Question of the Week

QOTW: Guy’s First Serious IRR, But Wonders Why His Girl is Pulling Away…

Here’s the letter:

Hi my name is Christopher im 28 years old from Miami florida now living in Detroit michigan. I have watched your videos on the subject of white guys dating black women and find somethings helpful. I have a few questions of my own is why I even searched for something like this. Im currently seeing and dating a black woman so first off ill tell you a little bit about us and whats been going on in the month and half we have talking. Well I was a security guard at an apartment complex and she came in to visit her cousin well when I first saw her I thought she was most beautiful woman I ever seen. Now first she has never dated white guy and Ive only dated one other black woman and she was half black half white. My mom on the other hand I have never seen her date a white guy my mom is currently married to a black man and I have been raised in predominant black areas and schools so its nothing totally new to me but at same time it is. I don’t really have a problem with comfortability or the dating part per say cause I don’t even think of the black and white thing I just see her and her beauty and the awesome individual she is. So anyways when I noticed which apartment she was visiting I realized that her cousin is the girlfriend of one of my friends so when I seen him I asked him about her. So probably a month goes by I see her a couple times and we speak and finally I ask him about her again and he says he told her about me and she said if I wanted the number then he could give it to me so I said heck yes haha. So immediately I call her while on my shift and we must have talked for a few hours and then went to texting after got off phone because I just didn’t get enough of her the conversation was great and she felt the same, im assuming she kept texting back as well. So for a whole week we talked almost nonstop from the minute waking up til bedtime which sleep was only few hours because I would stay awake passed the time I should be asleep for work. So a week after talking we finally hung out she came over I cooked dinner for her we talked and talked for hours and ended up having sex and she stayed the night. It was amazing. Now I know a lot of guys just cause they have sex they think its best thing ever well I haven’t been a virgin since I was 14 I was with my first for 3 years til she tore me up so sex is nothing new to me and to me its not even important anymore unlike it used to be now it has more meaning to me so its not something I care to just run around and do with anyone..just a little about me to tell you that it really was amazing to me with her that night. Well now that was a Saturday and Saturday is our day. I even told her that yesterday that I tell my boys at work that Saturday is me and Dee’s day. She said really and I could hear the excitement about that in her voice and the look on her that she liked that. So that next Saturday we went out to eat and walked and talked for couple hours well later we came back and had great sex again. Well during the next week something was off I could tell so I asked did she wanna stop talking to me she said no not at all she just wanted to stop having sex for now so without hesitation I said okay that’s fine.

And thought maybe she testing me?? Well this weekend I found out that her ex of 3 years who she just recently broke up with like back in June 2013 he texted her or something so I guess it made her fall back from me a little bit well the 3rd Saturday came around we ended up having sex again. She told me this passed weekend which is the 5th Saturday we have hung out that that day he contacted her was last time she talked to him and she wont be tlakin to him anymore and that’s the reason she mentioned not having sex for now so we haven’t since then. Sometimes we get hot n heavy I can tell she wants to but she pauses it and I stop. Is she testing me?? This week we also had a long talk about how we feel. She has said she really likes me alot but she doesn’t know where she wants to go with me yet. Like friends or relationship and she says she know she will want a relationship just not ready right now and tells me she will be most likely ready by January but might be ready tomorrow or next week cause you never know what could happen.Well I opend up that night on the phone and told her that I like her a lot and I always think of her no matter what im doing.

First thing when I wake up is think of texting her so I text her every morning since we have been talking and I say goodmorning beautiful. She used to text me back saying good morning loverboy or handsome but not anymore and during day at work I randomly wanna text and talk to her cause I think of her so much but don’t because I don’t wanna bother her and she said she didn’t care if it was 3 in the morning that I could text her whenever. I told her I could wait til January if that’s what it took because im not trying to see anyone else and she kinda told me not to because what if I don’t want her to be it for me or if im not it for her so I told her if she was ready right now instead of January that she would be it for me and I was like I hope you know this is true because im exposing myself and Im being so open with you right now. We talked about how im affectionate and how I don’t like that shes not and she said she is shes just not fully there with me right now like kissing..we don’t do that. Only the once, which Is okay I can see how that means something more committed. We talked about how I cuddle her which she said she likes but only for little but then she starts feeling smothered so she will tell me to back up so this one time I did then after bout half hour she turns over and ask why im being weird..i said im not im just giving your space but it bothered her she said because she knows that, that’s not me…so what do I do with that? Now that I have told you a little bout me and her and our situation

My main questions I guess are how do I keep her close without smothering her or pushing her away? I don’t think this is the case at all but im going to ask Does this have anything to do with race maybe in the sense of im not getting something about her because of her race/culture or visaversa? Does it seem she doesn’t like to be chased she likes to chase? And if so, what can I do to help myself to allow that to happen? She has said stuff like hmm when am I gonna let you meet my mom and grandma, and stuff like telling her mom that she is moving in january and I asked where? And it just happens to be the same city im moving to next month. And also that seems kind of a coincidence where she said she be ready for relationship in January. Also when we first started hanging out she would catch me looking at her she seemed to not like her or think im weird for it cause she would tell me stop and she likes to ask me why im lookin at her when she catches me lookin I tell her cause shes beautiful and gorgeous and I don’t wanna miss anything about her while im with her for the time we have on Saturday , she seems to be coming around to it more now though cause she smiles when she see me looking and I always have her laughing. I feel im winning her over and feel she probably is falling for me cause i get the feeling with the way she says somethings like when she told me she really really likes me a lot I can hear something else between the lines..but still asking what you think?? I know this is all probably a lot but I really like her and think Im fallin for her and would like her to fall for me I know im an overthinker and over analyzer..even she has said so but have been burned alot even by my wife of 4 year while i was in Navy. so i know if its meant to be it will happen but I also know sometimes you gotta go out and get what you want so if you could take your time by all means if you need but im just asking for any advice and help that you could give to me. Thank you so much in advance


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