If you’re a woman looking for a family and marriage, you don’t want to waste time. Nobody wants to be led on. Some of my lady followers discuss a desire to have “the talk” very early on about the “M-word.” But how soon is too soon, or not soon enough? Not every man comes to the same conclusion simultaneously.

• There are some men who are marriage-minded and are open about that. But even the marriage-minded ones aren’t necessarily being marriage minded about YOU. That’s just their general status. They’re looking for the right woman to stir into the pot and complete the soup. It up to him (and you) whether you’re the perfect ingredient.

• Other men are open, but won’t necessarily know within a few months of dating. These men tend to be younger, still establishing themselves in life, and getting their sea legs.

• Then there are men who will outright tell you that they are not interested in anything serious, and it tends to be obvious early on.

• There’s a super-small, tiny, minuscule, a peck of a speck of men who actually do know they want to marry someone at first sight. They usually don’t say so, for fear of looking like a lunatic.

• Finally, there are men who SAY they desire marriage but only do so because they know that is what a woman wants to hear. It is used as a manipulation tactic to receive “wife benefits” without the commitment. It is a bait and switch. My daughter’s father did this. Talked a lot about marriage, but as time went on, he put all these imaginary roadblocks and reasons for why “it was my fault” he wasn’t ready. In the end, I’m grateful he didn’t marry me.

So with all these varied combinations, how can you REALLY know if a man is serious? THROUGH HIS ACTIONS. He will display the following characteristics: he is dependable, committed, considerate, loyal, hard-working and protective of you. He is respected by his friends and colleagues, and you have been introduced to them. He speaks of future plans and YOU are included in them.

If you must keep a deadline (and I’m all for that because you shouldn’t waste your beauty and reproductive window on someone who is on a different clock) then DO IT. But not with ultimatums or fanfare. This is the one thing ladies that we can not force. We can lead the horse to the water and hope he drinks, but ultimately it will be his choice. Now how you respond with that knowledge is entirely up to you.

So what are your thoughts on when to discuss the M-word?

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