Editorial Staff

Shutting Up About Black Men (Part 1)

This three part series was inspired by a recent conversation, though the hot-button topic does come up quite often in IRR/BWE centric communities. Namely, why these spaces often bring up black men, despite claiming to not be about black men. Why continue to discuss negative experiences and attributes of black men?

Depending on who you ask, black men are by and large removed from these arenas as welcomed participants (pro-BWE black men being the exception) and have little or no place in the circles of many BWE and BW/non-BM blogs. And yet, depending on the topic, the words “black men” are very likely to come up.


In circles revolving around black relationships, the subject of black men means discussing how there aren’t any good ones, how the white/non-black women have all the good ones, or things black women are doing to drive black men away.

Meanwhile in other spaces, the tone turns from despair to anger: The lack of black men in the lives of their off-spring. The inability to get enough money from the fathers to buy diapers. Paying a black man’s way through college only for him to get a good job and dump that person “for some white (bleep)”.

But surprisingly for some, on forums where black men aren’t even considered romantic relationship choices, they still come up. The topics range from black men who are indignant about black women dating interracially to the negative effect of black men’s failings on the black community. A place, mind you, from which not all black women who are interracially coupled or minded have removed themselves or their interests.


But, some people strongly feel that it’s time for black women seeking self-sufficiency and a better life away from black men and the black community stop talking about them. Period. It’s not enough to exclude black men from much the conversation, since it’s firmly stated black men don’t get to run things in BWE/IRR circles: We need to not discuss them at all.

– It’s a hindrance

– It makes us look angry and bitter

– It’s hypocritical


I’ve heard a slew of reasons, and admit at times I’ve wondered myself.

Why do black women continue to bring up problems and issues involving black men in BW/BWE/IRR-centric spaces? In part two: Reasons why the topic of black men repeatedly comes up….

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