So you’ve been with your special person for _________(fill in the blank) amount of years/months/weeks and somehow or another its come to your attention that s/he’s is a ‘foot lover’.

*crowd gasps*

Using the term “fetish” may even be too much for some of you to deal with right now, so I’ll just refer to your significant other as one who pays “special attention” to feet.

Like with anything else involving sex and acceptance, the future and quality of your relationship depends on how you respond to this newly found information.

Your partner will continue to desire what they desire, now the only difference is, will the feet belong to you or will they belong to someone else?

Knowledge equals power, so lets start with the basics and work our way down, shall we? Oh, Wiki…..

Foot fetishism, foot partialism, foot worship, or podophilia is a pronounced sexual interest in feet.[1] It is the most common form of sexual preference for otherwise non-sexual objects or body parts.[2]

Now that wasn’t so bad, was it? I’ll go into detail of how one may come about a foot fetish at another time, for now, let’s just say that we all have our ‘preferences’ whether we communicate them to society and our significant others or not. The first thing I can tell you about having a partner with a foot fetish (or any fetish for that matter) is that the only person who can REALLY tell you what and why they find feet (in this case) attractive is your partner. So there would be the best place to start.

The subject can only be as embarrassing as you allow it to be, approaching a loved one in a non-judgemental way about something they may feel shame over is a way to bring you both closer as friends and lovers.

Whatever you do…don’tmake them feel guilty or ashamed for being sexually aroused by something that does not interest you. The idea is to get to know your partners desires in a more intimate way and not to demean or laugh at them for their likes being ‘different’ from your own.

We don’t necessarily come from an environment of openness; black people have plenty of fetishes and you may not find all of them agreeable though there are some things you can do to enjoy your partners special interest if you’re willing to explore things outside of the vanilla box.

I wouldn’t send you out in the world all alone, so here’s 5 great tips to start you off:

1. Get a Pedicure: Taking care of your feet does not have to be expensive. I’ve been painting my own toes since grammar school, and also worked as a manicurist so I know how to give a great ‘quickie’. Most of what you need can be found around your bathroom and the process takes no longer than 10 minutes to do. Taking time for yourself is always good practice; Asian nail places and massaging spa chairs be dammed!

You’ll need a pumice stone to smooth rough heels, a q-tip to gently push back cuticles, a toe nail clipper to take down toe nails and an emery board to smooth any rough edges of your nails.

Apply Shea butter, cocoa butter or Vaseline to your skin. Alcohol toe beds to remove the oils left from the moisturizer and apply a clear polish. No touching!! And now we wait!

BONUS: Why not teach your lover how to give you a pedicure and foot massage!? They get to enjoy touching and caring for your feet and you get to sit back and be pampered.

2. Go barefoot: This one is very easy for me, as I’ve never liked wearing shoes and so when I am able to kick them off my feet and wiggle my toes, I will. This habit grabbed the attention of men and women alike from very early on, compliments for my ‘pretty’ feet felt good to hear but so does the freedom to feel the Earth underfoot. Its natural to me to be barefoot. Maybe it is to you too?

If you’re embarrassed about your feet, please keep in mind that your lover is not. Being uncomfortable with your own body creates a wall that harbors intimacy. If you’re not ready for ‘hands on’ action then start slow. Simply allowing your feet to be seen is a big turn on to your foot lover.

BONUS: The anticipation of when they will get their next ‘peek’ at your bare feet can be something the both of you enjoy. Why not let this become a form of foreplay?

3. Allow your feet to be touched: Some people just don’t comprehend why another person would want to involve themselves with feet. And that’s okay, I’m sure if you are a heterosexual woman you’re equally as clueless as to why he loves the love below but you don’t wrack your brain trying to internalize his motivations. So why do it now?

Be honest with your partner about how you feel about feet. Do you think they stink, or are unhealthy or dirty? Well, you did wash them didn’t you?

And if you do seriously feel that something is wrong with your feet then now is the perfect time to have them touched, by a DOCTOR.

Or maybe you want to allow your lover to touch your toes but you are too ticklish (like me) and don’t think kicking giggles is the reaction s/he is looking for.

Your lover likes your feet, and that may include the (funk) odor, the salty taste and the reaction they get from making you squirm with delight from merely pinching your pinkie toe.

BONUS: Giggles are sexy, laughter is heart healthy and touch relieves anxiety. So take that Dr. Oz.

4. Grooming: Choose hosiery the same way as you would lingerie (or whatever it is that you do to look ‘special’ for your lover). This goes for men as well as women when I say that presentation is everything. If you’re a women, why not buy some sexy silk stockings and pair them with those too high high heels that are wasting away in your closet. I bet you can make it from the couch to the bedroom…he’ll help you. I promise.

If you’re a man, dress socks are no longer bland and nylon. Take a trip to your local Macy’s and get familiar with the textures, colors and patterns that are now available for the ‘pampered man foot’.

BONUS: Your secret stash of naughty things will be ya’ll little secret, just like that thing she does with her elbow and the honey that you like so much.

5. Accessories: Anklets are symbolic to me and I will only wear one given to me by a certain caliber of lover. Not only that, but due to the size of my calf, this jewelry must also be custom made, among other things. However, its worth the time and cost (so he’ll agree) to hear the faint jingle of bells as my feet announce my feet’s arrival into a room.

Toe thongs, toe rings and henna paint are all inexpensive ways in which you can add a little spice and ‘us-ness’ to your newly found sexual adventures. Give foot adornments as gifts, or take an afternoon to paint delicate motifs onto the soles of her feet.

BONUS: Why not use this new level of intimacy as an opportunity to express your relationship in a creative way? Take pictures of toes after you write on them with washable paint. There’s no reason why a toe ring designed by a lover would be any less meaningful then a solitaire dinner ring.

Okay, so now you have what you need to arm yourself against this terrible change in relationship’s circumstances.

You may have to find a way to deal with a lover who offers foot rubs when you least expect it and when you needed it but didn’t know it; or they may go on to occasionally purchase you a pair of sexy shoes and then nag you to “please, please, just walk in them for me, baby”.

What will you do with the agony of having a secret collection of pictures of your feet, covered in ink, or diamond rings firmly placed in the delighted mouth of your lover?

I think you’ll quite enjoy it, and maybe even discover your feet aren’t so bad after all.

Actually, they’re kinda cute, if you really look at them.