What the Cuss?

For Real or For Fake? Black Guy Writes, Says He Can’t Find His “Queen”

So I got this letter in my inbox yesterday, and I must admit, I was scratching my head bald. First thing I thought was, “Is this some kind of Jedi mind trick?”

My name is Kevin and I have come across your website/blog and I would like to ask you for some advice.  To get to the point, I need help attracting a woman of color, preferably African American.  I am 24, about to graduate from college with an accounting degree (and I do plan to become a CPA), I think I am somewhat attractive and somewhat shy.  If I do like a girl I will often times attempt to approach her, but it seems I can never find a black woman that suits me.  I’ve come across your site and I notice that it is full of black women I only wish I could have– the problem is that they seemingly turned off to black men forever, and they are already in relationships.  I feel that my standards are not set too high.  I only desire a woman who is smart (not necessarily a college graduate), attractive (beauty is in the eye of the beholder), ambitious, self-reliant, and preferably no children, but it seems like black women of that stature wont even give me the time of day.  I do not address women in a derogatory manner or by using “pick up lines” because I would actually like to get to know the woman and what her dreams/goals/ambitions in life are and I try to judge based upon that, but it seems that women do not choose mates based upon the same standards.  I feel that I am attractive by the looks that I often get from white girls while I’m sitting in class, but I have no desire to be with one (they’re cute but I WANT A BLACK WOMAN, my queen).  I even once had a girl whose parents were from Ghana and she was the closest to the perfect woman for me, but she broke up with me because of her father’s desire for her not to be with an African American male (imagine how i felt).  I feel like I have so much to offer a woman, but only if one just gave me a chance.  I dont have an issue with a black woman dating a white man (or any color) but when I read comments about your “black unicorn” it saddens me because there are men out here who want a strong, smart, attractive black woman ( and i like darker skinned women) but smart, career minded, family first, respectful black men are cast aside in favor of whites without getting a chance.  I think I am presentable because I do have contemporary styling no tattoos, good teeth, etc and i try to be approachable (even though women NEVER approach a guy they like) but whenever I try to approach one of “those” black women they give me this look like I’m the scum of the earth. I guess this is the case in places where black women are trying to “swirl” and I am “cockblocking”– but I’m sorry for being attracted to, and attempting to share acquaintances with, an open-minded black woman in social setting. I would love to find one at my school but there are slim pickins’ in Kentucky, even more so in the C.O.B., and even more so in accounting.  To add to this conundrum I am from Cincinnati where there are more women but it seems all the black women stereotypes are in full effect. I’m sorry if I am rambling but I want you to understand the other side because it gets lonely when you dont want the “white prize”, and I’m not as fortunate as women who have suitors approach them daily.  It seems like good guys suffer because of the bad choices women make when it comes to their relationships. To the women on your site I would NEVER be a good spouse because in their mind black men are not capable of being good spouses, but to the black women who have not given up on us:  how do I get to know you on a more intimate(non-sexual in meaning) manner?  The reason I am asking you is because it seems that your readers have moved on to other races (which is fine, but in 3 generations their black heritage will be completely forgotten) and I want to know from your group of like-minded individuals what they want from an African-american male, and what can I do to find a black woman that is worth pouring my emotional energy into. Any advice/support/response would be so much appreciated, and could you please not post my real name if at all possible.  Thank you again and hopefully you can help me find the woman of my dreams, or at least on I would be happy with for a significant period of time.  Best regards.


Kevin from OH

Okay Kevin, I’ll play. You use of “all” black women are this and “all” black women are that is quite frankly, suspect to me. “All” black women aren’t a certain way, and a critical-minded person can identify that. Your comment about black women not wanting to be held accountable for their choices is another jab, which also leaves me to believe you’re trolling.

But if you’re sincere, I would suggest you get out more. Trust me, there are PLENTY of black “queens” who are looking for their “kings.” Join a church, Kevin. You’ll have your pick. The black church is chock full of single, educated (and childless!!!) black women from whom you can feed like a pig at a troth.  This myth that all these “good black men” are searching under rocks and swimming through shark-infested waters to find quality black women is a hunk of bull-donkey, dude. Black women outnumber black men be a whopping 2 million. This is often an excuse educated and successful single men who want to stay single use in order to garner sympathy while they run through woman after woman after woman. They’ll say, “I want a black woman, I really do, but they’re all hoodrats! And the ones that aren’t just want white men!”


Whatever the case, I do hope you’re sincere, because this is a whole lot of trouble go through just so you can have some attention on this blog.


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