Someone passed along an article to me that was published on XO Jane, true-confession style, written by a black woman, admitting that her declaration that she prefers white men makes her feel “disgusting…a race traitor.” She blames the effects of the media and white supremacy for her affinity for white men, but says this: “In my case, both personal experiences and white supremacy are to blame. Personal experiences include the black boys who made fun of me and made me feel ugly when I was a kid and the black men who have harassed me in public.”
Let’s take a look at that for a second. I’m not going to post this woman’s actual photo because I don’t have permission to do so. However, the picture below give a general idea of her phenotype:
And considering that most black men prefer to date and marry women who look like this…
…It poses a bit of a problem, doesn’t it? The dark girl with short hair is constantly told that she is “less than,” ugly, nappy headed, needs to go hide somewhere and let the light chick up yonder get all the shine. The dark girl is typically the one who is ridiculed, teased, used and abused by the members of her own community. She is told that she is hated, her attitude stinks and no one wants her. She is reminded of this daily.
So…if she’s so disgusting, why aren’t these same people who treat her like crap cheering from the rooftops that a few non-black men are taking her off their hands? What is it about that dark girl who FINALLY finds a (white?) man who can admire her unique beauty that causes so much outrage? Why all the guilt tripping that leads to this written “woe is me” missive? What is it about such a woman that compels her to essentially apologize for her affinity for a group of men who showed her kindness and interest?
She even acknowledges it herself:
The idea of being with a white man was never about the men themselves, who, besides their whiteness, are often mediocre. It’s that being loved by a white man would make up for my perceived inadequacy as a black woman.
Black girls, especially darker-skinned ones, are unwanted. Up until very recently (praise be to Shonda Rhimes), we were not the love interests. Books, TV shows, and film didn’t acknowledge our humanity and complexity, with the occasional exception of the lighter-skinned black girl. The way we are portrayed in the media is representative of real life desirability politics. According to OkCupid’s data on race and attraction, black women are the least desirable among all groups of women.
The first, and only, boyfriend I ever had was a white guy. As inexperienced and anxious I was about relationships, he made me feel comfortable because he made me feel good about myself. I was very insecure, so I needed him to frequently tell me that I was beautiful.
This woman is basically the wet dream of all the critics of black women and interracial dating–she’s admitting she only likes white men because it makes her feel validated after her own community rejected her. She even throws a big ‘ole bone to her “black kangs” by claiming most white men are “mediocre.” SERIOUSLY?! Most people in GENERAL are average. But again, she’s begging.
Take a look at that last paragraph–her boyfriend, WHO WAS WHITE, made her feel good about herself. Why is that wrong? Why is that “problematic??” Why are dark-skinned, short haired, full-lipped black women still seeking a pat on the head from a community that openly disdains them, regardless of its origins in white supremacy? Why are these women FORCED to self-reflect, while the perpetrators of the hatred are allowed to continue their soul-crushing crusade to keep black women such as this “in their pockets?” Are we to bleed, cry, accept scraps, remain unloved, agree to be cum dumpsters, raise illegitimate babies alone, all in an effort to martyr ourselves on the alter of fighting white supremacy? Do we even get a cookie for that shit?!
How many black men will see this true confession and hunt her down for dating and marriage? Will this suddenly make her more attractive to the people who treated her like crap in the first place? Has she not earned your loyalty? Where are all the IBMs riding on their noble steeds to swoop this woman off her feet?
Ultimately, I hope this woman stops kicking herself and finds love, no matter what package it comes in, and stop feeding trolls who are convinced black women only date white men because it makes them feel affirmed as human beings. Wait a minute…what the EFF is wrong with dating a man who AFFIRMS your HUMANITY? Hmmmm…..
I seriously hate these types of articles. Thank the gods we are the counterbalance to it all.