Written by Penelope Farthing
Legendary singer Mary J. Blige has recently taken on a “No Kendu” attitude (get it?!) when it comes to dating men who make less than her. Her relationship with ex-husband Martin “Kendu” Isaacs ended in divorce, which cost her $30,000 per month in temporary spousal support, millions in debt, and the pain of knowing that her partner allegedly used her money to spend on his sidepiece.
And to Miss Mary J., we all applaud you!
There are too many women in every tax bracket, from projects to penthouse, taking care of grown, able-bodied men. This mentality needs to stop. Building a man rarely, if ever, works in our favor, and the more black women who realize this, the better off we collectively will be.
You might think that Mary, who turned 48 last month, took far too long to learn such a valuable lesson. And while that is partly true, her situation should be contextualized. Do remember that Mary endured horrors like molestation and sexual harassment in her youth, and turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with the pain. It was therefore unlikely she placed much value on vetting men and focused on her survival instead. In any case, she knows now and can use this difficult but valuable lesson when her prospective next beau is courting her.
Another good lesson to take from this situation: don’t marry your manager/employee. More often than not these relationships are tumultuous. Avoid the heartbreak by keeping work and relationships separate. See, Wendy Williams, Mo’Nique, Brittney Spears etc.
Even though this was a pricy lesson to learn, it’s better late than never. Mary J. looks great for her age, and is talented, and successful, and deserves to find happiness with a man who won’t use her. May we all learn from Mary’s new lease on mate selection and no longer partake in the Build-a-Bae workshop!