Gender Conflict

Black Doctor Wants You To Know: “There are Good Black Men Out There.”

I got this letter from a man this morning, and while I realize that this man is attempting to guilt and shame me into doing this, but I’m going to allow it. Why? Because men like this, who live in a bubble, who think their ideals, drive and values mirror the entire community, need a wake up call. They need to REALLY hear it from you all, how things REALLY are. So here is his letter, and below is my response. I have invited him to observe. We shall see how this goes. Let’s all try to be respectful.



I recently happened to come across your article regarding Kanye West, Kim K, and Amber Rose… While I understand the point of the article, I will say that I find most reports of black men that over-value white women and de-value black women to be one sided and unbalanced. In this regard, very few people take the time to write an article highlighting the successful black men who place high a value on black women and love and respect them.

For example, you mentioned the “unicorn” in your article. Well, I am a graduate of Johns Hopkins School of Medicine with two doctorates (an MD and a PhD) and I am happily married to a beautiful black woman with two beautiful children. Now before you think that this email is self serving, I can tell you about another African American gentleman, who also graduated from Johns Hopkins with an MD and a PhD, who is a neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins, married to a beautiful African American woman with one son. And I could give you two more highly accomplished gentlemen with dual doctorates who fit the some mold.

But even now, as you read this, I highly doubt that you will amend your article or write a follow up article to highlight these individuals, and that’s a shame. It’s a shame because girls and women of color need to know that there are black men out there, who will value them, and be faithful to them, and love them. It’s an important message, one that I think about often when I see how misogynistic our young black men have become, and how little they value our women.

So, now that I have provided you four examples of the “unicorn”,  all happily married to women of color, what do you , with your platform, plan to do with that information?

Have a wonderful day!

Robert [withheld] M.D.,Ph.D.
Resident physician
Internal Medicine


Charming young african american man smiling

Yes, Robert. We know there are good black men out there. But…not enough.


Thanks for your note, Robert.

First, I want to congratulate you on your accomplishments, your marriage, and that of your friends. 
I’m going to run your letter tonight, along with my response. And then I want to you sit back and really LISTEN to the responses you will get from the black women who tell their stories. But I want you to be prepared for some hard truths.
Black men of your caliber are few and far between. I’m glad for your wife that she married and built a life with such a man, but let’s not pretend that you and your friends are typical. I wish you were. I really do. But the fact remains that only 43% of black men marry, and of that percentage, 24% marry interracially. Marriageable women outnumber marriageable black men by the millions. We have legions of children growing up in single parent homes that have never seen ANYONE married. This is just the reality. To point out the few exceptions and tell black women, “SEE! There’s 12 good black men out there! Go get them!!” is doing them a disservice. Black men of your caliber often have Herculean expectations of black women, just even to be considered as more than a one-night stand, let alone a wife. Again, I wish this were not true. But I’m tired of getting the letters from hundreds of quality black women who get passed over EVERY DAY by “IBM’s” who are holding out for something better. They shouldn’t have to waste the best years of their reproductive lives pining for a man that more than likely, will not come.
So instead of attempting to guilt me into keeping hope of “black love” alive, encourage your brothers to do right by their women. Because if there’s legions of “good brothers,” then there’s twice as many “good sisters.” 
The End.
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