The hotel staff accountant position wasn’t a right fit for my ‘rolling thunder’ persona. The position and pay were falsely represented upon initial contact and offer letter, so I walked. It was a scary decision to choose joblessness, but not over deceptive employment. Not to mention the food and beverage director called me screaming on a Saturday night (before I even started) to ‘establish dominance.’ I had a few bucks saved but it was going to be a tight one. So I laced up my vans, tilted my fedora and walked the plank like a boss…
It was time to put up or shut up. I was born to write, which is why I allow people to judge and downright hate on me, the cathartic process is similar to a deep tissue massage, the pain I undergo sows for a harvest, deeply soothing every inch of me.
I filled out about 8 applications in a total of 1 month. I didn’t want just anything. Just anything is why people stay the same place for 20 years, reside as their boss’ doormat, are afraid to lose something that’s not providing for them anyhow. God will protect and provide. I’ll walk away from ANYTHING when I hear the bell toll (with careful consideration and prayer).
It had been ten months since Scotland screwed me
(either way you interpret that is true)… Which somehow made me think of Daniel. I NEVER had sex with Daniel, he’s never seen or touched me naked, we had only kissed. Fully clothed, I slept beside but not with
him (people read the first 3 paragraphs and run with it as the gospel). I was no longer attracted to him after our fight and there was no way we would ever rekindle what never happened. He sent me a Facebook message just saying hello, I responded with a favorable greeting. Black people and women in particular are akin to grudges, a stereotype most do not promote nor defy, but I do.
We met up for Pho in Little Tokyo, Daniel apologized, I followed up with an anti-Semitic joke, ‘you Jews make you pay people you back to the cent and NEVER let us forget how much pain you’ve been through,’ which he laughed wildly in adoration. The synergy of the brunch meet was as if nothing ever happened.
We did the usual catching up on happenings, I informed him that I was the upwardly jobless. He immediately offered me a job as his executive assistant (for website and production company) while his permanent assistant was out of town. A lot to consider… His film was about to be released across six Laemmle theatres in LA (Carl Laemmle is very film history 101). So I had a choice… Pride or a resume builder? Bitterness or income? Industry connections or an unrelenting job search? To work for a guy I kissed?
For those of you who would turn down tax-free cash for your pride – good for you. You’ve cashed checks from people and places you didn’t agree with and/or like, and probably continue to do so. I wasn’t about to deplete my savings for my pride. I obliged the offer.
When it rains it pours, weeks later I was asked to start 2 jobs simultaneously, out of the 3 I interviewed for. I accepted the highest grossing global fashion distribution accounting position and Daniel was kind enough to let me work around my 9-hour days for most things. He fed me Whole Foods meals per-day and I got to laugh at all the women he’s screwing… Priceless.
We are now best of friends that can talk about anything. We sat together after his innumerable failed online dates as he poured his hopes and fears into me, “I’m ready to be married already.” Daniel hopes for a woman to ‘fill him up,’ which I doubt would never happen. I don’t think humans were designed for completion. I regret being mean to him, right or wrong. Sometimes people do say or do things that hurt or offend, but their perspective is not yours, if you try to understand rather than talk over or label someone.
After his Santa Monica film premiere, Daniel came home with a beautiful woman that I saw in the Laemmle theatre taking photos with his family, a gorgeous black female at that. Later I learned she was a porn star for vivid entertainment. Cast your feelings aside and try to understand the person. Once I stopped judging him, I saw that we were the same, wanting the same thing. Requited acceptance.
One day I returned to his house from my first job and he was reading a script that I had once read when we were dating, written by a black man from San Francisco. The script was and is phenomenal, a black film about big money, sports, sex, and inner demons thrusting one lost soul into confinement then finally redemption. He had promised that I would get to polish some dialogue (the first two writers were white and Asian, not quite nailing the authenticity factor) and he gave me a crack at it.
He hated everything I wrote, the first time. So I wrote it again and again. I’d write about 15 pages and he’d toss it all out except a line or two, and I’d be left to rebuild again from that. We screamed. We went behind doors and growled in frustration. We were around one another solong. Our past frustrations of dating resurfaced as we locked horns, but we moved on.
Long story short, a major production company is interested in my first IMDB and WGA credit-worthy collaboration. Not only that, but I’m digesting film finance and distribution practices. He is pouring his 2 Baccalaureates, Masters degree, and business acumen into me unabatedly. Daniel is currently campaigning for John Kasich across California.
Had I not forgiven a trivial disagreement as opposed to being angry and writing people off, I wouldn’t be on the cusp of major success for not only myself but for all ethnic female screenwriters alike. We need more Issa Rae’s, Shonda Rhimes’ and Ava Duvernay’s, Mindy Kaling’s. When one makes it, we all make it one step further.
Moving on, there’s a new guy and a guy after that: Mister X and Charlie. X who I met through a coworker roughly 6 months back… A driven, MFA student from Westlake, California. I fell for him during a reading of his comedic teleplay about superheroes cloaked in human confines forced to fight evils of corporate greed and racism. He’s that one white guy who actually wants to talk about racism (because I sure as hell don’t). After the table reading of his teleplay, I hug and congratulate X. In front of about 8 of his closest friends he says, “I read your articles, so you do like white guys? …Let’s meet up and talk about, writing?” That totally got me hot! Funny thing Daniel asked me, “…is your new guy white-white or basketball white?”
He had read my posts, knows all about my past and didn’t ask nor remind me of it the way spiteful people do. He doesn’t believe people all are wrecked from their histories.
As a follower of my chronicles, he wants absolutely nothing to do with my BB&W posts. We ended things on his behalf about a week ago. He did not feel a ‘connection,’ to me, I asked por que, ‘ no reason’ he replied. Everything was fine one day and then it wasn’t. Only a few weeks of dating, albeit he has a lot of qualities I still want in a man. He dumped me after I bought him an expensive dinner! I guess that’s how most guys feel.
Then there’s Charlie… I’ve known Charlie for about two years and he is always trying to take me out or make me dinner. But I’ve gone out with Charlie, whose super cute, a 31-year-old successful video editor for a VH1 ratchet reality show about rappers you’ve probably have flipped past. Video editors are notoriously boring and hyper critical and he is no exception, personality-wise and activity-wise. He never wants to go out anywhere or do anything. When I say never I mean never. He also can be and never admits to doing anything incorrectly, well he should…
A while back Charlie kept texting me and I said, “Charlie, why do you always ask me deeply personal semi-sexual things via text and never in person?” He said he “…only saw me as a friend and I was being presumptuous.” Well he sure told me then! First off Chuck, you’re in my life as an industry connection. Check yourself. He texts me today while I was at work to ask me my opinion of a fabric choice:
[Insert photo here]
Inclusive was a photo of his white, naked ass that he sent also. And it wasn’t a nice ass either. Yeah he’s done. We have all received messages similar to this and white men are no exception. Being pretty in the Los Angeles entertainment industry means some people will only see you as a conquest. I only entertained this conversation for pure hysteria but some women will blame me for this man’s actions somehow, which brings me to my next and final point…
MESSAGE FOR ALL THE BW NEGGERS: You cannot be happy with yourself and down someone else then wrap it under the guise of ‘keeping it real so you won’t make my same mistakes,’ or ‘you’re messy and I’m in the right.’ How happy are you if all you do is point out the flaws in others?
That being said, I am still a mortal human. A sexual being, I kiss, I touch, I provoke. I will not mute parts of my psyche or human nature to appease your definition of what a sophisticated black woman should be. If I fulfill a stereotype while living my life, so be it. My posts are almost as interesting as my life is. Enjoy!
Black women are the harshest critics of other black women and think you should focus on what’s best for you and only you. And some of you don’t know that either. If you do not have half the balls it takes to write the whole truth about your life (and do it well) then to expose it, get on my level or hush. Police someone else.
Your criticism, pseudo-psychiatric evaluations, life coach suggestions and other bulls#!t you heard on OWN network, you can miss me with that. Finally, those without sin please, cast the first stone… I’ll hold still.