I find it absolutely hilarious that we get black woman after black woman writing all these open letters and blog posts about how they only want a black man. Yet here we are: Up to our eyeballs in black men who can’t seem to get it through their heads that this is a pro-interracial relationship site largely geared at black women who date interracially.
We unapologetically encourage black women to place character above color. No, we aren’t interested in your sob stories about how you just can’t find your black princess no matter how hard you try.
And that brings me to the subject of this post: “Don’t Leave Us Black Women, We Need You.”
The rise of BWE and BW-centric circles has led to black women encouraging other black women to move away from anti-black women structures and pro-black circles that only care about or cater to black men. It has also seen a rise in black women networking, traveling, increasing their options in the greater world. This also means being more and more open to dating and marrying non-black men.
There have been many attempts to stop the black women who are headed for the exit. The old standbys have been, “we need to stay together as a people to fight white racism” and “you just want to be accepted by white people.”
When that didn’t work, we were insulted and threatened.”You look desperate” or “don’t come back to us after the white man has used you” and all other sorts of tripe. Speaking of which, we get constantly bombarded with messages about sex, because CLEARLY that’s how a black woman makes all her important life decisions. “Nobody can hit it like a brotha” “How are you going to cope with a pink penis?” “But black men are the biggest.”
The double standard flag was flying high: Black men could date, marry and sex whoever they want and expect a round of applause from black women. Black women do the same and get the third degree from black Americans everywhere.
But instead of complaining and staying put, more and more black women were simply continuing to move on.
So, what happens when insults, guilt-tripping and threats don’t work anymore? It’s time to pull out another okey-doke: Sob stories, big puppy eyes and have all of Niagara Falls falling down your face.
“I’ve got it so hard, harder than you black women know. You are all doing great, but what about ME? You just going to leave me behind? I want a black woman who has all the options to date whoever, but it really hurts me when she exercises them. I want a black woman who is educated and desirable, but I want her to put her loyalty to the race above her happiness. And I see black women aren’t doing that anymore. That means black women are going by character over color and judging me as a man instead of as a BLACK man. They see all my faults and red flags. I can’t put anything over on them. So…please stop. Let’s go back to you giving me a pass if I show up and just be black. It’s not FAIR having to compete with non-black men. I don’t know how to treat you like a lady, respect you as a woman or talk to you like a human being. I can’t court you, I can’t show love and affection. If I can’t insult and demean you and you stay put, I don’t know what to do. So…why don’t all you black women with options just stay put. Pretty please?”
I laid the gist out, but the black men who are going to come at you are going to be much more subtle. They will merely hint that they’re after a black woman with options. They will imply that they don’t approve of you exercising your options. They will say they want a black woman like you, who is thriving, but their actions will demonstrate that they have no interest in putting in any work to get you.
These men are going to be on the down low about what they feel. And what they feel is SHEER TERROR.
Desirable educated black women who don’t exercise their options are dying out. LITERALLY. A number of black women will go into menopause having never reproduced while waiting to have children by a black man. The uneducated, uncouth and “ghetto fabulous” variety of women are not being sought for anything long term. The truth is that if you are not college educated and are poor, these men are not looking to lift you up and care for you. They want “independent well to do” black women. Of course, the more of these women have children OOW that they then have to care for, the harder it is for such women to be able to offer these men the lifestyle and image that they want. So there’s just not that many black single mothers that these men would give a second glance.
One way or another, there is a shrinking pool of marriageable black women to choose from. And a major contributing factor is that less and less black women are interested in sitting on the sidelines specifically waiting for “an ideal black man”.
These men are seeing more and more black women saying they have no interest in limiting their options, so some of them have gone the route of trying to “sob story” you into feeling so bad for them that you surrender your options.
If they can’t earn your loyalty and respect, they hope to trick it out of you by playing on your maternal instincts. Because we know DAMN WELL they would not try this “life is so hard, take care of and feel sorry for me” crap at a table of hard-working-as-a-principle-because-that’s-what-men-do alpha males. Some black men are constantly trying to get over on black women emotionally because they are used to an environment of coddle-happy women, especially women who raise little boys with no help or assistance from the fathers or have access to suitable father figures.
They are playing dumb: Even hardened uneducated street thugs do not have time for crybabies and know enough to see these men are full of Grade A cow dung. What does that tell you about these men coming at educated black women with this nonsense?
Black men like this are just looking to play off your emotions as a woman. They are still looking for that magical series of buttons to press to trigger your indoctrination and keep you paralyzed.
I’m going to extend that to saying NOBODY worth a damn feels that the way to anyone’s love and time thinks that all they have to do is lay out all their issues, and passive-aggressively imply that the other person is at fault somehow.
Healthy relationships with other people are built on mutual trust, respect and love. They AREN’T developed by being expected to sacrifice your options for the sake of the egos of total strangers. As more black women learn this, the playing field shifts.
NO, NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE HAPPY WITH THIS APPROACHING REALITY.
When you encounter comments like this offline and in reality, keep moving forward. Some black women’s hearts are too big and they start feeling sorry for people they don’t even know and thinking somehow it’s in their own best interest to “be fair” and limit themselves.
The joke will be on YOU at the end of the day. So continue to do you no matter what other people try and throw at you to keep you going no place fast.