Written by Nicole J.
Stop me if you’ve seen it before.
Say you’re scrolling on Facebook and you come across a status shared by a friend. Not because they agree with it, but because it was too funny or sad not to share.
“My firstborn is his firstborn, how many of you can say that” is one I saw recently. Or this one:
Joke’s on you, I can’t steal this, because 1) I don’t freaking want to, and 2) the father of my children will be my husband, not my baby daddy.
The bar that some black women have for a potential partner is firmly, deeply entrenched at the earth’s core. It’s like applauding a fish for swimming. That’s how low it is. In fact, maybe the bar is even lower than that. Maybe, the bar doesn’t actually exist, and the entry requirement for many black women’s love and affection is simply blackness. I’ve never seen nonblack women praise their men for doing basic things that was expected of them, certainly not in the numbers I see black women do, anyway.
Why is it worth applauding a man who takes care of their kids?
Why clap when a man doesn’t end up in jail?
Do men who don’t abuse their partners get thrown a parade?
What other cultures see as just being grown and responsible (own place, own car, steady income, no kids), is pretty much unicorn status in the community. Even if you vehemently disagree with interracial dating down to your very soul, having a low bar just does everyone a disservice. The low bar makes it so that any guy with a high school diploma, no criminal record, and a dream can approach you even when you are way out his league. Case in point, a post I wrote a few months ago about a neurosurgeon and a retail shoe salesman. The low bar inflates the egos of men who are already arrogant, despite having little to offer. The bar is so low that when TI revealed his yearly hymen-check GYN visits with his daughter, people said “at least her father is in the home”, rather than recoil and vomit.
Who benefits from the bar being so low? Certainly not black women. It does not behoove black women to require so little from a partner that practically any old guy will do. There’s nothing wrong with having standards, and high ones at that. Being picky in the short term can save you a world of heartache.
What are your thoughts on the bar as it relates to black women relationship choices? Sound off in the comments below.
Disclaimer: This blog was written by me, Nicole, and my ideas are not necessarily reflective of Christelyn Karazin or other writers on this platform.