Two weeks ago I did an open thread for burning questions readers had about dating, mating and relating for a sort of sneaky reason–weeks and weeks and WEEKS of questions I had time to pick and choose, research for the best answers, and ponder upon as like the lint in my belly button. Not so surprisingly, the ones that stuck out happen also to be the same I get asked over and over in a different way, so I’m thinking it’s time to really delve deeper and give you the best, most comprehensive kick-arse answer I can muster.
So here’s the first one:
I’m thoroughly demoralized with dating both (IR and otherwise). I have never meet a normal, quality person online. I think you’re better off meeting someone on the train, bus, or supermarket.
First, let’s look at that word, “demoralized.”
demoralize |diˈmôrəˌlīz|
verb [ trans. ]
1 [usu. as adj. ] ( demoralized) cause (someone) to lose confidence or hope; dispirit : the army was demoralized and scattered.
Time out, chica. You need to take a break from dating altogether for like, a while. Hopelessness shows all over your face, and even what you write. Nobody wants a downer, so it might be time to take a dating vacation, because if you’re working it like a job, what else would you do when you’re burnt out? Mind you, a dating vacation does not look like you sitting on the couch in dirty pajamas and watching the entire season of Dexter for the next eight weekends. You got out, mon ami, and act as if you’ve got a man already. You know how when you’re attached all of a sudden everybody and their uncle Larry wants to get with you? That’s your “boyfriend vibe,” or BV for short. And while you’re on your vacation, give yourself an overhaul: get a facial, new hairstyle, some cute clothes and, don’t miss this because it’s important, START SOMETHING NEW. Take a cooking class. Buy Rosetta Stone and learn a new language–one of those hard ones like the African one with all the clicks in it.
Now for online dating–I feel your pain about it’s growing rep or ratchetness. Finding someone special isn’t like it was in the old days before the dating sites actually made meeting people MORE difficult. Now it’s all just some nebulous blob or screen names to trudge through. But while they go BIG, you should go small. That is, specialize your online dating search to Facebook, Twitter and Linked In. I’ve seen for myself relationships bloom in specialized groups on Facebook, and not just the ones dedicated to interracial relationships. Have an interest? Bet there’s a Facebook fan page on it. Join them and explore the possibilities. From Facebook, move to Twitter using the same theme–follow people, organizations, interests, trending topics, products and/or services that you like and start having conversations with the like-minded people who share the same interest. I know a professor who met her husband on Twitter and Facebook. Read about Kyra and Jim here. Same deal with Linked In, just be more stuffy and professional and stuff.
But if all else fails and you fall back on the whole “supermarket macking” thing, I hear Whole Foods is THE SPOT!
I heard a preacher talking about this subject. He said that a lot of folks are looking in the wrong places. If you go to the club to find a mate, you may get something close but not the real thing. The way a relationship starts has a lot of influence on how it plays out. He suggested that people just live their lives passionately. If your daily routine does not have you out among the people, then you may need to make some changes. A person becomes more attractive when they are happy and enjoying themselves. It produces a natural glow that draws the opposite sex to them. Take up a hobby, roller skate with adults, join a social group, or do anything that brings you enjoyment in mixed company without looking desperate. What this will do is pair you up with like minded potential dates. You will look to your left or to your right and see someone going in the same direction...and gait together to see where the path leads...
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