Gender Conflict

QOTW: “Help! I’m Afraid My Family Won’t Accept My Brit Boyfriend!”

The Question…

Hi Christelyn, my name is Zahara, I’m 20 years old, and I am coming to you with in need of advice on my situation. I met a guy online over a year ago and he is from England, and of course I am American. He is white and I am black. Oh he is also 20 as well, we both turn 21 in January and our birthdays are 11 days apart (but he’s still older than me lol). This March we have plans to finally meet in person. He has been saving up money so he can finally visit me in the states. Over this past year we have Skyped, texted, and called each other practically everyday (So I know for sure I am not being Catfished). We’ve also sent each other small gifts to show our appreciation to each other. We’ve come to love each other and we consider ourselves to be bf/gf but we just want to meet in person to make it actual official. My mom is the only one in my family who really knows about him, but even though I am in college and I don’t live at home anymore, I actually live with my Dad. I told my Grandma about my boyfriend and she didn’t approve at all. Not because he was white, it’s because we met online. To this day she’ll still call me asking if I met a guy or if I have a boyfriend like she didn’t even acknowledge my relationship what so ever, and that hurts me a lot. She hasn’t told my Dad about my boyfriend, but I know that my boyfriend and I are going to be getting more serious really soon and I want to tell my Dad about him but I don’t know how. I also am nervous to tell him that my boyfriend is white, however I think my Dad knows that I like white guys. My family isn’t racist because we do have some “Swirlers” in my family but my Dad has also emphasized black culture and always disapproved about the music I listen to or kind of turned his nose up to white celebrities that I find attractive. Once he saw a photo of one of my cousins with her white boyfriend on my Facebook (not that he checks it but he happened to glance at it one day) and he asked me who the white boy standing next to her was and I told him that he was her boyfriend and my Dad’s reaction was kind of like he was in disgust or something because he said “Brit is dating a white guy??” and the face he made looked like he didn’t like the idea. That also discouraged me. My Dad has met some of my white guy friends and asked if they were my boyfriend and they weren’t and I told him and it seemed like he had a sigh of relief after I told him. So I feel like my boyfriend being white will be an issue. My Dad also uses online dating sites, he doesn’t know that I know, but I feel like it would be hypocritical if he disapproves how i met my boyfriend. Anyways sorry that this letter is so long and no video is required, but my questions are: How and when should I tell my Dad about my boyfriend? Also how can I get my Grandma to be a bit more understanding and accepting of my boyfriend? Lastly, I might have some possible racist Grandparents who I see often and my boyfriend might meet them as well so any advice on that? Thank you very much I love your videos and I hope to hear from you soon and God Bless.

My Take…

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