” I would like to know what started you on your journey to date black women and what you like about black women?”
Once upon a time a white guy woke up one morning, got out of bed, looked in the mirror and said,
“I’m gonna start dating Black Women today.”
And he Swirled happily ever after.
Yeah, I really don’t think so. There’s gotta be more to the tale than that.
So this yin and yang, chocolate and vanilla, mocha and cream Swirlin’ thing…why do we find this so fascinating? Why do we go on and on about this the way we do? What’s so special about 2 people who care for each other?
Today we shall delve into the mystery that is known as “The Swirl”.
Now, originally we were gonna be joined by the widely recognized foremost authority in the whole damn world on this topic but I couldn’t get her to show up so it looks like you’re stuck with me. Sorry, but them’s the breaks Little Lady. Them’s the breaks.
So lets rewind this train wreck that is known as the life of Savage Tango and take a deeper, closer look in order to shed some light on your question. I reckon about 40 years or so will do. God, I hate when I make myself feel old like that. Like I’m some kind of Old Dirtyman, ya know what I’m sayin?
There was this kid growing up in cattle ranching, pickup truck driving, cowboy country in the High Desert of Eastern Oregon. You know that place they sing about in songs around a lonely old campfire at night…
“Give me a home where the white people roam and the cowboys drink beer every day. And seldom is heard a hip hoppin’ word cuz them black folk are hundreds of miles away.”
Yeah, something like that, close enough. That was me. I was that kid. It was Wonder bread white out there and it was all I had ever seen and all I knew. Until one Saturday morning I was flipping through channels looking for Scooby Doo and my eyes took in a beauty that I had never before known. An angel who entranced me. She intrigued me. She reached deep down into my very soul, grabbed something I didn’t know was even there and has yet to relinquish her grip upon me these many years later.
Yeah, I’m talking Valerie from “Josie And The Pussycats”. You know, the tambourine playing black chick? Just kinda standing there in her cheetah print outfit and 70’s fro? Yeah, her.
Who was this brown girl who awakened such feelings in this young white boy? What was this spell she cast upon him? Who the hell cares? I liked the way she made me feel when I looked at her!
So yeah, most guys my age had their first TV crush on Marsha Brady, Ginger, Mary Ann or Jeannie. Mine was some cartoon black chick. Heh heh…no one saw that one coming!
So the seeds of Swirling were planted but there was no water to cause them to spring forth and blossom. Hell, looking back, that was gonna be one long ass drought.
So blah blah blah, you know, kid grows up, moves to the big city of Seattle, goes to school and works part time. I was pretty much focused on getting my name out there as a freelance cameraman. I liked sports. I liked watching sports. I liked watching sports through a camera and getting paid to do it. It’s a unique lifestyle that requires sacrifices you don’t always know you gotta make. For me it was dating. I didn’t really put much effort into it, I just kinda went with whatever came along. Freelance work can do that to ya. You definitely don’t work a conventional Monday thru Friday 9 to 5 schedule.
Eventually I met this chick who grew up on a ranch on Montana, connected and went to Las Vegas a single man and came back a married man.
And yeah, she was white! Duh!! I just told you she was raised on a ranch in Montana. It was almost like incest getting her and I together.
Hey, quit looking at me like that. I said ALMOST.
So fast forward a few years and my job transfers me to the great city of Houston Texas. I was a happily married, loyal and faithful husband…but my black female co-workers looked good. I mean, like…they REALLY looked good! One of them was a US Olympian in the 88 Olympics. She got 5th in the 800m run. Now see, I was married but that doesn’t mean every single woman in the world suddenly became pig ass ugly overnight. They were still attractive, but ya just kept that stuff to yourself and don’t act on it out of respect for your spouse and your marriage.
Unless you’re swingers, but that wasn’t the question I got asked this week. Maybe next week I’ll get to that one.
So fast forward a few years later and my wife heard the call of Montana bidding her homeward. But not me. I liked Houston. Houston, like…totally rocks and Montana, like…totally sucks.
Devoted husband that I was, we dropped everything and moved back to her ranch and built a house on the Fairfield Bench overlooking the Sun River Valley. Sounds nice talking about it, looks nice in pictures but until you have tasted the hatred of Mother Nature at 40 below 0, you know nothing about the suffering I endured.
So one thing led to another, we parted ways on decent enough terms as we simply didn’t want the same things in life anymore and she stayed in Montana and I hightailed it back to The Lone Star State! God bless Texas! Yippee-ki yay.
So, there I was, newly divorced, and ready to start anew. Well, sort of. I got my old job back cuz I made damn sure I didn’t burn that bridge when I left. I came right back and picked up where I left off…which was basically lusting after my Black Female co workers. But this time? This blessed time? This blessed beautiful time they were NOT off limits! Woo hoo!! 30 years later and I am finally on The Valerie Express!
First order of business, get friendly with Ms. 88 Olympics. That was a nice post divorce gift to myself and my first true swirling experience. Hey, why not start right at the top? I waited 30 damn years for this and I got me some catching up to do! Besides, get 3 more of her friends together and I got my own relay team passing me around like a baton. LOL.
So post divorced dude that I was, I simply didn’t feel it realistic to jump right back into another long term committed relationship. Hell, I’d been married for 13 years, I waited 30 years to Swirl, I owe it to myself to unleash my inner Charlie Sheen Swirling Machine.
And here I am today. Yeah, I see ya giving me that side eye crap. I ain’t gonna apologize for that comment up above. Ain’t gonna happen. Not now not ever. No way.
But yeah, I became a decent, moral and scrupulous citizen in due time. At least my parole officer thinks so 😉 (Joke)
I Swirl exclusively. It how I roll, baby. In fact, I am so far down with “The Swirl” I don’t remember the last time I came back up for anything else.
Now see, you tried to put one past me and ask 2 questions. Don’t think I didn’t notice that. You owe me now. You owe me big time. How about dinner next Saturday night? I know this intimate place called “The Melting Pot”. It is a dining experience you won’t forget anytime soon 😉
Now, your second bonus question, what do I like about Black Women?
That’s the real puzzler now ain’t it? Now see, some people take the “We’re all human beings” approach or “She’s not a Black Woman, she’s a Woman who happens to be Black.”
Well that guy ain’t me. Screw that guy.
I like you BECAUSE you are Black. I am drawn to you BECAUSE you are Black. I find you insanely attractive BECAUSE you are Black. I don’t go for that feel good kum-bah-yah politically correct stuff.
Now you Ladies, you Lovely Black Ladies with your special God Given Grace about you…listen to what I’m saying here. I’m telling ya point blank, straight up. Men do indeed find you attractive. White men particularly find you attractive in your Yin to his Yang kinda way. You have a charm, style, flair and charisma about you that is unique among the Women of this world. I see it, I sense it, and I answer to it.
Your silky smooth, creamy ebony skin is not something to look past in a vain attempt to claim I am color blind, for I am not! I like the way your skin contrasts with mine. I like the way we compliment each other as we enter the room together. I like the way we are truly unique together and manage to merge our outward visual differences into one beautifully blended vision of Swirling glory.
I like the way you make me feel complete as a man with a Lovely Black Lady by my side.
And finally, cuz this is starting to sound like a damn Hallmark card…
So there ya have it, straight from some Swirling white guy. Hope that’s what ya wanted cuz that’s what ya got.
But ya know what the cool thing is here?
No two paths to “Swirldom” are the same. No two roads run parallel to one another. No two journeys are identical. Its birth, growth, and final realization are truly as unique as those who choose it. It takes many forms and expressions, yet it is considered as one single entity. And that, my friends, is the beauty of The Swirl.