Murdoch’s Wife Does a Lucy Liu and Everyone Loves Her. But What If She Had a ‘Fro?

Coming soon; April 2012. ;-)

"My ex-fiance and I both love black humor–he used to joke with me when we went shopping that the only reason salespeople would not follow me around was because I was with (him) the big, strong, white man…(Yes, he also joked that more black people should name their kids “Todd” so that their resumes would not be passed over)…(He is ex for a reason.)

But sadly, like much of black humor, it held a grain of truth. Still, I am not subject to any of it. I live by my rules, and my motto (like the Marines ) is “Lead, follow, or get the h*ll out of MY way!”

This is just too strange.

Is this some kind of weird joke? "The big strong white man" and "more black people should name their kids Todd" in your sentence is just sort of bizarre and seems like you're putting us on. This doesn't sound like something a sister who dates out would say; it sounds like bitter, mocking humor seepiing in from a black man who is trying to sound like what he believes a sister who dates out would sound like. And the motto from the Marines as part of this comment is also weird, and seems out of place.

I'm suspicious.

That is interesting, it's a much more flattering portrayal.

No doubt. Could you imagine the headlines if Michelle Obama did the same thing? I shudder to even think of it.

It's BS. I think folks have a stereotype in mind, and when they see an Asian woman be aggessive, they think it's cute that the submissive, obedient asian wife would do something out of character to save her man. It's total BS.

Have you seen this woman's bio? She's pure evil. There's nothing out of character about jumping to smack a guy who was about to attack Murdoch. It's annoying to read/talk to folks who won't see what she really is: a manipulative, gold digging mercenary. She'd do anything to keep wielding money and power. Smacking a pie thrower is nothing.

Great points, Zabeth.

"...can’t BW can use the stereotypes about us to our advantage? I’m talking about the good ones: our sense of loyalty, independence, hard work, skin that DOES NOT crack etc.,"

This makes much more sense than trying to make ourselves over in the image of women who are significantly different from us, AND have a perception in the public that we could never acquire, nor should we want to.

that's the exact same thing i have been saying. we often times complain about the stuff we dont have like e.g. like the blue eyes, blonde hair, pale skin, straight nose etc. but what about the sh#@ we do have, we are smart intelligent women, independent, hardworking, loyal(we know how to hold it down for our men), caring, we know how to take stones and make soup, many of us do have great banging bodies and the list goes on.. its not a matter of diamond in the rough its a situation of taking advantage/using the blessings GOD gave us.

Excuse me but I dont know of any black women who want blond hair and blue eyes! Most black women that I know think that black is beautiful. I can see that coming from some messed up chick who grew up around all whites but the typical black woman thinks black is beautiful. This was even indicated in that study that the Japanese psychologist published a few months ago in Psychology today.

Whoaaaaa

That came out of left field.

I also don't know any BW who want blonde hair, blue eyes or Lord knows...pale skin.

knockoutchick,

Ditto. I've never heard a black woman complaining about those things.

that's not what i meant. we have grown up in a society where the standard of beauty is determined by euro-centric attributes. thus, there are black women who may get dismayed because of the fact that they believe that these rules applies to all men. sometimes we may sideline ourselves because some/all of our features arent on the list...

Agree with this. I've never heard any black woman or even an impressionable insecure black girl say this.

This statement sounds more like what a DBRBM would imagine that the average black woman would think.

Roslyn, you said a in a post awhile back and I wish I could remember where b/c it's apropos for thread. 'We are enough' as bw we're enough we can certainly take what postives we can glean from folks in our lives and other women we see and co-opt them that's great, that's smart. But this it, none of us are ever going to be Asian women, so work with what you are and what you have. While wishing you had their man-grabbing skills, whatever that means, the fact is you have skills of your own that you aren't even tapping into or using that would hook a wonderful man in 2 seconds. I don't find anything super special about a group of women that isn't already special about me and unique to me. I don't want to be a Stepford wife and I'm not impressed by Mrs. Murdoch's skill at stealing ppl's husbands. I'm enough and I'm not contorting myself into anything.

Cosign. I don't know why this keeps coming up. Plus, the examples of Asian women cited tend to be the worst ones. Husband stealing is not exactly an endearing trait IMHO. Their husbands are hardly "quality" if they cheated on their wives and left them for some new tail. Seriously. The only thing that may be worth taking from all this is playing up the positive stereotypes of BW while simultaneously downplaying the negatives, with the result being the emergence of a new perception of BW that is in juxtaposition to the current one. Everything else is just bunk. Take the good (how to revamp your collective image) and leave the bad (eg husband stealing).

Late to the party on this one...

You know that you and I were HERE when this topic came up on the board a while ago. It's not that I think that AW have some magic formula for getting a man or that I think that BW don't have unique characteristics we can use to our advantage in the "manhunt," LOL.

But the one area where I give AW credit is strategic marriage. I even mentioned ole' Rupert and Wendi in that last thread, NOT because I think young BW should go chase 80-something WM billionaires or become homewreckers in the process of getting 80-something WM billionaires, but because I used them as an extreme example of the type of relationship that would be very difficult for a BW to consider if she was looking to date IR.

Again, I said EXTREME example, so y'all don't go saying I'm encouraging 30-something BW to marry 80-something WM for their money!

But let's make the situation a little more reasonable. Say a 30-year-old BW meets a 45-year-old WM who happens to be making, say, low six-figures as a business owner or high-level executive. Or a 40-year-old never married BW and a 50-something WM, same situation. The BW could enjoy his company, find him attractive AND like the idea that marriage to such a man could elevate her life as well.

She, however, will likely get tons of pushback from the black community (if she cares) for such a situation. The IR part is "bad enough" for some people, but then the fact that he's older? Oh no, he must want some "jungle booty." Oh, and she's considering the fact that her social and financial station will be elevated by marriage to him? Golddigger!!!!

But let her be considering a BM close to her own age who, in his 30s, still doesn't have a pot to pee in and it's all good. Oh and if he's fine, even better! And don't let him say that he "loves the Lord" -- might as well elevate him to sainthood!

Never mind that she's likely going to be major source of financial support for the household and any children they might have in the future. Never mind that he demands "submission," but still thinks that housework and child care are "women's work" and won't help out at all after she's been working all day, etc., etc.

That seems to be the profile of all of the semi-older BW who told me with authority not to get married because wives are just single mothers with an extra child and I should just do bad my myself. Yet none of those women ever considered advising me instead to consider a man's potential to be a provider REGARDLESS of whether I work or not, while I was dating...

This is not just an AW thing... well-educated WW (unless they deliberately decide to go for band-member/starving artist types as a rebellious action) are very strategic in picking a mate. I'm about to join a well-known national service organization for women and it's interesting to see how well these mostly WW are living. That doesn't mean that they're all rich, but they're comfortable... most are married to men with a provider mentality and many have taken off work or work part-time while raising kids (or not). They live in nice homes in nice neighborhoods and outside the usual stresses of everyday life, they seem happy, calm and relaxed. Yeah, some get divorced and that creates drama, but there's no drama about no-good, no-count men who are just a waste of space in their lives.

The looks of these men range from quite good looking to trollish... but most men are average types that come off more attractive as you get to know them and talk to them. But it's clear to me that these women married the entire package, not for superficial qualities.

Anyway, this post is too long, but I'm just saying that if BW had just 10 percent of AW's interest in strategic marriage, many BW would be in much better relationships. Most of us don't have to marry ancient dudes to escape poverty, and I'm not keen on some AW's worship of whiteness. But taking away those factors, we can do a better job of partner selection for the long-term with a better sense of strategy about what we want in a partner.

@Bunny, but here's the thing, we don't have to refer to Asian women in talking about strategic mate selection. Women have done that since the beginning of time. Hell, even penguins have enough sense to do that. Our foremothers most assuredly did.

I don't know what age those "semi-older" black women were who counseled you, but I'm in my mid-forties and the black women who talked to me were all about finding a man with some resources. I grew up in a steel producing town and you best believe black women were strategizing on how to land themselves a "steel plant Negro." The mindset you're talking about is a very recent development in the black community and hinges mainly on the loss of the industrial base. Back in the day black men knew doggoned well they had to bring something to the table. I remember an old dude who was trying to court my mama after she and my father broke up. He whipped out his checkbook to show her how much money he had. (I was impressed, she, not so much.)

To me, it makes much more sense and is much more relateable to talk about those "old school" black women who had some goddamned sense, as opposed to referencing a group of women who for the most part are not like us and have a different set of experiences.

I'd say the "semi-older" BW were in their late 30s/early 40s when I was about 21 or 22... so lemme do the math... they were sharing their opinions in the late 1990s/2000s, which means they married in the late 70s/80s/90s.

Now BW of my grandmother's generation did have the mentality you were talking about... just in my case, it would have been an "auto plant Negro." :) But the loss of industrial jobs in the 70s and beyond (and other social welfare-related changes) seemed to take the "provider" part out of the "good man" equation. Many young BW coming of age in the 90s and beyond (like me) got little to no instruction in the art of strategizing... everything regarding relationships either had to be left up to "da Lawd" or BW just needed to "understand" how hard it was out there for a BM... if you happened to luck up on a doctor/lawyer BM, GREAT! (although expect him to cheat...)

I was smart enough not to fall for such silliness, but I know I could have gotten a lot more guidance about strategic marriage though... although it's not like I had many examples of that from my own family either!

So I wonder how many BW actually have "old school" black women to look back to for examples... I think perhaps that's behind the curiosity about what AW are doing in their mate-seeking process, even though, as you said, they are only doing something that women in general have done since the beginning of time!!!

Girl, let me tell you, those old school black women didn't play. I think first things first we need to point out that this "new jack" thinking is jacked up. The problem is that too many young people don't want to talk to old people. They'd tell them in a heartbeat that black women weren't always "mules."

Miss Laura Dale was a lady who lived in my old neighborhood. She was the most beautiful I've ever seen. She would make Lena Horne look like a scarecrow. She was so bad she had TWO steel plant Negroes--in the same house! She was married to one and one was her "other husband." When she got tired of them, she told the other husband to kill her legal spouse. And he did it! He went to prison and she collected her husband's steel plant pension and social security until she died.

Also, you have to keep in mind that there was plenty of race mixing going on, much of it consensual back in the day as well. I don't know how true this is, but according to my daddy and uncles a lot of black men got lynched, not for having relations with white women, but for doing so with black women. Apparently the black women would play both sides of the fence, and when the white men heard about it, they'd have the black men killed. I have no idea of the validity of this, but it makes a sort of twisted sense.

@ Roslyn -

I know you said you were done writing - but if you were to reconsider, you should write about these old school ladies and their tactics! I thought the story you just relayed was very interesting as well. If you were to ever change your mind, I'd be the first to grab that book. Lol.

@Robynne, I actually thought about that as I was writing it. I know some women who would make Wendi Deng look like a piker. I'll bet most of us do, but because they don't receive media attention we never think about them. (Or we've been taught to think of them as skeezers or golddiggers. To ignore or be ashamed of the our women who've kept their eye on the main chance.) Not to knock anybody else, but it annoys me to have black women looking to others when we have so much awesomeness of our own.

"That seems to be the profile of all of the semi-older BW who told me with authority not to get married because wives are just single mothers with an extra child and I should just do bad my myself. Yet none of those women ever considered advising me instead to consider a man’s potential to be a provider REGARDLESS of whether I work or not, while I was dating…"

Yup! I got similiar "advice" so I know all too well what you mean That advice was work hard, take care of yourself, never depend on a man, have a child when YOU are ready because you never know if a man will help or not. No one ever counseled marriage, just career, job and work.

"Since many of us here do not fit these stereotypes we sneak up and bam!!!! the wm doesn’t know what hit him…why does he like you….you’re not what he thought you were gonna be….it’s that simple. "
---

Black women. I think we're going about this all wrong. I definitely think we should use the negative stereotypes to our advantage. Now, before anyway says anything about how wrong that is, and how we shouldn't benefit from the ridicule our "sisters" face (even if they deserve it). I would just like to say, that Im at the point where I think we should tell DBR BW to fuck off; I don't know about any of you, but I have no time for anyone as useless as they are, its every woman for herself.

My point is that people EXPECT you to be a certain way, and when you are not, they become intrigued. Some people would even classify a non-stereotypical black woman "rare." And things that are rare, are usually considered valuable...see where Im going with this ?

I wish there was a like button for what Sarah just said.

We've got to stop comparing ourselves and basing our worth to other groups of people!

There is archelogical evidence that the African woman was here first.

Yes, I see where you are going, Sarah and I see the wisdom in your statement.

Oh methinks Iman and Dihann Caroll would definitely get away with it as well. These women exude femininity and therefore any act of aggression is viewed as a tigress. However women who appear unladylike and act aggressively all the time are viewed as masculine, unkempt and plain unruly.

I Iman and Diahann Carroll would have gotten away with it in a minute. Long ago when I watched Diahann Carroll in 'Claudine' I thought to myself even playing a welfare mother this woman exudes class.

I hope not because Rosie O'Donnell should not be judged because she is fat! That woman is sooooo funny and loveable. Naomi on the other hand, although I love her high fashion stakes, should work on her self esteem and anger management issues. I dont like it when people can get away with abuse even when they are good looking.

Have no use for Rosie since she defended Chris Brown. Good-looking people (especially women) typically get away with isht that less fortunate folk could never dream of. It is what it is. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

I admit I'm not an 80 yr old white man, but I just don't think this woman is very attractive. She's ok, but nothing special, imo.

should read *keeper. BTW, Im sure First lady doesnt get it easy either.

* First lady Obama probably gets her share of haters grief. But with the support of her husband and loved ones will make here stronger.

there will always be haters, no doubt even for michelle obama, but you know what at least she didnt wreck any woman's lives to get her man. she nabbed him the ole fashion way. i for one dont hate on this woman esp. with the man she is with, i dont care how much money her husband as not jealous or man at them, i know everyone as their different preferences but i cant seem to fathom what a woman who is her age or even mine want to do with a shriveled up old balls like that, its disgusting. she is a pretty opportunistic woman. i mean look at all the other stuff she as done in the past and these are what we do know. i am pretty sure this isnt the worst she as done, furthermore she as come this far why turn back now!! protect your investment honey!!

asmileonmyface/maisea is one and the same. if this is submitted yaay.vetting keys on.
keeks Y said
"i for one dont hate on this woman esp. with the man she is with, i dont care how much money her husband as not jealous or man at them, i know everyone as their different preferences but i cant seem to fathom what a woman who is her age or even mine want to do with a shriveled up old balls like that, its disgusting. she is a pretty opportunistic woman."

ppl who are cynical may say something like that. I say each to their own. Like attracts like, its not what a person looks like but what they can offer. WD probably offered her female magnetism or strong business sense and that may be what he was attracted to. Now I can't think of what he offered her......lol
Then again each probably had all items on their SHOPPING LIST ticked!!!imo.ummmmm.

Maisea says: Unlike you and I she thinks big.

I say: Who are you talking about sweetie, you need to speak for yourself. For the women in this group that have a husband, fiance or boyfriend we are all exceedingly happy we have them in our lives, they are wonderful ppl and we have fulfilling relationships. I have nothing against Wendi Deng and how she got down. But I'm glad I don't have scheme and plot for some old dude, that might leave her when another piece of young Asian tail comes sidling along. I'm glad I don't have to be the one that karma will come back and kick me in the backside, if you got to do all that to get a man maybe he ain't the man worth having. I'm still getting the feeling that bw don't know quality or what a DBR is. You've missed the boat, now Murdoch may be a lovely man I don't know but I doubt it but it takes more than money to make a man worth having. I'm not saying anything against a man with money b/c plenty of them are men with integrity. Just got your rich, doesn't make you undamaged or worth having.