Question of the Week

Question of the Week: “After Two Years, He Left Me. What Did I Do Wrong?”

Hi Christlyn,

Ok so here is my problem. I have been in a serious monogamous relationship for the past two years. There were no signs that there were any problems it was a great relationship with what I thought would be the man that I would marry. I know you are going to say that I made a very stupid move for what I am about to tell you but like I said, this man was promising to marry me so here goes:

Last year he moved down to where I was to be closer to me. During the year and a half that he has been down here, he has had 2 brand new cars that I financed for him. I didn’t see the real problem with this (I do now) because we were making plans to be married by the end of this year. However, May of this year, after only a month of having the second car I got for him, he decided that he didn’t want to be in a relationship that he wanted to work on himself and be single. Two days later he slept with his co worker [also black] who he had been secretly talking to every night not once but four times.

This devastated me and right then I was trying to move on without him. But for the past 5 months he has been toting with my emotions. One week he would say that he would want to be with me 2 weeks later he would change his mind or say that he just couldn’t choose between me and the co worker he slept with. Finally about a week ago he made up his mind that he never wanted to get married that he thought it was better for him “spiritually” to be single. But I had this inner turmoil that there was more to the story. So this week he tells me he has once again changed his mind because the co worker he slept with has confessed (bullshit) how much she really needs and wants him however she is already involved and doesn’t want to be with anyone his size so he is thus truthful loose weight for her so that she would accept him. The advice I need is what the he’ll did I do or did not to for someone to just come in and ruin my entire life in a matter of months? Was it because I was saving myself for marriage and he just couldn’t keep his dick in his pants? Or was it really me that u trusted in this relationship so much that I gave much and he just wanted more excitement in his life? I am trying to move on the best I can by going back to school and trying to stay busy but when you are with someone for that long, it is very hard. Please! I need advice!

Some many things happening here, but I pick the most important: His assjack-ness is not, I repeat NOT your fault. And in this instance, be glad you wanted to save yourself for marriage rather than waste that gift (yes; it is a gift) on someone who does not deserve it.

Secondly, you and I had a nice chat through email and you informed me that this “woman” knew your ex, who is white, was in a relationship with you. You also mentioned that this is the first time she’s ever ventured into an interracial relationship. I believe she poached him for herself, knowing up front that he’s open to swirling, and this became a contest for her.

This happened to me once, albeit in high school, she-wolves prey at all ages. I started dating my first love, who was Hispanic and cute as hell. But! No one noticed him, because he was sort of quiet and reserved. And NO black girls even glanced his way. Until me. They saw us holding hands, making out at lunchtime, him passing me love notes. Then, all of a sudden, Ronnie Cambaliza was the hottest guy in school with the black girls and BINGO! he cheated on me with my frenemy.

Of course I was devastated, but trust me–after I found out about the subsequent felonies he committed and was jailed for after graduation, I was happy the trollop waved her panties at him.

Now to the financing two cars part. I’ll have to spank you on this one, chile. No…better: I hereby rule that you watch 10 hours of “Judge Judy,” who has too many stories of women who have done the same things because they were under the impression the man they were dating was going to make them a missus. Never, ever jeopardize your credit for anyone. Wait until you have the ring, the ceremony and pen to paper. In fact, never date a man who doesn’t have good enough credit to finance a car for himself. That’s clue Numero Uno that he can’t manage himself, let alone manage the rigors of being a husband and potential father and provider of your 10 kids.

But trust me on this, I know you’re mourning this relationship, but you dodged a major bullet too.

Ladies, did I miss anything?

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