntie, so it seems to me they are not so good, eh? And yes, the hits to our image, it’s commonplace, it’s tiresome, it’s tragic. But turning the comment section into a dumpster fire of dragging isn’t going to change anyone’s mind. The time for comment section back and forths is over. If you want change, then you need to remember that:
I have said it before. Being race loyal does not serve black women, at all. Why be loyal to a team that jumps at the chance to disrespect you? To a team that has shown you, time and again, that no matter how perfect you are, you’ll still not be good enough? The features you share with them are a con, not a pro. Hell, they haven’t even built their own flourishing social media platforms to denigrate you, they have to do it on someone else’s. Statistics have shown that in addition to having low marriage rates in general, the black male population has high divorce rates too, no matter the race of their partner. So while the hits to your image is certainly annoying, the best thing to do is block and delete with reckless abandon, and exercise your own preference too. You can be petty with it, and say you have a preference for men with a FICO score over 750, or that you have a preference for men who are not chronically conquered, or a preference for men who are capable of building legacies and generational wealth. Since black women’s hair and makeup preferences is always fair game to be insulted, you can go below the belt and go after their soft spots too, like their frail masculinity.
And I get that many/most black women will still cling to Black Love. To you ladies, I genuinely wish you the best. Happy black women is the goal! However, it is in EVERYONE’S best interest if you keep your proclamations of “Nothing but a black man for me!” quiet. Announcing that any and everywhere makes it look like, despite your own preference not preferring you, building anything for you, not defending your honor, and murdering black women higher than all other races of men, you’ll always accept him, no matter what. Have your preference. But being so loud with it just makes the already lopsided nature of dating and marrying as a black woman skew even more heavily against you.
Or, you can be silent with it, which is my recommendation. Imagine if a large contingent of black women decided to just…leave. No explanation, no flounce, no notice. Black love is a fairy tale exclusively sold to black women. I can count on one hand the number of social media platforms led by black men being loud with their love for black love. So, imagine if the main proponents of black love chucked up the deuces and went swirling into the sunset with Juan or Yung Kim, who liked her dark skin, her kinky hair, and didn’t equate her desire to get married as “for white people”. In a way, this public disrespect does have a silver lining, albeit a tarnished one. It shows, live and direct, who the weakest links are. And it allows black women to see in black and white, in text, in video, and visual evidence, what a large proportion of black males think of her, and move accordingly. That doesn’t mean that one should hop the fence for a baby-powder dusty either, mind you. Dust is dust, no matter the race. But even though it doesn’t feel nice to be rejected, it could be the catalyst that leads to more black women choosing character over color and finding happiness in whatever package it comes in.
Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking that it’s only the broke dudes from single parent households who think this way. I don’t follow sports, and definitely not any sports with a large black male player base, so I don’t know about any of these people. But my minimal research showed that Bronny is from a wealthy two-parent household. Intraracial hatred of black women knows no bounds, regardless of upbringing. No one is raised in a vacuum. The onslaught of media programming, or the simple desire to fit in, can mold a young mind faster than you can say “viral”.
Again, I’m too old for Tik Tok so I don’t know if there are other more valuable things to be enjoyed there. But I think it’s high time for black girls to delete the app. If you are a mom to a black girl, lay down the law and insist it gets deleted, because the hits to her self-esteem is not worth whatever positives it might have. Now, a black girl’s self-esteem should not be rooted in some random stranger’s preference or non-preference of her. But that does not mean it’s easy to be subjected to this constant barrage of abuse from the same boys she might have had an interest in. Like I said before, no one is raised in a vacuum. Black girls in the age range of the app’s users (Gen Z), are still growing, developing, and learning. Even the most self-assured grown woman, equipped with the knowledge and wisdom that comes with age, can still get her feelings hurt. Speak love to your daughters constantly, and get rid of the things that seek to demean her.
All in all, everyone is entitled to their preferences, and to voicing them. You are not going to be everyone’s preference, and you may not prefer someone who prefers you. The next time a prominent male figure announces his preference for nonblack women, just nod and smile, and move accordingly. You can prefer your money and social media likes to stay far away from them, for instance. You can prefer to avoid all of them and live your single, glorious, childfree life with your trusty canine, feline, or equine companion. And you can prefer to bring them “to the brink” (© KsC) by bringing your womb, and the blackness that comes with it, elsewhere. The real black love is the love you have for yourself, period. What are your thoughts on all this? What’s your preference? Let’s hear it in the comments below.
Disclaimer: This blog was written by me, Nicole, and my ideas are not necessarily reflective of Christelyn Karazin or other writers on this platform.