Something I’ve been working on is my level of mental and emotional boldness. I don’t mean being brash or careless, but bold. To be bold and be a black woman can be a difficult matter. You have to balance your self-validation with a conscious acknowledgement that who you are and what you believe isn’t going to gel with everyone else. Despite this, you have to be prepared to keep moving onward and upward.
Erecting iron-clad boundaries may seem counterintuitive when talking about boldness. However if there’s anything people feel comfortable with, it’s violating the personal, mental, and emotional spaces of black women. Therefore, recognize that a bold black woman has boundaries that she demands others respect and that she herself respects.
A bold black woman will tell someone point blank that a subject is none of the asker’s business, especially if she doesn’t even know that person very well. Despite a lack of person interaction, you’d be amazed how entitled some people feel to comment on or be informed about your life. Or to try and control and limit you. A series of boundaries that YOU control allows you to know who you want in your life and who you don’t and how you go about interacting with others.
The most important thing is how you react when a key boundary is violated. Non-bold black women make exceptions and rationalize away the gross invasion. They may allow themselves to think they’re being too critical or it’s okay because the violator “loves me”.
People who love and respect you do not casually violate your boundaries. Letting people trample over you out of love is not the key to happiness; it’s the key to being covered in footprints. Remember that deciding to take full control of your mental, emotional, and physical space will upset people. But you have to be bold enough to stand firm and own your spaces.
I don’t mean just say something edgy for the sake of appearing cool or to troll people. I’m saying that when you are a bold black woman, odds are you are going to buck trends and be on the wrong side of what other people think a black woman is supposed to be. You’re going to controversial, which if you’re the mild mannered, peace-loving type can be very scary. Guess what? Some of the most controversial people in history were also some of the nicest, non-troublesome individuals you ever wanted to meet. Being controversial isn’t about being mean or evil. It just means you hold opinions or have a pattern of behaviors that people feel the need to argue with you about.
A bold black woman is simply standing by her beliefs and so she has no need for disclaimers. She knows being who she is will piss others off no matter how nicely she tries to phrase her thoughts. “I am sorry” is saved for when she has done something truly wrong; apologies are not handed out for being what simply comes naturally.
Defend your point of view and don’t let anyone try and rewrite who you are in order to make them feel more comfortable around you. Anyone that has to tear you down or take away a part of you in order to tolerate you is a waste of a connection and should be removed from your life immediately.
If you haven’t done this at least once in your life, I don’t know what’s wrong with you.
Go do it.
Seriously, get up and go do it right now. Yes, you can substitute other music.
I’ll be here when you get back. o/
*Plays solitaire for a few minutes*
The point of that little exercise is being unafraid to walk around like you are the bee’s knees. Because I’m willing to bet that you are. ;D
And indeed, if it’s anyone that has a memorable walk, it’s a bold black woman. You will know her when you see her because you can practically hear her personalized theme music as she sashays down the street as if she owns it. As she passes you can feel the waves of self-confidence and acceptance coming off her and tell that she is utterly pleased as punch with all that she is.
Getting to that point takes work. It takes a willingness to invest in your self-worth and allow yourself to be built up. Some might mistakenly think I’m saying, “walk around like a big-headed jerk”. I don’t know why, but that’s frequently a misinterpretation. Especially when people don’t want black women to be happy with themselves.
A bold black women simply holds up one finger to such persons on way by; she doesn’t have time to waste words on the small-minded and the spiteful.
Being bold doesn’t mean being perfect.
Or a perennially classy lady (did you see that last part?).
Most importantly, it doesn’t mean pretending to be someone you’re not just to fit someone else’s idea of who you ought to be.
It just means having the guts to stick to your guns, own who you are to the best of your ability and believe that the somebody you want to be is something to be proud of.