Is There a Conspiracy in the Traditional Black Church to Keep Black Women Single and Lonely?

kennaGransberg only if it's main service is in another language...

kennaGransberg Yes for latino ppl the church sign is in another language and in Seattle there are Korean Baptist and Chinese Baptist churches everywhere. Actually my mom attends a nationwide bible study group at the Chinese Baptist church. My thought is anyone can join but you'll know who are joining.

That s right Eugenia, we all know what is meant by the black church. And yes the philippnos and koreans have churches with their respective names.

kennaGransberg lmbo, I live in SC, hear it all the time!

actually I go to a white church...

PearlkennaGransberg meh... LOL

PearlEliseYMasonkennaGransberg One hour on the dot, lol.

kennaGransberg You can see the latino, asian(korean, chinese etc) and "black" church all within a few miles of each other depending on the city, lol. A "white" church probably is not usually considered because they are usually the standard.

jbutlergreen I'd say look outside the pews as well because I found from my last church (it was awesome no complaints) that all the men of marriageable age were already taken. It became a downer to spot some one who made my eyes light up only to see him holding hand with someone after service, either the missus or a mini-me.

valeriesmith15 Love this "People who are not interested in your vision, stay away from them, they are vision killers, be around vision dreamers." And your examples of Esther and Ruth ... especially Ruth. If she wasn't out gleaning in the field Boaz would never have seen her to inquire about her. Ladies, get out there and be a presence and present your best foot forward even if all you are doing is "gleaning."

Then you must check out the LA church the site is http://www.caicc.org/ tell me what you think? I have not had the chance to go I am all the way in nyc going to nycicc. Each year all family churches meet up to fellowship!!!

Pearlnyaw the best church I ever attended was a home church with about 10 members- it was warm, accepting and honest, like a real family to me, I've been chasing that ever since lol

Pearlnyaw ask me why I still ain't there, families change lol

EliseYMasonPearl

WAW! I understand you ladies, I was really turnd off with the many things going on in a church I went to. There were people gossipping behind backs to, there was no discipling (giving guidance to be a better disciple). But NOW I am around people talking the talk and trying each day to walk the walk, even leaders in church being open about there struggles of impure thoughts especially something like masterbation. I have never before seen this.... When I see people like you guys chatting like this it makes me want to just share about where you all can find that peace and grow spiritually and if anyone is struggling with anything (being lustful etc.) they are put in check, guided but the key is to be open about what is going on in your life...so there are churches (definition, the whole body of Christians) out there.

PearlnyawEliseYMason The church I am at now does so much for others. There are so many ministries for every scenario domestic and abroad. The youth ministry is really good. There's a farm to support the twin city food banks here. There were three homes built for transitional housing for homeless families. It's off the chain abroad as well. It is an awesome church to go to!

PearlnyawEliseYMason My church in Az was half as much this one and was good. This one is in Temecula so you just have to move near us, lol! My 16 year old daughter loves it too.

Pearl Daughter actually still goes to another church that we went to while she played tennis in San Diego. She has a ton of friends there and just goest to their youth night. Oh and she is home schooled, so you two have a few things in common.

Pearl Sunday school was a trip for me too, lol. My daughter is over my shoulder and just said her Sunday school was just fine....like, "mine was good...oh well".

Pearl Yeah, my dad used to be a part of the pass the plate for the pastors new mercedes kind of church. I asked how he could be a part of a congregation that operated like that...he finally left and hasn't looked back. He was the associate pastor at the Los Angeles Union Rescue Mission after that.

Pearl Exactly...like I explained about the other church. Makes you want to make/give more. The local and world wide ministries are more important than the pastors new suit, shoes and car.

Pearl Ima bout to sin...going to watch Mrs Brown (BBC Movie).....Gerard B is in it.

Pearlnyaw if you have common fundamental beliefs and you talk about these things upfront you should be able to make it work, especially if you accept each other for who you are and don't see the relationship as a conversion mission. I knew a female that was engaged and let the man go because he wouldn't get RE-baptized in the name of JC after being baptized saying "father, son and holy ghost".. she is over 40 and STILL SINGLE to my knowledge. There are White churches with parallel doctrines and practices. I know because there are people in my family in ministry and I have witnessed my share. For every predominately black denomination, there is a parallel white one. They usually split up in the early 1900s over a particular doctrine and then over Racism. I don't believe everything my partner believes. I am not Talmudic, BUT we both agree on following Torah. some of his interpretations are different than mine. But I ain't about to be SINGLE over not eating meat and dairy together. Some black females would end the relationship over it. You are NEVER going to find someone who agrees with you on EVERY-thing. Go for the things that really matter in everyday life. Chuck the rest.

Pearlnyaw Well I hear females all the time talking about how "hard" it is to find someone who believes like they do... If you think it's THAT easy, you have found your niche! Help those females find em! But I thought you might like to check this out. IT illustrates my point that it isn't just a "black church' thing but a CHURCH/ or Christian thinking things - "

request for advicePosted by Jim Reed on August 18, 2010 at 9:33 AM

Dear Ms. Anthea, I have a problem something like that with my wife. She is an African. When we were married, we were not religious, and for me it was very important to question any religious belief. After our first child she started to become religious, and currently attends a non-denominational white evalgelical church. I was invited to a few of their functions (they have several per week), but they soon learned I was going to question religion and say things people didn't want to hear, so I am no longer invited to any. Jesus (real or imagined) is the most important thing to my wife, like you describe in this article. I used to think if she switched from that white church to a black church things might be in some way better, but after reading what you wrote now I am thinking that might just make things worse. What advice would you give me?"

Pearlnyaw I'm with you on THAT one! ;)

I only was now able to follow the convo, there are so many good topics being posted...AWESOME! Pearl Yeah you are so right you do not have to compromise on something important to you for love. EbonyLoveandMarriage The relationship people, including myself, have with God is like a relationship. So if something is important to you and you go along and get yoked with someone indifferent, it would be the beginning of unhappiness, disappointment and lots of convincing ( why you make the choices you make). What brothers(no particular ethnicity and stereotype) in churches should be doing to help their sisters is getting more men involved in living a righteous life so they could have spot with God, that is only if they want it. Also train them by living the life they should live as well.

part 2.

PEOPLE see religion(definition, a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects: the) as a dictatorship someone telling you what to do...so why do people not want to do good and live blameless? To live this life is not as bad as people think it is, at the end of it all when you prepare to die you know where you are heading.....just saying..luv this :)

nyaw

I agree on differentiating between false doctrine and preaching/teaching that squares with the Word of God. I go to a church that emphasizes Christian education, and life application of the Word. Even so, the old saying holds true about EVERYBODY in church ain't saved, or tryin' to act right. People’s spiritual growth, levels of maturity, behavior in church is a microcosm of society. And in the case of a lot of black churches, the black community too. Worshiping at the same church doesn't automatically gain my "good friend level" trust.

As far as the church keeping bw single, IDK, I think that's more about a GAT-DL undercurrent/mentality present within some churches. I was just never completely sold on the "hold out for a black man or die" mindset from the start, in church or out. I've always had an attraction to white men, asian men, and sometimes black men. I go to a baptist, predominantly black church and I truly enjoy it. But I go there for God's Word, and to further my walk with Christ. As far as finding a husband there, I let that notion go a couple decades ago. Like most black churches, the women outnumber the men and of the men who are single and in my age range, well, I'm just not interested in them. Given my top of list future husband criteria is for him to be a Christian -- walking and living it throughout all aspects of his life, and the objective fact of the numbers not being in my favor, etc. no prob. I probably won't meet Mr. Right IN church (or some church function, ministry, etc.). My last two long-term relationships (one white, the other multiracial: black and white) came from outside the church walls; but these men knew from jump the importance of my faith to me, and even sought to grow more themselves. One (wm) even joined church, was baptized and actively participated in ministry. All of this was about 11 years ago. Sharing timeframe for context. Did I get the side-eye from some of my brothers and sisters? Oh yeah. But since I was and still am a long-term member of this church, knew other members, I also received a lot of positive comments from folks who genuinely seemed happy that I was happy. Again, it's a microcosm, from the GAT-DL to people who do care and just want to see you happy whatever that looks like. Over the years I've noticed more younger bw/wm, bm/wm (more of these than bw/wm), college-age folks attending service together. Don't know if they're couples or not, but I'm just glad to see it.

For me it comes down to the various "don't limit God" lessons I've learned throughout life. Christians work, play, travel go shopping, do all kinds of everyday stuff outside of the church walls -- AND come in all the various shades of skin God made. I might meet Mr. Right at the grocery store, bookstore, through a mutual acquaintance, who knows. I'm not going to limit God on the place we first meet or the skin color of my future husband.

Pearl I have to say that brainwashing is common in ALL churches .. and i have been to enough of them to know this! You will find a lack of logic in ALL of them and their teaching because the religion requires you to suspend logic. I don't go to ANY churches anymore. Regardless of the skin coloration of the people in them, unless it is for a wedding or some function or to see people I know and love.

PearlEbonyLoveandMarriage religion IMO should always be based on the pursuit of truth, but if truth cant stand up to scrutiny then how true is it?? logic necessary

EliseYMasonPearl I WHOLE HEARTEDLY agree with you Elise, but I find that most religious people are absolutely HOSTILE when you suggest that they scrutinize the beliefs of their religion or the teachings.. most especially I find this among Christians since most people I know are Christians. I thought a man was going to attack me over a critical discussion over the constrasts between what Paul wrote and what Jesus taught. It was scary how emotionally charged he was at the suggestion. Most people I know of who are Christians are NOT interested in Logical analysis of the writings of Paul or their beliefs. They say they already "HAVE' the truth.. even when their "truth" contradicts the "thus sayeth the Lords" in the bible or the " I the Lord say"...it saddens and baffles me all at once.

Pearl I was talking about CHRISTIANITY not "religion " in general... and I am speaking based on my experience as a Christian (former ) and with Christians. IT DOES NOT ENCOURAGE LOGIC or CRITICAL thinking but "faith, faith, faith".. and even faith when the very book you hold tells you that what you have faith in is not correct! I could be a millionaire if I got $5 for every time I have heard someone (CHRISTIAN) saying or espousing some religious ideology using the BIBLE that the precedent they claim they respect negates. If Christianity encouraged logic, you wouldn't hear preachers talking about Jesus being "the passover lamb sacrificed for our sins" ---that is ILLOGICAL.. for one, The most high of the Hebrews NEVER requires Human sacrifice for sin, that is a pagan practice, for 2, there are SEVERAL places in Torah where it says NO MAN CAN DIE FOR THE SINS of another but every man must DIE FOR HIS OWN SINS.. and for 3 and its right in Torah.. THERE WAS NEVER A PASSOVER LAMB KILLED AS A SIN OFFERING....EVERY!!! But I can show a Christian, book, chapter and verse in the multitudes for everything I just said and instead of looking it up, and even when I have organized it all for them, they defy logic and talk about they have FAITH that it can be so even though the very ONE they say they worship says YOU CAN'T DO IT.. that is what I am talking about "Faith" over logic.

PearlEliseYMason How can everyone "have their own truth?" are you saying that TRUTH is subjective? So if my Truth is that there is no god, and yours is that their IS.. what on EARTH is the truth? The Truth can be deduced by the logic. If what someone holds as TRUTH is actually FALSE and we are all striving to do that which is correct and just ( and that cannot be done under DECEPTION AND IGNORANCE) then we MUST QUESTION EVERYTHING and feel comfortable doing so if we are to every know what the truth is! You are proving what I said to be true Pearl. I am not faulting you for your thinking, I expect it, But I am saying that I don't know of Christians who will question what they have been told over the pulpit.. Forget about what they study.. most don't bother studying their own scriptures objectively, because they are CONVINCED by repetitive hearing that someone else'e interpretation of it all is the TRUTH.

EbonyLoveandMarriagePearlEliseYMason First warning, you do not come in here and attack anyone's beliefs or who ppl are. We are of different faiths in this group, we don't attack ppl's faith or non-faith. You are heading in dangerous territory.

PearlEbonyLoveandMarriageEliseYMason This is a troll, don't feed it. This conversation has come out of nowhere and it's not even on the subject.

eugeniamitchellPearlEliseYMason My intentions are not to "Attack " anyone. I am speaking nothing but facts. My family members are Christians. i used to be one. That doesn't negate the fact that there are many illogical beliefs promoted in Christianity ( whether they are from Paul or the Pulpit) that do factor in to bad choices that black females who are Christians take. Even the belief that you can be celibate as a ministry (Paul's admonition for a widow to stay single).. you won't find that value or ideology ANYWHERE else but in HIS writing. The Hebrews did not value being alone and without a partner and considered marriage and multiplication a MITVOH OR good deed/commandment. No one was sitting around waiting for a husband to fall out of the sky. Marriage were even arranged at an early age.

EbonyLoveandMarriagePearlEliseYMason Second warning.

This is something that always perplexed me. The most "churchgoing" black folks often had the most lax sexual ethics and behavior... and I'm not talking about, "Okay, I made a mistake, I won't ever do that again," but then taking on the holier-than-thou persona and saying, "don't judge" when someone questioned them on their behavior. It's one reason why I struggle to read black-oriented marriage sites. They all have a very religious tone, yet most of the married folks had OOW kids and married long after having the kids... but again, say anything about that, and you're "judging." R. Kamaria

tigerjlv86 The Hubster was raised Catholic too. Thank GOD we found a non-denominational church we both enjoy. But yeah; do these "preachers" know that Jesus practically drank wine for breakfast everyday??