Hello Christelyn! I really love your site and I have been a lurker for a while now. I really appreciate what you are doing for all black women out there who are interested in interracial dating. I have a question to ask, since I have seen that you have helped out a lot of ladies with their questions and I’m not sure who else to ask.
I am a young woman (23 years old) who is very much interested in interracial dating specifically with white men. I’m well educated (just finished my degree), unfortunately it seems when I go out the only attention I get is from Black, Asian or even Middle Eastern men but I hardly ever attract white men. In fact I don’t think I have ever been approached by a white man in my entire life. I used to suffer from very low esteem and I was painfully shy so I have only had one boyfriend in my entire life and recently I started working on myself esteem and my appearance and now I feel great and I have been getting a lot of compliments from non white men who seem interested in dating me. I’m not saying I’m the most confident person in the world, but I feel like I’m in an amazing place in my life and I am ready to be in a relationship. I’m fit and healthy and I look after myself very well, since I work as a professional model, it is part of my job, so I don’t think it is my appearance. I try to dress feminine in mostly dresses in light colors that compliment my dark skin and I try my best to look good when I go out with my makeup and grooming.
I live in a small town with very few white people, so I have to even go out my way and comfort zone all the way to the city one hour away in areas where there are plenty of white men. I go to coffee shops, book shops, restaurants, pubs, bars and I started jogging at the park and all these different areas are full of white guys. I smile, make eye contact and act friendly and I get plenty of compliments from non white men but I hardly get any response from white men. It really frustrates me because I am only attracted to white men. I am sure if I was attracted to non white men I would have been in a relationship by now but I can’t help what I am attracted to. It even gets worse when I go out to these places and I see homely, unkempt women who hardly even bother to look after themselves with decent looking white men yet here I am in heels, smiling, well put together and yet I get no response. I’m really getting discouraged and it has reached a point where I’m kind of thinking of giving up because I don’t know what I’m doing wrong because if I did I would fix it. I have read self help books, worked on my self esteem, acted friendly, made eye contact,prayed, gone out of my comfort zone, worked on my appearance (you name it) and used pretty much all the advise I could get including the one I found in your great website, but I get little to no response from white men. I know that white guys are not as aggressive when it comes to approaching women, especially black women as compared to other men, but I can tell when a man is interested even if he is shy or intimidated and I don’t see any interest at all when it comes to white men. Please what could I be doing wrong? How come I can attract all these non white men, but white men show no interest at all? It’s so emotionally and physically exhausting.
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Ah…preference is a peculiar thing, n’est-il pas?
Chica, your problem has less to do with you and what you’re not doing, and more to do with your locale. You mentioned you lived in a town where there’s hardly any white people, so guess what? That mean slim pickings of white guys for you, and no amount of coffee shop and book store hopping is going to change the basic factoid that the numbers just aren’t in your favor.
But fret not, young tenderling. There is such a thing as the Internet and a fabulous land called Online Dating, a smorgasbord for black women seeking white men and vise versa. From the comfort of your home in your no-white people town, you can find a white guy who suits your fancy. My suggestion is to try DateWhoYouWant, AfroRomance, PlentyofFish, and the ubiquitous Match.com. Check and see if there’s MeetUp.com groups in your area specifically geared for black women interested in white men. You mentioned you just graduated from college, so ask your non-black girlfriends to set you up with their brothers or cousins, or cute friends.
Oh, and one more thing. If someone tells you that you should give the White, Asian, Hispanic guys as chance even if you aren’t attracted to them just tell them to put a muzzle in it. You’re attracted to who you’re attracted to, and don’t think you have to apologize for it. But if white guys are what you want and only what you want, you’re going to have to take the Caucasian by the…well you know what I mean. A cute white guy isn’t just going to show up on your doorstep via Federal Express, as much as we wish it were so.
I've read most of the responses on here, and I think they are on point thus far. I wanted to comment on the non black wm hating on you thing. I've honestly had less hate, confussion, or unasked for b.s. comments from women of other races than I have from some black women friends. It's gotten to the point where I've had to not so subtley put them in their place. It's funny though, but the women that have been married and divorced at least three times seem to be the most judgemental, lol. I always ask them to remind me how many times they've been married, and what was the common denominator in those relationships. Usually they shut up, but then there are a few who feel the need to extole the virtue of their mistakes as a way to help me, lol. Seriously, I have a mother. Who's been married once, to the same man for the last fifty plus years. When I have questions about deaiing with men, I ask the people who can keep a marriage together, not the ones who are force feeding me bad advice.
My mother has had such successful friendships with black women over her life time. These are women that have known mymother longer than my father has, and it's something that I wanted. I've come to realize that these women shared a common experience. They grew up during segregation, and despite those hard times they've succeeded on many different levels. I think my generation, the last group born in the sixties...doesn't have that common bond.
Anyway, the dating advice has been great. I'm going to adopt alot of these things for myself.
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