Despite what many people think, I have a few friends who are black men. Most of them are successful and married to white women (haha it’s the truth).
I was having a conversation with one of them today, and he was teasing me about my hair. As you know, I’m an unapologetic naturalista. He told me that, while it was cute, unless a man is from the heart of Africa, he’s not really feeling the “nappy” look. “That ish don’t move!” he said.
When he said that, I paused…looked at him and assessed. This man is the tall, dark, and handsome “IBM” type that black women swooned over (and probably still do) who took all his success and riches and built a life with a white woman, which is okay…no problem with that from me. But his critique about a thing that phenotypically bonded us came as such a shock, because he’s what you’d call very “conscious.” He’s studied ancient Egyptian and African history, and he’s always teasing me that “I’m so white,” because I don’t know all the “black stuff” he does.
But what hurt was that I’m looking at this man, who is basically my reflection in male form, tell me that the hair that grows from my head isn’t attractive to men like him, and let him tell it, MOST men, regardless of the race, aren’t feeling the hair that “don’t move.” He even implied that my husband probably would like my hair straight, too. PFFFFT!
Then I thought about all the black women still doing cartwheels, wearing weaves, burning their scalps with relaxers, ironing their hair in order to feel attractive to men like my friend, and I felt so sad for them. Why do they do all this? TO PLEASE THE MEN!!! Don’t think for one second that a “nothing-but-a-black-man-for-me” woman knew that a wash-and-go would have the men she sought chasing her down the street, Korean beauty supplies everywhere would declare bankruptcy in all of a week. What an incredible rejection…to know a man you desire wouldn’t be checking for you because you wear your hair how it grows naturally from your hair, because THAT SHIT DON’T MOVE LIKE A WHITE GIRL’S DOES.
It’s truly heartbreaking. I have never felt as much rejection in my entire life than I have had from the men who look just like me. Many of our men truly do hate their feminine reflection, which is why in part our community as a whole is suffering. What’s the saying? You know the strength of a nation by the way the men treat their women? Yeah…
Ladies I’m going to tell you something. PHUCK THEM!! If a man insists that the hair that looks JUST LIKE HIS isn’t mutilated and straightened into submission, PHUCK THEM!!! When I told my friend of all the letters from non-black men who think I’m the most gorgeous thing they’ve ever seen, naps, kinks and all he didn’t believe me!
Black men, I don’t hate you. But it’s heartbreaking to know you hate me as I am, your reflection. It’s ironic that the very men you resent (white men especially) love my hair more than you do. And that’s why eventually, you will stay losing, because your best and most beautiful black women will go where they are TRULY loved and accepted.
Sisters, it’s time we let men who think like this, who will NEVER accept us because they’ve been to brainwashed into thinking that their OWN WOMEN are inferior GO. Just let them go. Don’t try to convince them. Don’t try to guilt them into thinking differently, because they won’t. The damage has been done.
Go to the men who accept your NATURAL SELF, period.
And you know what? I thank God in heaven my friend married a white girl before I really got “conscious” of my own unique beauty, otherwise I would have been on that hamster wheel too.
GET OFF THE WHEEL!!!!
Oh…and my hair MOVES!!! #Bouce