As an observer and participant in social media, I’m privy to a wide range of belief systems. Some are based in reality. Many are so off the mark outrageous that you have to wonder how many people online have IQ scores of 70 or less. What has been enlightening, however, is to see in real time, the out-of-touch, misogynistic, growth-stunted ideas and expectations some “childmen” have of black women.
Funny, certain “men” sure do have some highly-detailed expectations of what they believe black women are supposed to do for them. “Black women need to…blah blah blah” you know the drill. But when you ask what these “men” will offer in return for all the blood letting, there’s absolute SILENCE. Look at the exchange I’m having below with a viewer of my latest You Tube/G+ discussion:
COMMENTER: I can understand your reasoning about BW wanting to date white, Asian, Hispanic or any other men outside their race. But your logic is flawed. You fail to take into account the social issues that are heavily weighted against BM. BM don’t have it as easy as other races, as a matter of fact, we’re heavily looked over– even the most successful of black men are. You say that race isn’t an issue with you and your significant other, but let me tell you my sister, it is and your spouse knows that – he just want ever tell you. I bet when you and he get around a lot of black men his arrogance/pride goes from 1 to 50 in a matter of minutes. He may find himself doing just a little extra things for you. That’s because with you by his side, he’s telling other BM subliminally that I’ve got your best (reminds me of the stories of slavery passed down where the black woman was raped right in the presence of her husband and he couldn’t do a thing about it). It’s a way of him proving his dominance over YOU and BM. Deep down, he knows that majority of BM can’t really take care of BW due to economic conditions that put white men at a competitive advantage over BM.
ME: So, Adrian…let me ask you this. What are black women supposed to do? Struggle, wait for their black prince to arrive? Settle? What? I’m serious. What do you think BW should do. You said: (reminds me of the stories of slavery passed down where the black woman was raped right in the presence of her husband and he couldn’t do a thing about it). Why does my HUSBAND remind you of slavery rape?! I do NOT belong to you, or ANY black man. My husband MARRIED me, and has NEVER had to RAPE anyone. Go somewhere else with your guilt trips. They don’t work on me.
COMMENTER: I wasn’t implying or never will that your current husband whom you belong to has every raped you. I was just using that as an analogy. Sorry for that. What should black women do? they should make their black prince feel amazing just like they make their white King feel amazing. We would like the same, please. Women by nature are nurturers. If you ever watched the movie 300, as mighty as Leonitus was, his queen often gave him the right advice, standing by his side no matter what, doing things behind her husbands back in order to HELP him. Black women need to learn how to help the black man. Whether we ask for your help or not. That would make us feel amazing, my queen.
ME: There’s a LOT of talk about what black men want/expect/need black women to do. There’s lists, and lists and lists on what is EXPECTED of us when it comes to black men. But you know what I DON’T HEAR? What things black men are willing to do IN RETURN for all that giving, giving, and more giving. You have these attitudes that you want to take, take, take, bleed, bleed, bleed, with NO reciprocation. That is the mindset of a child. Maybe, instead of trolling the internet to find black women to guilt about their interracial relationships, you do an assessment of what YOU have to contribute to a relationship, instead of brow beating black women to be your modern-day slave. Because that’s what it is. If you expect EVERYTHING and give NOTHING, you are no better than the so-called “slave masters” that you hate so much.
COMMENTER: Oh, so you’re admitting that the white prince/king is flawed TOO? I would never say that a black woman is anybody’s slave for that matter. Second, I was trolling the internet because I was curious about what black women in interracial relationships REALLY thought about the abuse of power from white police officers towards many black men/youth. Would the BW shield her white knight or would she step out of bounds and be like “yah this abuse towards black men is getting out of hand.” I’m not saying all white men are like that. Personally, I do believe that the situation in Florida with Treyvon, in Ferguson, and even New York could have been thwarted if these guys would have obeyed the law. But anyway, in any relationship there has to be a balance on both ends and the way your husband was able to woo you by taking you to red lobster or experiencing unburnt meat for the first time (by the way, you shouldn’t be clowning your parents like that; they did their best, you wrong for that) Black men want from black women what white men want from you all (and they get it too), We want you to help us feel amazing. This is no different than what white men want. Do we not deserve it? It’s not a list of to do items. Just one thing.
ME: “Black men want from black women what white men want from you all (and they get it too), We want you to help us feel amazing. ”
Okay but here’s the thing. I’m not going to speak for ALL white men, but I’ll speak for my husband. When we first met, he displayed certain characteristics to display that he would be a good provider and protector. He was college educated. He had a steady job. He believed in saving, budgets and coupons. He would splurge and do fun things that were on the expensive side, but never to the detriment of his finances. He also displayed that he was respectful to the women in his life, and had QUALITY friends. These are were all things he DISPLAYED. And I was impressed. As a traditional woman, I displayed my ability to nurture, keep a home, coach him in his job and career, be pleasing and encouraging, and be his soft place to fall. But what I find, men who don’t display the BASICS of what a man TRADITIONALLY is supposed to bring to the table feel they are entitled to EVERYTHING a traditional woman has to offer with absolutely no display of competency for what a MAN is supposed to do. So in short, my husband doesn’t get all these “benefits” without reciprocating. I don’t just do them because he’s “white” and I think he’s somehow “better” than black men. It’s about DISPLAYS OF MALE COMPETENCY. Stop feeling entitled to what men who have displayed COMPETENCY have. If you want it, do YOUR PART.
These “childmen” truly believe they are entitled to the best-of-the-best women, who have to contort and jump through hoops while the “men” receive and receive, but when you ask what these women will get in return, there is silence. Someone on our Facebook page said this, and it pretty much sums it up, “The only way for black women to avoid being used by those with pathological entitlement is to simply stop dealing with certain “men. There is a group here on Facebook filled with certain “men” who bash/trash black women daily and are always posting laundry lists of things that they expect black women to bring to the table to benefit them. I asked these certain “men” in this group recently, what are they doing for us and what are they bringing to the table that benefits women. You know what they told me? “A man brings his presence to your life.” So basically, simply having one of them in our lives should be enough for, despite the fact that they ask so much of us outside of our mere presence.”
These men may be delusional, but it’s not solely on them. There are millions of black women probably warming up to contort themselves to these men’s whims in hopes that the “childmen” will find them worthy of allowing themselves to be exploited with no reciprocation. So as long as there’s women who think it’s their job to give and give and give without getting anything in return but having her pipe laid, these cocky idiots will continue to express their desire for Superwoman when their mentalities and lives look like this…
Messy, messy, messy.