Black Women's Improvement Project (BWIP)

Real Advice from my Mother-in-law: Maximize Your Rainbeau Opportunities in College!

So as I write this I’m in the kitchen with my mother-in-law and the rest of the gang, and since we’re all loose and happy after downing a few drinky-drinks, I tell her about this blog idea, and I know she’s probably the best source I have on how to snag a partner while you’re poor as a pauper, starving as a student.

Back story: My father-in-law is a judge for the superior courts for the State of Connecticut, and was recently appointed Judge of the Year by the Connecticut Trial Lawyers Association. He’s loving and generous, an über-family man, his children and grandchildren think he walks on water, and he’s sharp as a tack. In short, my MIL knows how to pick ’em.

Too bad so many educated black women haven’t a clue. Why is it that every other race of women in the U.S.(with this exception of, perhaps, Hispanics) teaches their girls to maximize their dating and mating opportunities?

Here’s the problem with what black families often do–it’s well-meaning, but often disastrous: They tell us girls to “get our education and not worry about getting serious until we’ve made it big in the corporate world. Oh! And when you do get around to marrying, make sure he’s black.

Well we know how that goes. Statistically speaking, more black women are college educated and upwardly mobile in the workplace, so then all of a sudden, when you can’t find an IBM, it’s, “give the brothas in prison a chance!” (this is a true story–someone ACTUALLY said this).

But my mother-in-law, who is EXPERT extraordinaire at snagging a man whilst in college, shared with me what she did to get my dad-in-law, and she told me to pass the info along to you.

  • First off, my MIL had a plan. She knew the qualities she wanted in a man from the jump. She wanted someone who shared similar interests as she did, like traveling, going out, had the same view about marriage and family, and good earning potential.
  • THEN, she put herself out there. That means, she went to the social events that would most likely populate her ideal guy, and she went to them–frequently. She chatted, danced, and stealthily gathering information. She was at the height of her beauty and fertility and she knew the value of those ass-ets.
  • She met my dad-in-law at such a function, found out he was in law school, honed in, and worked it like a job.
  • Yes, it was 1964, but my MIL was No Wedding No Womb! all the way.
  • Finally after confessions of love were exchanged, she did something VERY feminist –SHE ASKED HIM TO MARRY HER!

They’ve been together 45 years. Her daughter, my SIL, did the 1990’s version of the same thing, and is married to a pediatrician who made partner at his practice. BTW, they live walking distance from the beach, and while she’s a graduate from Dartmouth and Harvard, she’s a stay at home mom.

But don’t think they didn’t have something to bring to the table. No-sir-eeee. Both of them went to charm school, knew how to handle themselves in public, and were intelligent and highly educated. (So if you pick your nose and a hood booger comes out, this strategy might not work for you.)

So take note young ladies–college isn’t just about getting “yo edumacation.” It’s a PRIME opportunity to meet and grow a relationship with quality men across the rainbeau spectrum. The key is to find out who your ideal man is, and where he might hang out.

Stayed tuned next week for Part II: Maximize Your Rainbeau Opportunities in the Workplace.

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