This tactic of manipulation is an old one, but it’s around because it still works. But in this day and age of revenge porn and nude blackmail photos, you young ladies better get hip to it. The game goes like this: Someone you’re dating that you start to like a little bit (or maybe it’s just still a minor flirtation) treats you nicely. You know…the basics…telling you that you’re pretty, opens your door, buys you an ice cream. You say, “Gee gosh golly! That was nice of you! Well, I’m gonna go…on with the rest of my day…”
Not so fast.
The texts start. “You know I think you’re so blah blah blah. Send me a photo of you in your panties.”
You reply with: 😐 😑😒.
“What’s the matter?” He says. Don’t you trust me?
You think about it a bit, but you remember that one girl who sent those nude photos to her ex and it ended up on Facebook. You tell him you’re not comfortable with doing that.
He replies, “I thought we were better than that. Why do you insist on lumping me in with all those other dudes? I’m not like that!!”
You waiver, finger hovering over your shutter button, but think better of it. You decline once again. Then he comes back with…
“See?! You women are all the same! Typical!!”
So when he replies in that fashion, you may have one of two urges. 1) The urges to be one of the “good” ones and submit to his request; 2) Tell him to FUCK OFF and then block him.
I’m hoping you’ll choose the latter.
The medium may be new, but the tactic isn’t. You get some dusty fool feeling like he needs to do bare minimum, common decency kind of stuff, and in return, he wants your BODY and BLOOD. The most minuscule of courtesies is magnified in this weasel’s mind to the point where he feels ENTITLED to outrageous acts of complicity from women–be it compromising photos, money, sex, whatever in exchange. Yes ladies, this is what many losers in the dating world resort to in order to get what they want.
It is abusive to relentlessly try to guilt and manipulate a woman into doing something
she isn’t comfortable with. That’s a dick move.
How many young girls or even more cosmopolitan women have had their nurturing instincts, desire to be a “good girl” or the drive to prove “I’M NOT LIKE THAT” used against them in exploitive ways for the benefit of jerks who think they are owed ALL yet give the bare minimum?
You don’t OWE anyone your pu$$y because they bought you an ice cream. You don’t OWE anyone compromising photos that would lend an unsavory person to have power over you just because he opens the door for you. Any man, I mean ANY man that you’re dating or thinking about dating who does this should be dumped IMMEDIATELY. If “NO” is not good enough, then neither is he.
It also should be mentioned that you should never allow your past mistakes color your decision to give into a manipulative-do-nothing-expect-everything type of guy. You’re not a virgin? Doesn’t mean you OWE him sex. Carrying a few extra pounds? Doesn’t mean you should be GRATEFUL for his crumbs. Men like this prey on whatever insecurities you might have in order to exploit them and use you for their own gain. They are NOT good people, and thus NEVER good partners.
Amen to all this great advice. Keep your standards high. A man who is courting you should be good to you and vice versa. He doesn’t deserve cookies for being a decent human being.
Well written Chris!
I agree wholeheartedly with what you’ve written. If he isn’t your husband, you don’t ‘owe’ him anything. In all relationships, you don’t give more than you get and you never give anything that might cause you harm. Be a little self-absorbed, be preoccupied with your own emotions, interests and making the best of your situation on this planet.
I have experienced this once. I’m rarely in the casual dating universe. I was 30+ and a guy asked for skanky pictures of me after 1 date. It blew my mind because I am a professional, I work with KIDS, why would I put all the power in his hands to put my a** all over the internet?
I ended up sending the guy the most disgusting links I could find from random porn websites and craigslist free sex posts.
He said something like, “you are wasting my time, I can find that on my own– I want the real thing, baby”.
Ugh. Baby.
I replied something like, “you really hit the nail on the head with that text– I am the one wasting my time.” then I blocked and ghosted him. He didn’t deserve an explanation and I am not in the business of teaching men.
I saw him in a grocery store a few months later and he tried to talk to me, some crap about how we got off or ended on the wrong foot.
I was like, “Nah, man– we didn’t” and walked away.
My friends and I have taken to posting screenshots of those type of text messages on Facebook. The world is small and you never know who knows the jerk who’s been disrespecting you. I put their lewd and disrespectful butts on display.
When I was in my dating years, opening a door, or helping a girl on or off with her coat was considered de rigueur. I never thought I was owed something in return. I don’t know where a guy gets off expecting something for simply being a gentleman.
Don’t think that boys like that are gentleman. Spoiled, entitled, brats is more like it.
It is the perverse effect of the anti-feminist people. Now that we are all equals, men don’t HAVE to do that (it is not like they had to before but there was some tacit rule that they should) but some have decided that they would “monetize” this and therefore use it against women now. “Look, I am a nice guy, now you do [insert exponentially bigger thing] for me!” . I have no time for this type.
OT: Pregnant woman used as human shield by drug dealing career criminal boyfriend is killed by police. Let that sink in. He used his pregnant girlfriend as a shield and now she’s dead and he’s uninjured.
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_58d13b73e4b0ec9d29df60f2?
Such a beautiful young woman caught up with an ingrate crowd. Very sad story.
Yep, heard about this one the other day- DO NOT GET ME STARTED. You know how folks love to come in here talking sh*t. She was young and probably had ‘limited’ boyfriend options but frankly that whole particular lot of BW are thoroughly brain dead from my perspective, the only, and I mean the only thing that matters to them is the full acceptance of BM no matter the cost to them or others. Listen to his mother for instance who talks about an ‘investigation’ about the family’s criminality (like they have a RIGHT to be criminals) normal sh*t for them, not once does SHE mention the dead pregnant 21 year old. These folks are totally and completely useless and check the ‘protest’ nobody gives two fucks about THAT dead black girl!
This. These NBABM women go around talking about how much their sons are better than their daughters and they practically worship them to the point of borderline incest. This is the product of that upbringing. I remember telling someone close that I don’t want to have sons because no matter how well you raise them even with the father in the home, they belong to their peer group. Their friends decide what kind of human being they are going to be. I don’t see BLM advocating for this poor girl even once. Her mom couldn’t even make a statement without breaking down.
I just looked at the BLM page on Facebook. A whole lot of posts about
black trans people, but not one about these two young black female teenagers, or any others for that matter. smh….
Assuming the details the police are reporting are true, then, yeah, wow, that’s horrible. What kind of guy must he be to see his girlfriend as being so expendable?
Hmm. What kind [fill in the blank] must he be to see his girlfriend and unborn child as expendable?
Did you read about the young 15yr old who was gang raped on Facebook live ? About 40 people watched and not one called the cops smdh.
I was going to link that story and ask someone to talk about this. I found out about this story the same week I found out about the 15 yr old girl kidnapped, gang-raped on Facebook Live. Both victims have two things in common: they are both young, black girls and the perpetrators are black men. The black community needs to do right its daughters and sons.
Quick story, long before the internet. A guy I barely knew who thought he would be ‘dating’ me, sent me a naked photo of himself, ( when we still mailed stuff) all his business hanging out, anyway after I laughed my head off, I wrote him something on a sticky note it was crude and mailed the photo back to him. I guess you know I never heard from again. Some men are spectacularly stupid, it doesn’t mean a woman has to be as well.
LOL!! I had a guy who I THOUGHT I wanted to date–a black guy–flash his stuff at me while I was at work!!! (He worked there, too.) I was like oh my freaking god!! It’s almost like that’s all they got to offer, you know what I mean? And sorry, flashing it when it’s all flaccid is not gonna get me going! LOL Nor is flashing it at all! I’m more of a shoulders, strong back, puppy dog eyes kind of girl! (I hope i”m not offending Law W as he thinks we’re all sex crazed black women up in here!) 🙂 PS: I didn’t report the guy who flashed me because 1) I agreed to date him before the incident 2) Yes, we kissed and I didn’t want to draw attention to any of this. I know I was wrong. I was young. That dummy should’ve been fired. He eventually was for looking at porn, keeping it at his desk, too, and misusing the company credit card. Epilogue: I was standing with a bunch of black women when another black woman came up to us to break the news about this guy being fired. I LMFAO but then I was “corrected” by the black women and told that it was SAD that brotha lost a job and that it wasn’t funny. See how we black women are sometimes with these losers? Pathetic!! #imarriedawhiteman LOL!
He whipped it out at work?! Haha, sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, but that is out of control.
You mean you’re not all sex-crazed black women? Bummer. 😉
LOL. It’s a bit funny in hindsight! For future reference, that ain’t sexy!
Speaking of sex crazed black women, did you ever read the diaries of Christopher Columbus and his crew? There is a hilarious letter I saw from one of his men when they landed on the island of Hispaniola–an island full of dark-skinned naked native women. The letter is all “these women were awful! So completely naked and unashamed! Disgusting! They were starving for attention and sex so I had no choice but to abide!” LOL.
Your encounter with your coworker probably wasn’t very funny at the time. I must admit, there are some insane men out there.
And yes, I had heard that after he returned from the voyages of Columbus, Amerigo Vespucci (the dude the American continents are named for) published very salacious memoirs, which included tales of how sexually aggressive the native women of the New World were. Those memoirs were a big hit back in Europe!
LOL, I remember when you shared about that fool, again BW with the unquestioning, unwavering loyalty to simps. His ass getting fired is precisely what should have happened. Should have been fired for having the nerve to pull out his limp dick. How embarrassing for him- LOL! I mean some of these men, really? So for acting like a normal, fucking civilized human being you ought to be able to get nude photos and sex from a woman? What’s really sad in all of this is THAT IT WORKS AND WORKS so often. Don’t know who is actually more pathetic the men for making those demands or the women for giving him and the best part these MFer’s ain’t nobody’s husband. GAWD!
Remember yesterday’s incident? Well, here’s the look https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/41097d5c8ad9269feade92083fbe72af1ac6faf5d931aa312a0eb0b32c4d96a4.jpg that got me all that love & attention LOL!
LOL. It’s very cute on you! Some white folks are just dying to touch and I really can’t blame them. It’s different than any other hair on Earth.
It’s grown so much the past two years, I mean I’ve got it ‘packed’ tight. I did a blow dry a week ago? It’s almost not quite at the shoulder.
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/813a35e661db6476447733e71e6e4c1939310a5ba59ec4d586658da81e9082a6.jpg
Here you go, Trini!
LOL I love it.
that reminds me a little of RAPUNZEL..
Yes! this is cute! 🙂
Some people would be surprised to learn that many bw haven’t had a sexual relationship in years. And, it is not because they couldn’t have a relationship. Some of us just give up when we have had a bad relationship.
“How many young girls or even more
cosmopolitan women have had their nurturing instincts, desire to be a
“good girl” or the drive to prove “I’M NOT LIKE THAT” used against them
in exploitive ways for the benefit of jerks who think they are owed ALL
yet give the bare minimum?”
Yep. That right there. I’ve seen guys do that a lot over the years. My second wife told me one of the things she appreciated was that I never did that kind of mess.
I agree with this 100%. Women should not have to give up their dignity because some men are self-entitled pricks.
Your dignity is not negotiable.
Sincerely,
Michael F.
Agree, agree, agree
If I didn’t open a door for a lady growing up I got clip round the back of my head. People with no class and values , don’t ever lower your standards ladies never.
Men are so funny with this. They whip out the D like no one else is walking around with one. My friend who is online dating got multiples private pics as INTROS.
Yes, as if that is the only thing a woman wants out of life.
Great advice. You don’t OWE anyone your [fill in the blank space e.g. time/body/mind/etc] because they bought you… anything.
Yes, don’t fall for it. He’s being nice in order to gain control over you.
That’s the ANTITHESIS of being nice.
Sincerely,
Michael F.