Today’s article continues on our spotlight a new couple, Trini and Jay. Trini was so kind as to speak with me about her 26-year marriage to Jay. This segment focuses on their love and their experiences with others. I hope you enjoy the piece! Thank you, Ms. Trini, for your participation.

Have you found this location (southern US) more welcoming of your relationship than other places you’ve been to in the past?

I feel that all the places we’ve been to have had mixed race couples. It is interesting though, how people can behave differently; depending on where you go. There are some great people in the south yet, in certain areas and states, you can find more traditional people with insular views. For example, one time, I was with my husband at Walmart. As I was going through my grocery list by the cash register; I noticed that there was this black man there with a non-black woman. I was getting dirty looks from both of them. This has happened to us multiple times. It is quite comical, as it is ironic. Back east you might get the looks too, but the intensity of ‘disapproval’ is not really there. I found the South and Midwest to be more similar. I have gotten fairly similar reactions there in previous interracial relationships.

When we visited the nation’s capital, it was beautiful. The environment was more welcoming, as it should be. It is the nation’s capital after all. We saw multicultural couples everywhere. Seeing women who look like me, with a myriad of men of other races and ethnic groups is a real treat. You would see elegant black women who were clearly levelling up and attracting quality men of all groups.

I find that whenever you try to enter into new spaces, people will try to assess your worthiness. Whenever I attend weddings, for example, people want to know who we are as a couple. I guess that’s normal but, sometimes there is a hint of why did he pick you from some women and that happens regardless of race. The key thing for me is that I do not come across as if I have a ‘chip’ on my shoulder. At times it can be a bit burdensome. Women are intuitive as a survival mechanism.  It is really important to be open, friendly, and to learn what it takes to navigate your space.

What is the best thing that you like about each other?
I love how he cherishes me and really does things to show it. He will take the time to pamper me and treat me more than a queen.  He picks up the slack around the home, even though he works and helps run our business. Numerous times when I just didn’t feel like doing certain chores, he stepped in and stepped up. Another thing he’ll do that I actually like -I realize some women may not like this- is that if he runs out of ideas of what to do for me; he’ll go shopping and often come home with an evening or cocktail dress. I love glamorous clothing so it’s fun to see what he gets. He’s usually spot on. I love it!  One of the big things we fell into doing early in our relationship is serving each other in bed. I mean, food. He’ll bring me food on a tray. We’ll cook for and serve each other. He’ll buy flowers for no reason at all. I love that he takes the time to learn what I like and as a result, I always try to do the same thing for him.

He’s very romantic. Once, I was going through our credit card statements and found out that he had planned a surprise cruise trip for us. I tried to ask him where we were going, but he let the location be a surprise. Needless to say, I was very pleased.

For me, I really care about his feelings. I love talking about most things and resolving different problems and situations that might come up between us. I don’t want to fight or be out of sorts with him. I love living peacefully with him. In the past, that was not the case at all with previous boyfriends or exes. When you find the right one, you’ll really care about them and their emotional health. With us, we don’t want to hurt each other’s feelings. He doesn’t want to see me cry. If something is wrong, he will do his best to fix things. And I love that quality in him.

You can marry well for money, but it is extremely important to marry a man of character.  You can make money, but you can’t change a person’s character. It is important in my opinion to find a man of compassion, quality and character. Empathy is important too. You have to look at how he treats people when you are not looking. I grew up not seeing that but knew that I wanted those qualities in a man because I knew it existed. I am so grateful to see more of that in him each day.

Thank you so much for reading this article. We will continue this piece in another segment. If you are interested in participating in this series or know someone who might be willing to collaborate, please share a message below or connect with Christelyn Karazin.