Meet Rachel Khona, a very interesting Indian woman who’s willing to dish the skinny on her culture, and share her thoughts and research on â€œSolo Sex: Is This the Key to the Female Orgasm?â€
My, my, my.
We talk a lot about swirling an interculture, but always from a male perspective. That combined with her thoughts on masturbation makes it a BB&W must-see/read.
Rachel, please explain why sex talk is so taboo in the Indian culture.
Supposedly it wasnâ€™t until the Victorian Era when the British morals influenced Indian culture. After all it was India where that Kama Sutra was invented. Sex is depicted all over Hindu temples. As far as today, youâ€™re expected to remain a virgin until you get married. Youâ€™re not really even supposed to date. As a teen if I even looked at a boy or vice versa, my parents would flip out. When I was a teenager, there was another Indian girl who was actually allowed to date and all the other parents branded her a slut. I suppose theyâ€™re worried about all the typical things, pregnancy, STDs, etc. But thereâ€™s also the added factor of being stigmatized. Indian society looks down on any woman who has been with â€œtoo manyâ€ men. Itâ€™s a viewpoint I find ridiculous. As if a womanâ€™s worth is solely dependent on her sexuality.
How does this translate to the American experience?
It doesnâ€™t! My parents and I were always battling. I was pretty typically American. I liked the same things everyone else did. I liked cheerleading and rock music and boys. It was like putting a cat in a room full of mice and saying donâ€™t eat them. And I didnâ€™t understand their point of view. I thought it was ridiculous and nonsensical. My mom followed all the â€œrulesâ€ her parents set for her and she wasnâ€™t happy. There were countless affairs in my family, in fact my parents met because my fatherâ€™s brother and momâ€™s cousin were having an affair. They set my mom and dad up. Then there are all the fucked up things that happened, like one of my grandmotherâ€™s sisters being dumped at her own wedding. She met the groom for the first time at her wedding and he decided he didnâ€™t think she was pretty enough and ended it. And I was wrong for liking a boy and vice versa, yet all these messed up things happen in India all the time like its normal. And usually itâ€™s the woman being degraded and another woman doing the subjugating. So I wasnâ€™t interested in anyoneâ€™s B.S. rules.
Why should women embrace masturbation? What good does it do for them?
Well first off thereâ€™s health benefits. It relieves tension and pain and it boosts your mood with endorphins. But it also helps you get to know your body better and feel more comfortable with your sexuality. Itâ€™s socially acceptable for men to jerk off. Most men start doing so at a young age. But for women not so much. I think masturbation allows you to be in control of your sexuality. You learn what gives you pleasure and what doesnâ€™t. If you donâ€™t know what make you tick, how are you going to direct him? Sex isnâ€™t just about the guy getting off. There are so many women who havenâ€™t even had an orgasm! A little masturbation would solve that.
How soon should young girls be introduced to it? How do you empower young girls to embrace and take control of they own sexual experiences?
I think thatâ€™s something each parent needs to decide for themselves. I think itâ€™s a birds and bees kind of talk. I donâ€™t think you have to hand a young girl a vibrator or tell her how to do it, just let her know masturbation is OK and normal.
Hailing from a magical land called New Jersey, Rachel is a writer and performer living somewhere in the 5th dimension.
In addition to serving as contributing editor for Vaga, she has written for Cosmopolitan, Inked, Treats, Richardson, Your Tango, and Ask Men and been consulted for her dating knowledge, (though she still knows next to nothing about men), for How About We, Broadminded show and Los Originales. She has performed at the Word Bookstore, Inner Monologues, Standard Issues, and Speakeasy Stories. In her spare time, she likes sliding down rainbows, red wine, Axl Rose, and chasing imaginary squirrels.