Let me say right off I’ve been down this road on numerous occasions. I’m no stranger to the issues you’ve raised and understand to a degree where you’re coming from. First things first, as a white dude I take the position that I will gladly listen and sympathize with what you have experienced and what you have to say about it, but I’m not here to jump all over other men’s insecurities, insensitivities, and inappropriate behavior and comments. I’m not going to pass judgment on those people. You can do that just fine without my assistance.
I’m also not here to throw those guys under the bus, either. Seems they can do that just fine all on their own and hardly need my help gettin under that thing. What I can assist you with, and most willingly I might add, is provide you the opportunity to talk about what’s on your mind and then toss out a few ways to work around it from a white dude’s perspective.
Ya know what? Yeah, you’re gonna get some vile stuff from some vile people. As for how you choose to deal with it, you’re right…you can laugh their crap off if you want. You can ignore it, take the noble and high road and roll your eyes as you walk away knowing you’re getting what you want out of life while he’s wasting his life trying to control yours. I’ll leave it up to you how you choose to deal with people who go off like that, but I’m of the belief living well is the best statement one could make. But don’t be afraid to smirk and rub it in a little if it makes ya feel better too 😉
Personally, I liked the response an acquaintance of mine gave when she got hit with that white man’s whore stuff. She hit him right back with it, looked him dead in the eye and told him straight up,
“That white guy treats his “whore” way better than you’ve ever treated any woman you’ve been with your entire life. You could learn a thing or two from him.”
Like I said, we all deal with it differently. You do what’s right for you, stand your ground and go all in with your choice. I’m behind ya all the way. Hell, I’ll put my arm around you and grin like the Cheshire Cat the whole time you’re sayin it! And then we’ll go have dinner and drinks at this place I’ve been wanting to try out.
So let’s talk a little bit about empowering here, shall we?
Take a little power and have fun with it! You get out there and you go after who you want. Go find that man you like and don’t be afraid to break the ice and let him know he triggered your Swirlin Radar. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not sayin go be some man chasing thristygirl. I’m saying take control and let him know you have given him the green light to experience what you have to offer. And if he is indeed the caliber of man you’re looking for, he’ll step up and take it from there.
So let me ask you this…how many times have you said,
“Men are easy. Men are soooo easy”.
How many times have you said that? Well, speaking as a man, we can be easy but that’s not the point. What I’m getting at here is if men are indeed so easy, what have you got to lose by exercising a little power, taking control and pushing it a little with the man YOU choose? Don’t be afraid to roll the dice on that dashing dude in the wine aisle at the grocery store. Go ahead, you’re a Classy Lady and the odds are entirely in your favor here. Seriously, they are. Ya know how I know this? Cuz I get hit with it from Lovely Ladies such as yourself. At the dog park. At the grocery store. At a friend’s BBQ. At a wine bar or a jazz club. Now let’s clarify something right here and now. I’m not saying I’m some trophy of manhood, I’m saying more than a few Lovely Black Ladies have taken that power and control and used it to gain my attention. And the results they received were rather favorable!! These were all random, casual comments based on observations that lead to a conversation, and later a dinner date, with a very flattered and willing gentleman. Now I’m not gonna leave ya high and dry here, I’ll spell out for you what specifically worked on me. Seriously, this is what they said. Steal this stuff, use this stuff, benefit from this stuff! If I went for it other gentlemen will too!
At an intersection:
“Hey, I really like the way you drive that Jeep!” (smiles)
At a wine bar:
“That’s a nice shirt you’ve got on. I like your style.” (smiles)
After encountering each other several times in the grocery store…
“Looks like you and I have the same shopping list.” (smiles)
Another time at a grocery store:
“I didn’t know Stone Cold Steve Austin shopped here.” (smiles)
At a dog park after finding out my deaf and blind dog is named Helen:
“You’re a real piece of work, aren’t you?” (smiles)
And yet another time at a grocery store over in the wine aisle:
“Hey, you look like a classy guy. What would you recommend with…” (smiles)
Hey, that grocery store looks like its workin something here, doesn’t it? Well hey, if you choose to drop some of that empowerment on a guy, go on a weekday around 5-6 pm when guys are getting off work and are likely stopping to pick up a few things. That’s when I go and I’ve got no complaints 😉
At a friends BBQ:
“You’re a fun guy. I’ll bet you’re a blast to go out dancing with” (smiles)
So see, live well and rock your Lovely Lady Ways. Take a little bit of that power, use it to control the situation, smile…always smile, and do your thing. Trust me, we men WILL take notice 😉