Question of the Week

Online Dating: “Anyone But a Black Woman?”

Online dating companies that allow you to tick the boxes of your racial preferences often leave black women with the short end of the stick. For a variety of reasons we’ve discussed in the past, there’s often a hesitancy to list us as a preference, and we’re often filtered out. But more often than not, a guy of any race sees an attractive woman, all the preference stuff flies out of the window.

The Question:

I recently moved to a new city, and for the first time joined a dating site (match). Match allows you to state the ethnicity of the person you’re interested in. I skipped that part but most people don’t.

Which brings me to my question. Is it odd that many white guys on this site have no problem saying they are looking for anything but black? Of course, it isn’t exactly said in that way. The profiles will have Asian, Hispanic, Indian, white/caucasian etc on the “ethnicity” section, but no black/African descent. Sometimes those same guys are the ones who message me. I find that weird because I don’t want to be anyone’s “experiment.” Also, when I do overlook their racial preference and message others who likewise didn’t mark down black/African, I get crickets lol.

What gives? I know you’re busy and probably get bombarded with numerous emails but I’m curious and eager to hear your thoughts on this!

Thanks so much.


Here’s my take.

Both men and women don’t really know what they want until they see it. Relationship expert, Matthew Hussey agrees. “People are much fussier online that they’re not in real life. Online dating makes us very different in our choosing process. And of course, other people do the same. So people you may be right for don’t select you because of something they see or read…in real life they might actually like you.” He goes on to describe online dating as “being in the worst bar and the best bar at the same time.” And ultimately if you want to do it, you have to develop a thick skin.

Check out more Matthew Hussey here.

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