Note: This is actually the second part to this article. Please read that one first if you haven’t already done so because I’m pretty much picking up where I left off and expanding. I’d also like to fully acknowledge that this post is aimed at helping to wake up certain black women: The ones who continue to come into BW-IRR spaces and make everything about being fair and open to black men because they KNOW black men lurk in these spaces (another post for another day). The pursuit of affection and love has made some women desperate. Others simply don’t know any better. This post is meant to help certain black women realize that rather than gain true esteem and affection, they’re simply shooting themselves in the foot.
What are the problems caused for black women by “white knighting” for black men? For starters, you effectively surrender your femininity to black men…who then in turn adopt feminine traits and expectations.
I am not going to sugarcoat this for the black men who may be reading this who have no problem letting women handle their business as a man: When you desire to have a woman fight your battles, you have effectively surrendered your manhood. It doesn’t matter if it’s on the internet, it doesn’t matter if it’s in the real world. The truth is what it is: No self-respecting man will play the role of princess to a woman’s knight. That’s just now how the world functions. A confident, self-assertive quality man speaks for himself. He neither needs nor desires a woman to speak for him. He is not so helpless as to need to women to defend his “slighted honor”.
And this is the point I am trying to bring home to some black women who continue to NOT. GET. IT. Make no mistake, there are males out there who, for whatever reason, prefer to be treated as a “damsel in distress”: ever admired and defended (no matter how wrong they are) and will actually expect you to “white knight” for them. And when their honor fails to be defended, they will give YOU grief for not manning up on their behalf.
And please do not allow these persons to bring race into it. Ethnically speaking, you’ll be hard pressed to find a group anywhere on God’s green Earth where the men expect the women to defend them in any way, shape, or form. If you are the one doing all of the fighting, and the other person is sitting back enjoying the jousting, there is a problem. And if that person is not willing to do the same for you, there is a HUGE problem. Black women have a HUGE problem.
If you allow yourself to be guilted into defending such persons you will cooperate in being stripped of your femininity. Ironically, you’d be doing this for persons who hate you for your part in their emasculation, even as they are allowing it to happen.
You read that correctly: The black men you are so determined to white knight for hate your freaking guts.
I’ve already stated that no self-respecting man would want or expect a woman to go around defending them like helpless damsels. Well, it may (or may not) surprise you, but the ones who lack self-respect think even worse of you.
We’re talking about weak men here, damaged men who are already in a bad way to begin with. Such persons tend to possess a ridiculous sense of self-entitlement. They’re often users and leeches with no inclination to do for themselves. Manipulative and catty.
But beneath all of that is the desire to be an alpha male and admired and respected by other men. See, such men may be able to pass themselves off as something other than what they are to women who don’t know any better. But one thing is for certain: other men, especially TRUE alpha males, see them for exactly what they are. And they will certainly never give them anything remotely resembling masculine acknowledgement and respect.
Rather than blame themselves for allowing women to fight their battles, these DBR damsels do what any cowardly weak man does: Blame the woman who is sticking up for him!
“She won’t let me be a man! This is her fault! If only my mother had taught me how to be a man, I wouldn’t be like this!”
This is why it is poisonous to raise males in an environment without PROPER male role models. I emphasis proper because a body doesn’t mean anything if what that person is saying is backwards and harmful. *cough* Too Short *cough* A proper male role model demonstrates through action and advice what it means to be a man and how one should treat a woman.
It’s also important to have a proper male role model as a woman to allow you to BE A LADY. An environment where you feel protected, rather than having to be the protector. Being raised to be precious, rather than hard as nails to “hold it down for the brothas, because they got it hard and they need us to be their soldiers in the war against THE MAN!”
Black women are getting the swords and black men are getting the flowers. Other groups of males are snickering, and regardless of what current indoctrination practices tell you, you are indeed resented for your part in this reversal. At least, if you elect to cooperate with what’s happening.
There is nothing wrong with being proud of and loving your ethnicity. There is nothing wrong with having love and respect for the black men in your household and social circles who may be very good and decent. Perfectly normal and understandable. Just don’t assume it’s on you to defend black manhood whenever the subjects of OOW birthrates, low marriage rates, and HIV/AIDs comes up.
Just the same, also understand that no logical and respectable man immediately associates himself with scumbags whenever the subject of scumbags comes up. If such a man does, however calmly…GET AWAY FROM HIM NOW! These persons cannot stand to be called out and a negative reaction is actually a revelation so do not ignore it! Take them at their word by their willingness to associate themselves with DBRs.
Ladies, do not open yourself up to being used by weak men in thankless battles with contempt as a reward. Do not fool yourself into thinking that readily jumping to the defense of brothas everywhere (especially when it’s clear that the black men in question are in the wrong) will win you brownie points or make you magically special or desirable. Do not confuse racial solidarity with trading gender roles to your own detriment.
Do you want to be loved and respected as a feminine black woman? Do you want to be treasured and fought for? Then put away the armor and let men prove themselves worthy of you by handling their own business and being willing to step up to the plate to defend you if need be. A man who is unwilling to do both for a woman he claims to care for is not a man worth being associated with.