Gender Conflict

Why They Waited…Non-Black Men Explain Their Shifting Preferences

After I released this video…

A slew of men came to the channel to share their stories, and I thought it would be appropriate to share them here:

From Darrell G…

I am one of those guys you speak of, when I met my black girlfriend she was 25 and I was 35.  So yeah, we tend to go for younger, mainly because if we have been in a long term relationship…we want to go back to living life.  The life and options that weren’t always present.  I agree one thousand percent on what Christelyn spoke on.  Its not that BW are second string.  Its because we were all lied to.  We were all told to stay on our side of the road, and God forbid you cross that line.  This image is still being perpetuated within the black community, sadly.  Example-That WM just want BW for booty calls.  Or that WM have ulterior motives.  It couldn’t be that we find them beautiful, and want to pursue that as far as we can go… Yes, part of it is biology, such as wanting a woman that can produce children.  I am not blaming BW for this disconnect.  Like I said, there is a lot of mis-information floating around.  If you are a younger woman, and don’t want a man my age, fine.  Just be polite about it, and we will move on to someone who does…!!!  Its not a big deal, unless you make it one.

From ‘Trail Blazer’

Hi Christelyn,this video is head on.Your intro nails the awkward times years ago. Me I dated  and eventually got married! It was 1980 we met.1982  We tied the knot. Back then was a world away,almost a different planet than it is today.I went through some serious situations from family & friends.None was good.We were disowned by all,both sides of the family’s,except her  father & my parents.We often got into verbal assaults from former neighbors(Thought were friends) I known since I was in diapers! Racism has deep tentacles I discovered.We lasted over seventeen years,that in and of itself is a miracle in these days. Sabotage our relationship ushered in banishment/Isolation.We & our children were socially Isolated from family,in school my daughter often found herself getting jumped for just being different.(She won 99% of the fights even though she was out numbered)The other children were black! My oldest daughter I adopted is black and I came into her life at the age of 6,months.Moving on it wasn’t always bad but the years rolled on and our marriage foundered for the typical reasons nothing to do with the race issue.But the struggle was real,looking back must say the social isolation took its toll.Last of all even my job treated me different when they knew whom I married.I got the worst truck,keep me out late at night.I was a E.M.T racism coming from every sector  of my life.This reply is getting long.Ill just say the times are way better today.Like you said here,most younger people have not lived through that world.Today I’m a few months entering my 60,Th.Year young..LOL I been single for 20,Years still looking but ill stay in my back yard of close age! I have casual acquaintances with lady’s (They come to me,don’t know why but they do) in their mid-thirty’s.Guess as you said they like being treated like a Queen (Old School) Its a day out for me better than sitting home in my rocking chair. LOL Just enjoy talking to younger people.Any way Peep”s there is my (Abbreviated) story.Hence: My screen name”TrailBlazer” I surly was.Very happy seeing these time change in a Big way.Keep up the Great Work Christelyn.

From Adam W.

You should not have an issue with someone who was made to feel uncomfortable about pursuing or not pursuing an attraction in the last 10 year or longer ago. Times were much different then and it is extremely difficult to go after something when you know that you will be attacked on all sides. I was attacked by black women even 10 years ago about my attraction. I was told I was wasting my time. I was told I would never find a black woman who would be interested in getting married to me. This topic of conversation is extremely relevant to all of us. In order to be more sensitive and respectful and open to us all, we must make an attempt to see things from the other perspective. When I began dating black women, it never crossed my mind that some black women would equate me with the slave owners from America’s past and how we mistreated black women all through our nation’s history. It is a valid thought and feeling to have. Doesn’t apply to me as I am a good, decent man, but I will not judge or ridicule any black man or woman for feeling that way. All I can do is lead by example. Tolerance and understanding of each other and our struggles is what is needed to heal the wounds of time.

From Mark:

From my perspective I wasn’t in the company of black women and was culturally divided from black women and it wasn’t until I was older was I lucky enough to be in the company of black women to learn how beautiful and wonderful they are. Very good insight Christelyn ..we have been literally separated economically and socially. It wasn’t until I began to work in NYC did my world open up.

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