By JC “Racy JC” Davies, author of “I Got the Fever: What’s Race Got to Do With It?”
A new book—Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing, Culture and Creed—is coming May 15 (but is available for preorder now). The book is for black women who are considering trying something—or someone—new. You know what Racy JC is talking about: interracial dating! Swirling is co-authored by Christelyn Karazin, the effervescent, tell-it-like-it is host of the popular blog www.beyondblackwhite.com. I snagged an advanced copy (Booyah!) and read it over the weekend.
You might say that black women dating outside their race isn’t a new topic. For sure, magazines and blogs have generated a lot of noise the last couple years. But the numbers show that a lot of sisters are still sitting on the sidelines. The Swirling girls have an answer for those held back by fear: “Feel like you need permission to swirl? You got it.” It may seem silly, but sometimes permission goes a long way when you are trying to kick social change into a higher gear.
Here is some of the advice in Swirling I really like:
- “Dating is a journey; not the destination.” Yeah! Preachin’ to the choir on that one, sistahs. Just last week in Florida this brother was bending my ear about how he had given up dating black women because, in his words, “you go out with them on one date and they want to get married.” But the women of Swirling know better. I know dating can seem like a chore, but check your attitude. The truth is, your date may not be the guy you end up with in the long run. You may wind up with his brother or cousin or friend. It never hurts to know more people. More friends create more opportunities for anything, including love.
- Get off your butt and out the house. These are my words, not theirs, but they’re essentially what the women of Swirling advice in their “52 Ways to Find a Date.” Loves it! I can’t tell you the number of people who write me and say, “I need to find someone. Can you recommend a good interracial dating site?” I always say the same thing: Get out the house! People complain that they never have “enough time” to date and then spend 100 hours filling out 1,000 personality questions or tweaking their profile. And that doesn’t take time? The Swirling girls acknowledge the Internet scene, but give you another 51 creative places to meet someone—from getting a tattoo (you heard them) to trolling the Apple store (get your geek on). The Swirling girls serve up a lot of fresh ideas in this section.
- You should recognize “when a nonblack fellah is showing he is interested.” As some of you know, brothers are not what one would call shy. They have no problem coming right out and telling you that they are interested, but as the Swirling girls point out, men of other cultures might not. The girls also note that you might unintentionally leave the nonblack guy off your list. You know—that 20-page chiseled-in-stone check list that all women (regardless of race) seem to have created immediately after the doctor smacked them on the butt? When you decide that you are going to date a very specific type of man, you often overlook others (even if they are staring you right in the face or flirting their asses off). You may not realize it, but race—subconsciously or otherwise—is often part of the list. The Swirling girls suggest that a good edit may be in order. (I know it’s in stone. You will just have to change it, Flintstone style.)
And even after my own 20-plus years of interracial dating, four years of full-time research, and writing a book on the topic, there were things in Swirling that I hadn’t heard before. For example, did you know that Swedish men typically do not make the first move? Who knew there was such a Western culture? (I will definitely check out that Viking smorgasbord the next time I am in Sweden.)
Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing, Culture and Creed, like most dating books, is written for women. But a lot of men told me they read my book (which is also written for women). If you are a nonblack man who is interested in black women—you want to know how best to flirt or just get a little knowledge about the black experience—this book many have a lot of useful information for you. Duh, right?
Congrats to Christelyn. Best of luck with the book! If you haven’t already, please check her out at www.beyondblackwhite.com.