Black Women's Improvement Project (BWIP)

“Yeah; What He Said!” Law Wanxi’s Rules for Vetting Men

I have NO idea who this (single-but-not-quite eligible) Chinese medical doctor is, wouldn’t be able to point him out in a Beijing minute, but I trust this guy with my car and my house for the weekend.

Law Wanxi found BB&W through a friend, and his comments (along with the our collective) have been OFF THE HEEZEE! If you’re not familiar to his references, he’s responding to “K” the source of this week’s “Question

This one was so golden, I promised to make a post about it. Since I have no idea what he actually looks like, the picture in the slide show is of who he wishes he did.

Law Wanxi’s Rules for Vetting Men

Here’s the advice from the world’s youngest elderly Chinese man, for what it’s worth. I’ll use a rules/steps format for simplicity’s sake.

1. No sex before marriage. Yes, I know, and Mia from above can tell you just how unpopular a stance that one is. Let it be known, preferably BEFORE the first date. It filters out a lot of losers right away. And don’t relent. No, means No.

3. Three?? Yeah, because Rule 1 is also Rule 2. Anyway, no children until you’ve been married at least two years. It gives you a chance to “pull the D ring” should you find yourself hitched to a loser. This also gives you an opportunity to save money, work on your careers and have some time together before the kids arrive to change your lives forever. It makes it more possible to just possibly live your life like a happy-family Wells Fargo Mandarin language commercial. Some may find the vid offensive, but it’s an accurate portrayal of MY culture. Your cultural mileage may vary. [If I could look like that guy at 55, I’d change banks in a heartbeat, LOL]

4. Take this latest event as a chance to regroup and rebuild. Take a year off from the total hell of dating to get to know yourself and settle into your new job. In the end, you have to live with you for the rest of your life. You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Some time with yourself may help you begin to like yourself enough to not mess up your life.

5. Continue the therapy process and, from what very little I know about psychotherapy from med school, it is a process. Grief takes time and kick to the curb anyone, friends AND family, who says otherwise. You should also add in some sort of work regarding choices in men and what is up in your head that makes mutts and curs attractive to you. In the meantime, if something looks good, run. Go home, lock the door, etc.

6. You wouldn’t buy a car with a dead engine or a house with no roof and a flooded basement, would you? So, don’t settle for, or even go near a fixer-upper man. In 100% of cases observed, no woman can change a man for the better. Can’t be done, because you’re dealing with the male, for lack of a better term, “mind” and we men generally all think we’re just so darned perfect with no need to change. There are good men out there, but it’s a small number. The good news is that very few women actually want them [no matter what they say] so once one is found, they’re relatively easy to land. The thing is, they don’t stand out glaringly, so they’re easy to overlook. Look for bruises on the upper body from being elbowed aside by women rushing for the punks, jerks and players they’ve been brainwashed by the media and predominant culture to believe they must have.

7. Sorry about the White guy, but every group has its DBR psychos, jerks, and unashamed unapologetic users of decent women. Asians aren’t any better, trust me on that one, especially the young ones racing toward so-called “American” Values.

8. You might want to re-think that whole med school thing. At 35, you’re borderline at being too old to get in and the med school admission gods are not smiling upon Black women as they did, say, ten years ago. Plenty of Black women applicants is the reason. Not as bad as Asians [yet] but give it a few years and Black Women will be the new “Model Minority”. Anyway, add the four years of med school, four/five/six years as a resident, a few years of practice startup and pretty soon you’re 50. Also, most of the female physicians I know are not married and probably never will be. If you have a BSN, then ARNP is probably a better choice. Example; I turn 35 next year and I’m still in grad school with no ability to even think about dating or marriage for the next 20 months. Pretty much past my “sell-by date” at that point, as a Korean dental school student very recently pointed out to me.

You need to rest up, get strong, work on your weaknesses, build on your strengths and develop a life plan, only part of which includes finding the perfect [for you] man to marry. I wish you the most luck and hope possible in your search.

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