Message to the Lurkers: Not All of Us Are Preaching to the Choir

I know there are Hella people that come through here to read, and I understand like anywhere else, its hard to step out of your safe corner and make friends with people who seem like they don’t need new friends, so instead you quietly read. I know what it’s like to be an outsider, to feel insecure and to wonder if you are somewhere that you don’t belong.

Here’s a secret for you…………………..NOT ALL OF US HERE WANT TO PREACH TO THE CHOIR!!

I’m the rogue of the group, and my presence here is specifically because of this reason, thanks to our Blog Mother Chris. When cultivating an environment of growth here on BB&W she did not want it to be a gang of clucking birds high fiving each other over how brilliant they are for obtaining a better quality of life than the WOC status quo.

Not all of us (them) wake up fancy, and you can’t tell who has been through what but trust me that certain folks aren’t as simple, or as complicated, as they come across online. My decision to be transparent is my own, I’m an artist, and it is through emotional exorcism and outward expression of my thoughts that heals me best.

I don’t mind being ‘messy’, or ‘othered’ because I know the circumstances of my station in life are not the cause of my own doing. My economic class does not make or break who I am on the inside. I know my bank account is not reflective of my moral stances, and I know my illicit past does not usurp my personhood or value. I know my clothes don’t make me, and I know the broken English that I speak in does not denote the intelligence of my opinion. I know this and I hope you know it too.

You might come here to read, and feel like this place isn’t for you. Sometimes people who are ignorant to the feelings of others don’t care to, or choose not to, communicate in a respectful way. Don’t get it twisted, when you see articles and comments that seem to be cold hearted and abusive, they probably are.

Because while some people are experiencing personal growth and learning from this blog, others are here to be ‘tourists’ and their contribution may be more about them stroking their ‘unlike you’ mentality than it is about reaching out to other people whom may need to learn, or hear, or know what they have to offer.

Transparency is my new thing for 2014, I am in the process of writing a memoir about my life, and it’s been a adverse one. I could easily pretend that I am not who I was, and run off into the sunset sprinkling knowledge to the lesser then, but that’s not my way. I have confidence in myself, and I know what I want to be valued for, and it is for this reason that I refuse to preach to the choir.

A fashion article here and there is great. I’m a Hell of a dresser, however, when these broads get to talking about purses that cost more than my college tuition, my eyes glaze over. Of course not everyone who comes through here is piss poor, and there are ones who can afford amazing things, and a person should enjoy the fruits of their labor. That’s not the debate, the issue is whether or not this is relevant to those coming here for insight on how to obtain a better life (and better purses).

Are you feeling left out of the conversation? I’m sure some of you are. When topics are discussed using terms and words meant to insight it’s easy to see the subtle othering done from time to time.

Not everyone is interested in being tactful. They derive a certain pleasure from subconsciously humiliating you. You aren’t imagining things.

Not everyone is your friend. You aren’t good enough to be their friend. You don’t live in the proper place, you don’t have the pedigree, and you don’t spend enough on your hair and nails. Your social circle is more familiar with Welfare, then with the W Hotel, maybe.

Not everyone is willing or capable of empathy and sensitivity. That’s the honest truth and a fact of life.

What I don’t want is for readers to come here in hopes of improving the quality of their life, including their aspirations, and dating pools and to be turned off by the restricted point of views.

Of course, the happy and shiny people have a right to be fabulous, but how does their happy and shiny relate to the realities of your own life? It  might not and that may make you feel ostracized and unwanted. And if you are one of these people, let me tell you, I can totally relate to how you feel.

I’m the odd girl out, in more ways than I can count. I divulge information in subtle inferences because it’s easier to feed people uncomfortable information in small bites. How do I know this? Because I give you real me, online and off, so I know from experience.

What makes me odd, you ask?

Everything and nothing at all. My past has taught me that not everyone who pretends to be perfect is, and that not everyone who seems damaged is beyond repair. I have more in common with the Blakistani folks, with the wanton NBAM members, the broken down school with no textbook educated, the abused, disregarded, and uncouth members of society than I you realize.

I read the articles here, the same as you, and sometimes the words sting. Not sting in a good way, but sting in a bad way, like….you don’t belong here.

It’s hard to forget the feelings of isolation and humiliation, I get it. When you are used to running as a defense mechanism you lose out on the opportunity to go against the wall and rebuild yourself. When you avoid discomfort you do not get the chance to push yourself to new limits.

Climb the wall.

Kick some ass.

Prove them wrong.

When you preach to the choir, you neglect the needs of the congregations, and aren’t those the people whose needs are supposed to be served?

Flouncy and fluttering in an air of perfection is quite dull, and quite easy. And one of the fastest ways to turn new people off.

The hard work comes from exposing oneself and allowing others to see your vulnerability and then learning to face the fact that not everyone is a cold, cruel, disregarding asshole.

If you’ve ever felt put off by the topics here, or the manner in which some people convey their thoughts, or in the type of person you think this blog is aimed at, then I ask you to give it a chance, just a little longer.

The object is to have faith in yourself, and have faith in the capacity of others. Some others will not look like you, and some others will be exactly like you. If you’ve ever felt like the round peg in the square hole then trust me when I say I’ve ( and others) been a championing for you all along.

And if you didn’t get it before, just wait until you see what happens when you face your demons…Not all of us are preaching to the choir. Some people are willing to shout up and down the aisles, because those are the folks that really matter.



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