Some of you may remember that waaaaay back when, I wrote about a situation here and on another IRR-geared flog called Interracial Intersection, right? Basically, you had black women trying to turn IRR spaces into a “black love nest” for NBAB-minded women who wanted to connect with the black men they knew were lurking this site.
The PSA was meant to wake up those women who naively think that using IRR-spaces to promote “black love” is reasonable or that many of the black men here were even interested. Or, given the verbal abuse and attempts at manipulation, that many of these men are desirable partners to begin with.
Well, wouldn’t you know it: A flip-side announcement is required.
I’ve been seeing with increasing frequency certain black men coming into these spaces and trying to sell the idea that, get this, they simply cannot find an ideal black woman on the internet or off-line. The popular explanation is that their desired partners are black women who are only interested in non-black men. We’ve been treated to sob stories, and have had to show at least a couple “gentlemen” the door. These men simply didn’t like the fact that our “social media hyped agenda” was about black women being open to dating interracially, rather than fixate on finding a good black man (TM).
First of all: There are two types of black women in these spaces.
There are women who, simply put, will never be attracted to black men as long as they live. You can be the most wonderfulest of purple unicorns, but these women will not. want. you. They just are not on the market. And so long as they are free to indulge their preference to date and marry non-black men, they will do so. And not care what you think.
There are also women who have no racial or ethnic preferences. They only desire a man of good character. This is not to say the women from the first group aren’t looking for non-black men of good character. It’s just that this group of women is not above “giving a brotha a chance”. The thing is, they are not fixated on black men and “black love”.
(I could count women who aren’t interested in dating interracially, but respect the rights of other black women to swirl. However that would be pretending that these are the sort of women that such men are trying to get at….but more on that later.)
However black women in IRR spaces feel about black men, there is one undeniable truth: As a whole, we are simply not checking for black men the way “black love”-centric black women are checking for black men. And we never will be.
In addition to rainbeaus, the women in these parts are interested in forming healthy connections with other human beings comprised of things that are substantial and concrete. As well as discussing a variety of topics that have nothing to do with black men.
And so the following PSA becomes necessary:
Black men wandering into these spaces to tell us all why we need to be black-male identified….miss us with your mess. Also miss us with your crocodile tears about how you can’t find a beautiful black woman who is smart, professional, etc. because all the “good ones” are being taken by non-black men. PLEASE do not insult the collective intelligence of the women here by trying to pretend that the percentages of black women dating interracially is anywhere near that of black men. Or that you couldn’t trip and fall over a good looking, black-male identified woman, who will love and uplift you because you are her black “king”. Or at the very least, love you and want to be your wife because she values the idea of a black family. Let’s not pretend this belief system is for an instant more common among black men than it is among black women.
Also, if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll note that there are women who pop up in these places ALL THE TIME who are clearly white-knighting on your behalf because they want your love and approval, and are trying to make these spaces into a happy home, all while not realizing that men like yourself do not give a crap about them.
Why? Because they will never be as attractive to you as the women you are checking for who are simply not available to you. Being able to make a black woman who isn’t remotely interested in black men drop her IR outlook and go after YOU is simply too much of a potential ego boost to resist. So you will keep hammering away and hamming it up until you get the desired effect. In the process, you will gladly step over NBAB black women. Even black women who respect IRR dating, but would prefer a black man. It’s just that they are not worth badgering in your minds, not like those black women who are not fixated on/even remotely interested in black men. For all your talk of whimsical black love, it all comes back to the ego of men who really need to let go.
So, whether it’s NBAB women trying to turn these sites into “black-love” dens for the black men lurking here or black men wanting to turn these spaces into “NBAB dens” for the sake of their egos, both sets of black people need to get a clue: BWE/BW/IRR-centric blogs, forums, websites, etc. will never be your “black love” hook-up source!
Stop trying to pretend that finding your black kang or qween is on the shoulders of people who are not even in that dog hunt. If you want to create “black love”, you should be seeking out existing communities for that. Please STOP wasting time and energy deluding yourself into thinking that this place or places like it needs to be rearranged to your liking. STOP behaving as if it’s wrong for these communities exercise their right to resist your attempted rearrangement.
MAKE YOUR O-W-N “BLACK LOVE” NEST/”NBAB HAREM” SOME PLACE ELSE!
Please and thank you.