Got this question from ‘Maisea’ last week. I’m going to do a little something different with this inquiry, mainly because it’s full of so many questions, and there’s some stuff we need to un-sweep from the rug.
“Do White men in Europe or the US still believe themselves to be meal tickets for black women?” [Frankly, I think this goes the other way around. There are women in just about every minority group that think white men will pay off their credit cards.]
“Do some believe that black women should be grateful to be with them and not change their lifestyle or basically fall in love?????What I want to say is that women are so independent, we make money and are financially and intellectually successful.Basically we wont put up with any rubbish that comes our way.” [That’s bull donkey. Black women put up with all sorts of rubbish. Checked out the out-of-wedlock rate in the black community? The HIV rate? The domestic violence rates? But I have to wonder, Maisea, are you holding your degrees and financial success as some sort of tool to attract a guy? Because if you are, the only men that are impressed about how much money you have are the broke ones.]
“So in saying that we do want IR relationships but may be difficult to maintain. Some folks may feel it didn’t last because of the IR thing but can it be because of different cultural, financial or personal reasons and we wont settle.” [Yes; yes, yes; and whaaaaaaat? I think that some black women say “we won’t settle” as code for “I will cut your balls off with sheer force of will if you cross me on a bad day.”]
“Are black women so obsessed to be in an IR relationships that it may never come through and be left bitter or frustrated?” [Obsession is no bueno period. But if you are specifically honing in on a particular race in order to ease some woe, fill some hole or because you want wavy-haired babies, it might be a good time to reassess your own motivations.]
“Was this touched on before? Some men are so damaged psychologically that they figure being with a black women will help them get over it? But is that a healthy way to start a relationship?”
[Okay, Maisea. Who did it? Where he at? You want me to get Guido and ’em?]
“I have been out with guys not of my race for over 20 years and I’m still waiting for my love to happen. I am very weary of white men and their intentions and some haven’t been pleasant experiences but still live in hope.” [Maisea, I say this out of love. If, out of two decades of dating, you haven’t found a healthy and loving relationship, it might be high time to take a look at the common denominator: you. From the tone of this message, you sound war-weary from some bad choices that you’ve made in men. Perhaps you don’t know what a good man looks like, and that’s understandable. I know you probably don’t want to spend another red cent on a man, but might I recommend buying the book, Finding Your Prince in a Sea of Toads, by Dr. Kenneth Ryan. All three of my girls will be reading this book again and again until they can quote it like scripture.]
Have at it, ladies. I know ya’ll will have something to say about this!