In my previous article on the whole “gold digger” meme, I said the following:
It is really tiring to me when I see people throwing [the word gold digger] at a black woman the minute she opens her mouth about wanting to date and marry a man of means or at the very least has more money than she does. I get tired of this jank as hell word being thrown at black women who don’t settle for…. [every] form of undesirable.
[The current position of many black women is the direct] result of generations of black wombs making themselves available for men going nowhere. Until finally producing a generation of men indignantly demanding the right to refuse the security of marriage and giving the time of day to children THEY ALREADY HAVE but still, just temporarily, having access to a womb that will not be wanted or desired beyond a few brief occupations.
Black women need to cross unsuitable men off their list. These are not men you associate with, argue with, or try and prove yourself to. If you are sincere about finding someone who loves and will look after you…pass on men who hide behind a lopsided view of feminism and the modern woman to mask their inadequacies.
As I stated in the previous article, the reality of many men who go on about gold diggers is they have no gold to dig. It’s often the poorest, most unsuitable males that cry the loudest about some “lazy gold-digging ho” trying to take advantage of them.
Although I have learned to place such remarks squarely in the “projection” category, it is important that women know that men like this are waving a huge red flag.
First of all courtship is not about a woman trying to show any man that she can provide for and protect him. It’s not her trying to show how not-a-leech she is by offering to go dutch or even paying for the dates. It is and has always been about the man demonstrating his intentions to MARRY.
Dating and courtships are two entirely different things. A man who dates you and wants you to demonstrate “how you’re not a gold digger” by giving him money is a second-rate pimp as far as I’m concerned. At the very least, he’s not a man who is seriously invested in pursuing a long term relationship with you. And if he is, do not expect this self-serving stingy behavior to magically disappear if you marry him.
Like attracts like.
There are indeed women who are feminists, ardently, to the point they demand to be able to pay for everything. And if a man really wants that type of woman, it’s certainly the type of woman he should go for.
But this logic of “women want to be equal, so I’m not taking care of any woman” comes from the mouths of a type of male that attempts to blame his feelings on feminism.
The problem is that when women go looking for a suitable mate, it’s not on behalf of the Feminist Movement. Women are seeking a man who will love and respect her as his wife…not just “a woman”. Moreover, a man who is willing to care for her when she can’t care for herself.
What is a woman supposed to do when she physically can’t work because of a difficult pregnancy, illness, or a disability? Should she reasonably expect to be dumped “because she can’t pull her own weight”?
Also consider children: You can’t split them down the middle; they need the support of both parents. Will a man who isn’t willing to go above and beyond to care for a woman he’s supposed to love “because we’re equal now” magically start to care and provide for his kids?
A better question is….why would any sensible woman risk the negative consequences associated with such a man in the first place?
As I said in another post on the matter:
this isn’t about two people much of the time: It’s about a man, a woman, and eventually their kids.
This makes things UNEQUAL. It is the woman who carries the children. It is the woman who risks her life to bring them into the world. It is the woman who raises and nurtures her children.
This is the same throughout nature. Only the difference between the animal kingdom and the human population is you have men eager to flip the script and reject any true responsibility for woman and child.
It’s just another way for unsuitable males to get into the path of women that need to leave them alone. These men are about themselves. They do not have the maturity, empathy, or inclination to ever stop being about themselves. These are the men who knock women up and then turn tail and run from said women and any progeny.
These are the men with deflated egos that seek to blame anyone and everyone for their character flaws. Today it’s “feminism and the modern women”. In truth these men have always been around and have always been unsuitable. It’s just now they have a new excuse to hide behind as to why they aren’t worth a damn.
A few hundred years ago, such men would stay away from worthy women unless they wanted a sword through the heart, courtesy of father, brother, or another male in the woman’s circle of protection. Today, some women no longer have that (some…not all…) and are fully expected to make their way in the world and learn on their own what type of men are suitable and which ones are a major waste of time.
This has enabled a class of males who previously were denied access to get at these women with their sob stories, backwards expectations, and totally dupe these woman as to get whatever it is they want out of them. Whether it’s easy access to sex, a free meal, or a punching bag to blame for their own inadequacies.
Ladies, life is too short to waste men who are in a “what can you do for me” mindset versus courtship mindset. If you are an independent black woman who has your own…ask yourself why you even need such person. A relationship is a joining of two people, not two individuals together. There is no “separate but equal” logic in any sensible relationship.