Before the New York Post wrote about Jacque Reid’s reversal of her decision to participate in my coaching, I was often the running joke of online media in the so-called “black space.” First they mocked me. Then they ignored me. But then, the New York Post comes along and validates and reports a position I have taken from DAY ONE–interracial dating isn’t about exclusion, but inclusion; and choose character above color–and now it seems previous outlets who viewed me as hell’s handmaiden for white supremacy are beginning to soften their position.
And for this, I’m glad. I’m feeling like there’s a general trend…a softening of attitude and an attempt at FINALLY seeing some empathy for successful women withering on the vine while they wait and wait and wait for their Black Prince Charming to arrive, while shunning every other race of man. I did a video narrative about this way back in the day. Time to dust it off.
I think people have largely been in denial about the harsh pressure and social consequences imposed on black women when they decide to cast a wide net. It’s natural for us to seek the approval of others, and it makes it just that more difficult if we don’t sense that the people most important to us don’t and won’t support our decision to find happiness with men of other races. Some of us feel like we need permission, which is why was really happy to hear Wendy Williams talk about how she admired how Serena Williams has been open about her desire to marry, and her openness to entertain men of all races.
Back to Jacque, I really admired what Clutch had to say about this whole event…
Christelyn Karazin, 41, who co-authors the book Swirling:How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed and serves as brand ambassador for InterracialDatingCentral.com. was looking forward to working with Reid. She understands the pressures that come with dating outside your race, she happens to be married to a white man with whom she has three kids, and her decision has exposed her to hurtful criticism. Most of the push back comes from Black men even though they are known to notoriously date women of other races. “Black men date or marry interracially at more than double the level women do”. “They are given a pass. They can date anyone they want to – Black women, white women”
Karazin explains that she wanted to use Reid to prove that women of her caliber can have healthy options when it comes to dating. Black women tend to be hesitant about dating interracially not just because of the backlash, but also the sense of loyalty they have for their men. But ultimately this mentality is crippling and significantly reduces their chances of finding love, which might be the reason why so many remain single. Reid most likely didn’t feel comfortable with concept of dating outside her race for fear of what people might say or how it would affect her public persona.
But Karazin thinks its time for Black women to step outside their boundaries and stop allowing race to limit their choices. Black men are 50 percent less likely to graduate from high school or attend college when compared to Black women. Not to mention that the rate of incarceration is more than double for Black men than it is for their white counterparts.
These statistics make it clear that black women need to be open to the idea of settling down with a guy who meets their needs – regardless of color. It may be cliché to think this – but love has been known to break through barriers.
Hopefully Jacque Reid will re-consider her decision and give it another try.
This is a far cry from the reception Jacque Reid got from the peanut gallery on the Tom Joyner Morning Show, who’s hosts openly mocked her. This has been the typical reaction from black men to which I am referring.
The web site, Young, Black and Fabulous also weighed in…
Her situation with InterracialDatingCentral.com was going to be a BIG to-do. The website sent out a press release saying,
“The popular interracial dating website is now announcing that it is searching for eligible New York City bachelors, ages 35 to 45 to submit pictures, a bio, a contact telephone number, and a brief description explaining why they would like to be considered for a date with the beautiful and talented Jacque Reid. “
Sounds fun right? Imagine having hundreds, maybe thousands of eligible bachelors in New York City vying for your attention. What single gal would turn down that attention? Well….Jacque, who has only dated outside of her race once, was on board – at first. But, she backed out of the planned searched shortly after the press release went out. Why?
InterracialDatingCentral’s Brand Ambassador, Christelyn Karazin might have an answer. During a candid chat with the NY Post, Christelyn offered the observation that Jacque back out because it’s taboo for Black women to date outside of their race…and she suggested Jacque bought into that.
She added, “Black men date or marry interracially at more than double the level women do. They are given a pass. They can date anyone they want to — black women, white women.”
One thing’s clear….Christelyn does not subscribe to that belief. She’s gone on record saying, “This isn’t about exclusion, it’s about inclusion. What you’ve been doing almost your entire dating life is excluding. Just because you date or marry a white man doesn’t mean you’re not black anymore. You still have your black card.”
Hmmm….food for thought. For the record, Jacque Reid’s official reason for backing out of the deal was that she got “busy” with work. That’s completely possible. But it may just be a piece of the story.
But it’s kind of…well…interesting that it took the initial NY Post article, which is largely approving of black women expanding their options, was the catalyst for this attitude change. Jacque Reid ended up being a martyr for the cause of black women finding love in all races without recrimination, and I can tell you, neither I or Jacque ever thought that would be the outcome.
Of course, these media outlets aren’t privy to the whole story, because I gave a thorough explanation and background details in our PRIVATE AND PROTECTED forum. You have to register to see it here.