Gender Conflict

Should a neurosurgeon marry a shoe salesman?

Written by Nicole J.

I’m aware that the scenario is probably made up, only posted on the internet to get people triggered and bothered. But as the kids say, “I got time today”. I guarantee there are women out there in similar arrangements, so it is worth a look.

In the various iterations of this scenario, it is posted with a picture of a black couple. A link to the version I saw (with some truly dumpster fire comments is located here).

That said, this whole scenario is a mess. It is only in the black community where black women are not just encouraged, but seemingly required, to scrape the very bottom of a barrel for a man who is nowhere near her level, all for black love. When a woman makes more than her man, she is commended for holding him down, building a brotha up and what have you, but if it were reversed, the woman would be called all sorts of gold digger who is only around for his money.

This is the same group of men who cry emasculation when guys like Billy Porter wear a dress to an awards show, yet behave as if they are the prize to be fought for and wooed, the prince to be rescued from the tower by the princess, armed with her “strength” and “independence”, and battle hardened armor, forged by the colorism, texturism, and featurism that made her that way.

You know how hard it is to become a neurosurgeon? Let’s look into this.

This timeline will assume everything went perfectly in Tameka’s scholastic endeavors (no semesters off etc.) and that she started at University of Struggle Love at 18.

Undergrad is 4 years. Medical school is another 4 years. Neurosurgery residency is another 6 or 7 years. So you mean to tell me that in FIFTEEN YEARS of school and training, Tameka was not able to find someone on a similar career path? Even if she didn’t want to marry a surgeon, or even a doctor, there are other allied health professionals that make a similar salary to her. Maybe not as much, but certainly hitting well into the 6-figure mark.

A woman who makes $400k should be with a man who ideally makes that too, or more, or somewhere close. While Tameka is foolishly married to Keith, who makes A TENTH OF HER INCOME, where is Keith’s equal, Shanika, a manager at a local Rack Room Shoes, to go? I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with a $44k salary. But that wealth gap is ridiculous and removes Keith from the pool of women he would be better financially suited for. These massive disparities trickle down to black women who are not at Tameka’s level, further contributing to the deficit of marriageable black men (see ‘Is Marriage For White People’ by Ralph Richard Banks for more details).

The comments, a mess as usual, were saying love is all that matters.

Love is a great and wonderful thing, but you better believe me telling my student loans that I love them every month won’t reduce my balance by an amount greater than $0.00. As it is said, love doesn’t pay the bills.

And right on cue, black women were cosigning this arrangement. What the hell is wrong with them?! It promotes the narrative that black women, despite reaching the peak of success, will accept any old mediocre man and say she’s content with it! So if Tameka, who literally saves lives for a living, is happy with Kevin, who is getting asked “Do you have this in a size 9?”, why wouldn’t black men, or any other race of men approach black women when having less than the bare minimum to offer?

People were saying money is just paper, much like they say marriage is a piece of paper too. Well, since that’s the case, I challenge you all to go to your landlord, electric company, mortgage lender, grocery store, and whoever you pay money to, with the highest quality hand-made artisanal paper you can find, and ask if that piece of paper will cover your balance. Let me know the answer you get in the comments. I’ll wait.

Is this the depths women will reach to, to have a black man?

She is a NEUROSURGEON. That grants her access to groups of men that other women could only dream of. And that’s the best she could do? This is yet another reason to expand your options. Black men in the same tax bracket as Tameka are scarce, but when you cast a wide net, and vet appropriately, you will almost certainly get a catch, even if he’s not black.

Can you imagine what it would be like bringing Keith to work events? There would be other powerful surgeons and their accomplished husbands and wives, and Tameka with Keith…this disparity will lower Tameka’s social standing as well, even if her peers don’t say it to her face.

Pay attention to black women in failed marriages that have been popping up. Marrying and dating down NEVER SERVES THE WOMAN. Case in point, the most recent Wendy Williams, Mary J Blige, Jill Scott, Kim Coles, Sheri Sheppard; the list goes on and on. Compare that to Jeff and Mackenzie Bezos, whose divorce made Mackenzie the third richest woman worldwide.

To the black men cosigning this arrangement, you are only further emasculating yourselves and despite the melanin you were blessed with, you pale in comparison at the table of men. To the black women accepting this arrangement, you are clearly not using your brain.

Making good relationship choices, that is, marrying UP, makes all black women look good. Reaching into the depths of struggle just to say you have a black man, makes all black women look bad.

Black men are the most conquered men on the planet, which in a way is not even an issue, because, unfortunately, someone has to be on the bottom. It’s that they broadcast this as if it is something aspirational, and are satisfied with that lot, that really proves how subjugated they are.

What do you think? Let’s hear it in the comments.

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