Black Women's Improvement Project (BWIP)

‘Promoter Gal,’ Con’t; BQB Gives Insight Into Her Thinking

Regarding my friend that could have her own mini-series, it’s probably a
good thing I did move away, because I would have gone over to her apartment
and just beat her with a baseball bat if I lived there still. MAN! I was so
pissed when she told me she was going to break up with that guy, and then,
when she told me why she was going to break up with him.

I asked, “Well, do you feel like he is trying to diminish you, trying to
make you feel stupid, trying to make you feel small?”

“No, no, no, nothing like that at all. He always protects me in
conversations, especially if someone acted surprised that I didn’t know
something. No, he never made me feel bad, in public or private. No, I just
feel so stupid around him, like an idiot.”

“Well, c’mon, you know you’re not an idiot, but I know that you also know
that he is smarter than you, so why does that bother you so much? Are you
telling me you want to go out with a stupid guy? I mean, what exactly is
the problem here?”

“The problem is I don’t want to feel like an idiot 24/7, and that’s what I
feel like.”

“And everything else is perfectly fine, you’re not holding out on anything
here? His friends, his family, the sex, the way he treats you?

“Yes. I told you, everything else is good. Really good. His parents love
me, his brother loves me, the sex is the best I’ve ever had, he treats me
great, he makes a lot of money, he really loves me, I really love him, you
know all this. I’m just tired of feeling like a retard when we’re talking
or with his friends. I can’t stand it! I am not stupid.”

(Quickly) “I think you are stupid. You are stupid if you’re going to throw
away a guy like that just because of the insecurities you have about your
own intellect, and there is nothing he is doing to stoke those
insecurities, AND, he treats you like a treasure in every way. That’s
stupid. It’s stupid, I;m sorry, but that’s really dumb.”

“YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND! It’s easy for you to say, just get over it,
because you are a super brain, but I’ve lived my whole life feeling like
everyone was smarter than me, and I’m not signing up to live the rest of my
life feeling like that every hour of every day just because my husband is
super smart.”

(Pause) “Have you two been talking about getting married?”


“Did he ask you”?

“No, but he wants to, I can tell. So, now is the time to end this, before
he gets his feelings hurt, or, before I can’t say no.”

(Pause, then a sigh) “Jesus, I can’t believe you’re going to just walk away
from the best thing you ever had, and maybe the best thing you ever will
have, just because of your own problem with feeling inadequate. You know,
he makes enough money so that you could get married, and you can go to
therapy every week for the next 10 years until you get over this feeling of
not being smart enough. Not just around him, but in general. You know that,
don’t you?”

“There’s no need to be sarcastic.You know something, I have to go. I’ll
talk to you later.”

So, the call ended, she broke up with the guy, and the next time I talked
to her, she was “deeply in love” with the so-called promoter in DC. He was
her soulmate, the man she had been destined to meet her whole life.

Uh-huh. He took her for quite a joyride. And despite this, she says she
still wants to get back together with him, but only if “he promises not to
cheat on her”.

I know, you’re thinking, “Maybe this chick really isn’t too smart”. Well,
she isn’t. I love her dearly, but she is not only not too bright, she is
very trusting. Whether it’s the guy she dumped, or someone like that, she
needs a man in her life to look out for her and protect her, not one that
will deceive her and take advantage of her good nature. She is beautiful,
sometimes stunning, and she needs to leverage that and her wonderful
personality to get a good mate, and all I can do is hope that a good mate
for her will show up again soon in her life.

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