Question of the Week

Question of the Week: My Father Refuses to Accept My Fiance!

Fathers can be soooooo protective of their daughters when it comes to the men they date and it can drive some to the point of–and I’m not recommending this–slipping them a micky in their morning coffee and transporting them by helicopter to one of those places that engage in intense hypnosis and brain-washing under bright lights and…

Which brings me to this week’s question. This beautiful lady is all aglow at the thought of her upcoming nuptials with her rainbow man. But here’s the kink:

My dad (age 71) is vehemently opposed to my relationship with my fiance (who is white). He hasn’t even met him and given him a chance. It is quite frustrating given that our wedding is in December and I’m not even sure he will come. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Enter Dr. Romance herself, Tina B. Tessina, PhD, psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media 2008)

Be patient with your Dad. Perhaps he’s taking this personally; as if your choice of a non-black man is a slight to him. He loves you, he’ll probably come around. Just keep calmly repeating, like broken record: “Dad, I love this man, and he loves me. We are happy. I love you, too, and I hope you can be happy for me. I’ll be very sad on my wedding day if you’re not there.” Don’t push him, don’t argue with him. You don’t want to make it harder for him to give in. Just keep going with your wedding plans, involve your mother if she’s willing, and make it possible for your dad to change his mind and come, even at the last minute. Have a plan B for if he’s not there (someone else to give you away, etc.) Have faith, and trust that your Dad will get over his issue, when he sees his objections are not going to stop you. Many good wishes to you for your happiness.


I have to admit I have a bit of a hard time relating to this because my dad didn’t care what color the guy was that wanted to marry me as long as he could get me out of his pocketbook.

So…What say all of you ladies? Anyone have some other nuggets of wisdom for our blushing bride?

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