Black Women's Improvement Project (BWIP)

Question of the Week: What Black Woman Wants the ‘Thug Swirl?’

I got this note last week from a reader and she shared a story that I can hardly understand–dating a man who carries all the negative stereotypes associated with BM, just without the melanin. I mean, what the point of dating interracially if “Leroy” repossessed the soul of “Brandon”?

Here’s the question–what the heck do you do when you have an attraction to this kind of dude. Is there some kind of pill or rehab facility you can go to? Tent revival faith healing service? What?

Swirling with a Thug. You know–the non-black (Asian or white) dude who is a thug true and true. I say this because attending a predominantly white school and living in a largely populated black neighborhood meant I had to juggle both worlds. Upon graduating college and entering a prestigious university, I decided to swirl. However I picked up a looser who encompassed all of the traits we detest in thugs and the homey on the block. He did not have a GED. He bought a new pair of Nike or Jordan every pay week. He did not have a bank account and kept his money underneath his mattress. He made fun of my extensive vocabulary and would poke fun of me finding “white” (refined men) attractive. The only thing he read was The Source, Vibe and sports section. His favorite movie was Scarface. He made me feel so unattractive as I stood at 5’4 and weighed 135lbs. I was too skinny. To top it off he complained about having to attend my own mother’s funeral. I was crap.

But dating him was easy. He was white but he blended into my black world. He could carry conversations, as nonsensical as they were, with people around the way. His thug swagger made it easier for me to be seen with him because he had “swag”. He was not a bougie white dude – he was down. Needless to say this was a toxic relationship that I found myself caught in because I wanted to make swirling easier and juggle both worlds. I fear that young impressionable black women can fall into the same trap that I had fallen into nearly ten years ago. I mean if you are going to date Paul Wall you might as well bump fuglies with Rick Ross. Just sayin. I wholeheartedly feel a discussion about this would help so many. I wish blogging had been as prevalent ten years ago as it is today. I would have spared the best years of my college experience.

In some ways, I can see how this girl would go this route, because however negative the traits are, if they are “familiar” to us, there’s more of an attraction and comfort. But answer me this: is a THUG of another other nationality STINK any less?

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