Question of the Week: “After Two Years, He Left Me. What Did I Do Wrong?”

What if you don't want children? What if you like sex, many women do not just men? And please read Song of Solomon b/c God did make sex for pleasure too. Yes you need to have sex with who you love, loves you and intimate partner. Why do women think men are incapable of doing that outside a marriage? What if you don't believe in God, I mean in the U.S. and many other countries not everyone believes in God. In the U.S. freedom of religion also means freedom from religion. Just asking some questions.

I needed to add that there are way too many insults and disrespect coming from BOTH sides. This is something I've seen on various BWE forums. Constructive criticism is fine but please remember that black women are torn down on a regular basis. I would think that BWE would be a safe haven for us.

(((kissing CNS)))) Thank you for this common sense post!

Are you sistas out there reading this? This is the kind of Black women we need dating in the global village.

Exactly!

You know what kitty, I don't care what you go to say. You are the most judgmental person I've seen in my life and you never have anything to add except your judgment. You are not God nor are his sidekick. So you what you think ppl deserve has no bearing in their lives. There are ton of sins, one is not worse than the other. Read Leviticus if you actually read the bible but you know what, that's why Jesus came so you can be forgiven and slate wiped clean. I'm glad I worship him and don't have to worry about Pharisees like you. And I'm quite sure from reading some of the posts that you are as guilty as anyone else regarding sinning. Unless of course, you ascended to heaven which I doubt. So while lining everybody else up for their punishment, get in that line yourself, your self-righteousness and smugness definitely deserves some punishment if it's being given out.

First, from a person who makes typos ALL the time, the word is, "embarrassing" not "embaressing."

And yes; I do see a lot of naiveté with young black girls and women, but knowing how to vet a man doesn't happen in a vacuum. You don't just magically know this stuff. If you are not taught, if you saw your mother being played by a string of men and your dad was no where to be found, how does one learn how to be treated? If you don't know, how can you blame someone for their ignorance? Girls without attentive fathers don't know how the hell to choose men...usually. The job of the father is to display HOW the daughter should EXPECT to be treated. But not to worry; I'm on the case. Vetting series coming soon.

Yes! This is it exactly. Unfortunately, some of us have to learn from our own bad choices. But by all means learn. Lessons from this situation: 1) Giving to a man who doesn't appreciate you or the type of relationship you want always ends the same- him with someone else and you feeling hurt/silly. 2)Such giving should never, ever involve large sums of money or lines of credit. 3) When and if said man chooses to be with someone else, do not entitle him to go to and fro as he pleases- CUT HIM OFF!!!

Chris,

LOL thanks for the typo correction, I didn't use spell check :)

I do understand that a lot of Black women do not come from environments that have fostered healthy relationships. But maybe it’s just me b/c aren't some things just COMMON SENSE?

Maybe not. It seems Black women have become so desperate for love that they throw all common sense out the window. You mentioned Judge Judy. Just the other day some Black woman was on there suing some Black loser who used her. They had not even been dating ONE MONTH and she "loaned" him $1200. Now he did not pay it back. But then he asks her to get him a new car b/c his credit was bad. What does this idiot do? Goes right down to the car place and puts a car under her name for this LOSER. Now she is suing him b/c he skipped payment son the car. Now. If a man had to "BORROW" $1200 from you and hasn't paid you back, why would your DUMB ASS go and get a car in your name for him and expect him to make him payments?????

There are countless other real life stories that I know of where idiotic Black women do this for losers and then want to bitch and complain and sue later.

See this is the kind of stupid shit Black women are doing and its getting to a point where I have to ask myself WHAT will it take for Black women to stop acting like they lack brain matter?

This is as you said the result of having no male figure in the homes and growing up in single women ran homes with mothers who did the same thing.

But somewhere this needs to end. B/C all Black women are going to do is take their issues and problems from one race of man to another. The same issues and problems Black women are having with Black men are the same issues and problems happening with White men. I don’t see a difference here. But I do see a common denominator. Black women always choosing losers men (no matter the race) getting played and then acting like they don’t know what to do or what happened.

LOSERS are attracted to women who they know they can get over.

I am starting to feel Black women in general should remain single until they develop better mating skills.

I agree with the vetting series. That’s a grrreat idea b/c its REALLY REALLY needed. Instead of posting letters of the week, Black women need to be reading Vetting tips of the DAY.

You know Guess Who I have read four of your post here and lets see, yep, there is a consistent theme.

Black Women are dumb and should stay single.

You spend most of your time here running Black Women down than offering any substantive advice. Your posts are really a drag to read and add nothing meaningful to the discussion.

I am going to take you at your word that you are a black women. Why are you on this path girlfriend? Your posts are always the same. Self hate much? I mean talk about dysfunction. You come off as someone who has something YOU need to get off your chest. Come on girlfriend you can tell us. What did you do?

I doubt it's a black woman. "Guess who?" implies that this jackass is a troll that was kicked off the site, most likely a bitter BM who both hates black women and yet has such a fragile ego, cannot stand the thought of a page like this .

Fortunately, such people aren't as smart as they think they are, as the name suggests. If you're a new commenter to the blog, you wouldn't say "guess who" because who the heck knows who you are?

This person clearly has issues, and isn't worth the energy.

I doubt it's a black woman. "Guess who?" implies that this jackass is a troll that was kicked off the site, most likely a bitter BM who both hates black women and yet has such a fragile ego, cannot stand the thought of a page like this .

Fortunately, such people aren't as smart as they think they are, as the name suggests. If you're a new commenter to the blog, you wouldn't say "guess who" because who the heck knows who you are?

This person clearly has issues, and isn't worth the energy.

Toni, This is either a dude or a male-identified woman b/c they keep coming back and saying the same thing and yea they got some deep issues.

Brenda,

I am telling the truth b/c Black women need to hear it! This is an IMMEDIATE PROBLEM that needs attention and truth telling before it gets worse. I am seeing a bunch of clueless Black women who are going to do nothing but have the same dysfunctional relationships in the global village that they have been having with Black men b/c Black women can’t seem to get it together.

Black women need to do some serious soul searching. Many are simply not equipped to be in healthy relationships. You would think that Black women would have learned by now after seeing how relationships with Black men have gone. Black women have had enough PROOF of what happens when you make bad choices and do stupid stuff for men - just by seeing how Black on Black relationships have gone for the last 2 decades.

Instead of taking this knowledge and applying better tactics with men of other races, sistas are doing the SAME THINGS that silly Black women who only date Black men have been doing for DECADES!

The problem is many Black owmen didn't think these things coiuld happen with White men and now they are seeing that its not the man its the WOMAN that creates these problems for herself.

Losers are attracted to women who they know they can get over. It’s very clear in this society Black women put up with a lot of men’s mess. DO you think these losers are seeking out Asian women? HECK NO! What Asian woman do you know will ever buy some dude a car and loan him money??

Come on sistas!!! Please stop it!

All the babying of these women that goes on here is the main reason why these women will never learn. I’m telling you right now, no QUALITY MAN of any race is going to be attracted to a group of women known to exhibit lack of critical thinking and self value. WHY? Its bad enough the world sees Black women as the biggest Baby Mommas. Now we are going to take this mess over into the global village? Come on.

First it starts with this kind of stuff. Next we’ll be seeing letters from Black women talking about their White baby daddies playing them.

I am just really disheartened reading this nonsense.

B/C what comes with picking losers and going through relationship drama based on bad choices is a lack of trusting and seeing a good man when he comes along.

If you were a quality person looking for a relationship would you date someone who has been through a lot of relationship drama? NO. They are a risk b/c they have shown lack of common sense and self value.

I’m looking forward to Christelyn’s Vetting series for sure. Many Black women NEED IT!

Guess Who:

While it is true that some BW are stupid enough to get played by loser men (of all races), this happens to WW as well. If you watch Judge Judy long enough, you'll see all races of women coming in with tales of woe.

Propping up bloodsucking men is something that all women do, regardless of race. Christelyn's vetting series would be great though. It appears that some BW need to figure out how to spot DBR men and not get caught up in sad situations.

At least this letter writer didn't get pregnant for the fool.

"All the babying of these women that goes on here is the main reason why these women will never learn. I’m telling you right now, no QUALITY MAN of any race is going to be attracted to a group of women known to exhibit lack of critical thinking and self value. WHY? Its bad enough the world sees Black women as the biggest Baby Mommas. Now we are going to take this mess over into the global village? Come on."

I agree.

I have also been accused of being a BM because I did not pat BW on the head and tell them that nothing is their fault.

Black women have an image problem which other women do not. We enter the IR dating game with strikes against us, no fault of our own. We can't make the same mistakes as other women because everyone will be less forgiving of those mistakes.

Hey, this writing style looks very familiar. Neecy, is this you? If so, de-lurk again :)

You think so? hmm, now we got a mystery.

BM need to teach their little black girls
to value themselves. Be an example by the way BM treat the mothers. Of course mothers have to be the example as well. Btw it is not left up to just the black mothers to riase girls or boys. Even then women of all races make bad decisions not just BW. BM do too. I must say you do, going by your comments and the name GUESS WHO? sound more like a male than a female. And I could very well be wrong you.

You are very sad and mean. If you feel embrassed by these pathetic letters week after week. You sure do not have to tune into this Website. Christelyn is doing a great job and I must say she is a very talented young lady. Have you ever heard of Dear Abby? A writer. A WW. She with her questions and answer letters from troubled women and men of all ethnic backgrounds WW,BW,etc. with concerns were featured in the news papers. This is nothing new some of what our author here is doing. My hats are off to Ms. Karazin, week after week bringing to us such wonderful topics. Some topics are sad, such as this one. My heart goes out to anyone who is or have been caught up in heart break. Even if they should have used better judgement. I will certainly not shake my finger in their faces. I believe we learn to do better and move on and try not to make the same mistake again. This Website is a eye opener for sure as I enjoy waiting to see what Christelyn has in store for us viewers who love beyondblackwhite. God help us all to find peace.

Are you a black man trying to get over on black women? Because it sure sounds like, why tell us you're a black woman if you actually are. No one ever does that on a blog that's by, for and about bw. Boy talking about somebody falling for the okie doke, dude please. U falling for it if you think that any of us think you're a black woman, wow? Don't they have other blogs that cater to bm who want to bw, you know transgender ones. LOL. Dude find something to do. But thanks for the laugh OMG.

No. I am really and truly a Black woman. And I am just so ashamed at how Black women are acting out there in the dating arena. Its sad as a Black woman to see this. And its embaressing. Sistas really need to get it together b/c I can already see a repeat of the kinds of dysfunctional relationships Black women have with Black men falling right over into the same kinds of dysfunctional relationships with White men.

Black women need to fix themselves first! It makes no sense to go from dysfunctional relations with Black men to the same dysfucntional relations with White men. Reading these QOTW its clear to me Black women are LOST, lacking self value, lacking CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS b/c they are making the same dumb ass choices and decisions with White men that they were making with Black men.

The problem is BLACK WOMEN do not know how to properly date and court! And until Black women learn to do so, they need to remain single and stop embaressing Black women as a whole with their dumb ass decisions.

i swear Black women look like the most idiotic, DESPERATE group of women on earth with the crap they put up with and do in relationshipos with men. WHAT GIVES?? Are Black owmen just so desperate to have a man that they date any ole person, do anything and everything (like buying cars) and all the other crap I read in these letters? Really.

Black women need to do themselves (and the rest of us Black women with half a brain) a favor and STAY SINGLE until they develop some self respect, dignity, CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS and some damn common sense.

These QOTW letters are really making Black women look like a bunch of dysfunctional idiotic women with issues. Not cute at all.

Yea sure. LOL.

"So black women who are nearing 25 yrs should hurry up and spread those legs already lest they catch a side eye from other people? WOW!
90 days as the maximum delay period?"

Oh, cut it out. You are grossly mis- characterizing what she said. Geez.

I think some folks have decided to completely throw out nuance and go for the easy offense and make this a black and white argument. I'm thinking it's easier to do this than actually take time and think critically.

Sanctimonious much?

This is a personal matter for individual bw depending on her beliefs. Being a virgin doesn't make anyone better than a non-virgin. Non-virgin does not = whore of babylon. Seriously. There is a middle ground here, especially with all the wonderful prophylactics and birth control on the market, in addition to vetting and plain old common sense. Stop twisting Deborah's words.

This is the exact same thing that happened with last week's question of the week, last time it was Brenda55's response, this time it's Deborrah's. We can't always get our feelings hurt b/c sometimes ppl have a way of saying things. Brenda is blunt, Deborrah from what I've seen on her blog and here is extremely blunt. I can't say I agreed with everything that ppl say or even how they say it but there is no room for the virgin/whore thing to go on here. Everybody's made some mistakes in life, no need to explain or justify them. You made them, you forgive yourself, you learn and you go on. You don't have to be a virgin or whore, there is a middle ground. But this letter was about more so much more than that and has been totally sidetracked by ppl trying to defend the choices they made or make those choices seem better than others. The woman in the letter don't care, she's probably going to be celibate/virgin and stay one. Somebody please let's give her and some other bw some lessons on vetting men, she could certainly use that a lot more.

I don't even know what to think at this point. I mean, we can't disagree without all hell breaking loose?! XD

Maybe we all need to go get some quality back rubs.

Yea I could use one, I think I'll ask my hubby when he gets back from his business trip. Thanks for the idea Toni.

LOL! No problem.

;D

And I ABSOLUTELY AGREE with the vetting lessons. And adding in there not going into IRs "color-struck". I feel like BW have blinders on for the wrong reasons and it's just really worrying me.