Question of the Week

Help! This QOTW Has Me Stumped!!


Because of the sensitive nature of this writer’s situation, I feel like I need to not be quick to offer platitudes about how “every foot has a shoe,” or “there’s someone for everyone.” Of course that’s true, and everyone is deserving of love. But I sense that this writer has heard all these phrases before, and is looking for some honest advice from a supportive community. Because I have never had a physical disability, nor have I ever been exposed to anyone with any, I think anything I say in this regard would be out of school.So I’m going to sit back on this one and let you pros have at it. I’d especially like to hear from readers who have disabilities.

Hi Christelyn,
I’ve been a loyal reader of your blog since 2010. I used to post, but due to reasons I’ll explain later, I’ve been relegated to lurker status. So here’s my situation, and I’ll be extremely surprised if you’ve ever heard anything like it.
First, I’m a twenty-five year old college student who’s taken the scenic route through university. I’m still in pursuit of my Bachelor’s degree with a focus on Communications. I’ve always been attracted to white men since I can remember. I actually have a vivid memory of realizing I like white guys when I was only four.
My situation is unique in that not only am I one of a few black women I know who is attracted to white men, but I also have a disability. I’m visually impaired and have been for most of my life. I’ll spare you the details and the sob story, but suffice it to say many people forget that those of us with disabilities have the same wants, needs and desires as those without.
I have only recently been introduced to the wonderful feminine world of makeup, and I have yet to try my hand at it solo for fear of looking like an escaped clown. I bring this up because I’ve heard time and again that men are visual creatures. I feel I lack the ability to draw the ones I’m attracted to because I don’t physically appeal to them. On top of not wearing makeup, I have adult acne to contend with, which doesn’t make my plight any easier.
I know you aren’t a psychologist, despite all the awesome advice you give out weekly, but is it even possible for a woman in my position to attract a quality man? Again, I only ask because I want a different perspective and from someone who doesn’t know me personally.
Of course I realize that there is way more involved with attraction than looks, but isn’t that the first point of contact? I’ve been told that I might only appeal to other blind men, and while the optimistic part of me wants to deny it, I’m starting to believe it might be true.
I’ve been trying to build my self confidence, but unfortunately I still live at home where the atmosphere is toxic and not conducive to bettering oneself. Essentially, I live in a little annex of Blackistan.
I really appreciate your time in reading this. I’ll post from Facebook so you’ll know I’m not a troll or some creeper trying to play a really weird and cruel joke. Even if you don’t have any advice for me, I want you to know that I’ve learned so much from your blog. I appreciate all the hard work you do as well as all the men and women who are an integral part of BB&W. I’m sure you already know this, but you’re making a positive change in many people’s lives, even those of us who can’t see you. Thanks for being so awesome.

All the best,



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