Question of the Week

Question of the Week: White Guy Asks, “How Can I Get Over My Fear of Approaching Black Women?”

If you guys haven’t met EarthJeff yet, he’s a newbie who is quite the enthusiastic reader. He’s been reaching waaaay back in the archives, reading and commenting, and I just so happened to see this question he just posed:

Hmmmm, this is a great thread. I am a bit sorry I found it months later, but I just discovered Christelyn’s fantastic site here and am enjoying going back through things posted in the archive. I really appreciate the “safe” feel here that allows for such open conversation, such real conversation. So as a WM fairly new to IRR (even though I have had interest in this direction for quite awhile), I have to admit that I never really was very sure how to approach a black woman as opposed to a white woman. I wasn’t strong enough to be willing to overcome the taboo. And I am guilty of applying one perceived characteristic – race loyalty of BW as far as dating was concerned – to everyone in that group. So other than the part of these issues in my head, what do we do about some of these issues in a larger context?


Okay I’m just gonna rant for a minute. Thanks A LOT LaKeisha, Shaniqua, and Boom Qui Qui for shouting from the rooftops that only a “brutha” will do, because you’re messing shite up for the rational, open-minded women who are probably getting passed up by quality non-black men because you can’t keep you big, loud, mouth shut. I’m not blaming you for global warming or anything (*cough* AIO *cough*), but THIS lies squarely on your lap.

Now Jeff, I’m going to go in on you. The best way to know that any woman is open and receptive to your overtures is to observe her body language. If she locks eyes with you for longer than three seconds, rinses and repeats for a minimum of three time, well, that’s enough. She’s interested. Bear in mind, however, that many many black women are used to more…ehr…overt come-ons, and they might not even realize you’re hitting on them if you don’t include “hey shoortie! Come here, lemme talk to you a second.”

I highly recommend you read “The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want” by Richard La Ruina (the book’s on pre-order). He offers a good tactic of how to handle a woman who has made contact with you: Force her interest. “When you’ve made eye contact with the girl, provoke a response from her by doing something along these lines: pointing at her; waving; raising your glass; making a funny face; poking your tongue out. If you get a positive reaction, you can approach without needing to think of something cleaver to say.” For more pick up tips and tricks, go to

I know the other ladies will have a lot to say on this, so sit back and take it all in. Good luck, Jeff. You seem like a really nice guy.

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